Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Chapter 12; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
71 total reviews
Comment from Arkine
Great chapter, at least Steven knows that he was overracting a bit now. There was on thing:
If Peggy had made advances toward my father, he would've obliged her. I need to do something and fast. - I wasn't sure, but is she concerned that Peggy might go to her father and ask him to kill Steven or something?
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Great chapter, at least Steven knows that he was overracting a bit now. There was on thing:
If Peggy had made advances toward my father, he would've obliged her. I need to do something and fast. - I wasn't sure, but is she concerned that Peggy might go to her father and ask him to kill Steven or something?
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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No, Leya's father had numerous affairs, that was mentioned in an earlier chapter. If Peggy had tried to have sex with him, her father would not have stopped her. She is worried about Steven not stopping Peggy the next time. Thank you for your review.
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Ah, okay.
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
Excellent writing, good dialogue and smooth action. The only thing I can suggest is that you really could've broken it up. I can see two and a half chapters in this posting.
You can always leave a character in the dark and the reader hanging. I do it all the time.
Ted
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Hi Barbara :)
Excellent writing, good dialogue and smooth action. The only thing I can suggest is that you really could've broken it up. I can see two and a half chapters in this posting.
You can always leave a character in the dark and the reader hanging. I do it all the time.
Ted
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Every time I break a chapter into too small of sections, I get gigged for it. I tried breaking it while editing and I keep hearing my fans complaining. Thank you for your review. I always bite my fingernails waiting for you to weigh in.
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Hi Barbara :)
You can't be gigged for short chapters. Those reviewers are wrong. Tell them politely that chapter length is up to the writer, not the reader. Suggest they read James Patterson, Stephen King, Dean Koontz and other bestsellers. One of Patterson's "Cross" novels has over 100 chapters. Some of which are a half-page long. Many are one, two or three pages. Reviewers who knock you for short chapters don't know what the hell they're talking about.
I'm about to post "Thorns" chapter forty. In the manuscript it's six double-spaced pages. On FS it will seem short. That's just the way I want it. This is John's second date with Carolyn and it's in three parts. You can't go by the FS formatting, it's not in manuscript format.
This kind of thing gets my back up about reviewers. Most of them have never submitted or published anything and they know zilch about structuring a novel. Forget them and pace your chapters the way YOU feel they should be.
That's my two cents.
Ted
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Isn't that horrible Peggy ever going to go to prison.
I don't know that Steven made the best choice by going off for a week. Now that Leya knows about the confrontation with Peggy, goodness knows what she will do.
You have managed to maintain the tension in this chapter, and once again emotions are laid bare.
Juliette
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Isn't that horrible Peggy ever going to go to prison.
I don't know that Steven made the best choice by going off for a week. Now that Leya knows about the confrontation with Peggy, goodness knows what she will do.
You have managed to maintain the tension in this chapter, and once again emotions are laid bare.
Juliette
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Great story, well written, characters remain strong. Good job. I did find a couple of little things. Pasted them below.
he returns a week. > returns in a week
Leya pace > paced
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Great story, well written, characters remain strong. Good job. I did find a couple of little things. Pasted them below.
he returns a week. > returns in a week
Leya pace > paced
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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I took care of that little missing word. Thank you for catching it, I appreciate it.
Comment from Donna Thompson
again, well done with thought, sentence flow , description and use of dialect and wording.. great job overall and I could easily follow the writers thoughts
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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again, well done with thought, sentence flow , description and use of dialect and wording.. great job overall and I could easily follow the writers thoughts
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them.
Comment from bookishfabler
There were a few nits, but nothing major. This was a fun to read and I love the story and characters. That Peggy is something else. How embarrasing.
"OK buddy (Okay,buddy). I need to talk to you about Leya, but now's not the time. We'll talk later."
"I'm going to shower." He walked to the bathroom and closed the door.
Matt called after him. "She's your wife and you're going to have to deal with her at some point. This marriage can't be annulled."
(skip a line between sentences)
you when he returns (in) a week. Can you wait that long?"
you when he returns a week. Can you wait that long?"
Leya's cheeks turned a health(y) pink. "I can say that."
Leya pace(d) her room for a few minutes,
hugs book
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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There were a few nits, but nothing major. This was a fun to read and I love the story and characters. That Peggy is something else. How embarrasing.
"OK buddy (Okay,buddy). I need to talk to you about Leya, but now's not the time. We'll talk later."
"I'm going to shower." He walked to the bathroom and closed the door.
Matt called after him. "She's your wife and you're going to have to deal with her at some point. This marriage can't be annulled."
(skip a line between sentences)
you when he returns (in) a week. Can you wait that long?"
you when he returns a week. Can you wait that long?"
Leya's cheeks turned a health(y) pink. "I can say that."
Leya pace(d) her room for a few minutes,
hugs book
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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I must have been taking care of some of the nits while you were reading. Thank you for catching the others, I appreciate it. I hate nits.
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Me too, but it brings us all closer together. LOL
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
(")What did she say?"
Read you mind?" (your)
You need get out." (to)
When Matt said Steven promised to discuss things when he returned, I could wait. There's no way I'll allow Peggy to get her clutches into Steven. (This seems like it need something ... She's saying that she thought she could wait but now her opinion has changed )
How'd you found out about last night?" (find)
Another good chapter in the story with the three way conflict.
Smiles, CArol
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Barbara,
(")What did she say?"
Read you mind?" (your)
You need get out." (to)
When Matt said Steven promised to discuss things when he returned, I could wait. There's no way I'll allow Peggy to get her clutches into Steven. (This seems like it need something ... She's saying that she thought she could wait but now her opinion has changed )
How'd you found out about last night?" (find)
Another good chapter in the story with the three way conflict.
Smiles, CArol
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Ten people have read this and nobody found anything. I even have 2 6's. Thank you for finding these errors. I appreciate it.
Comment from Harrisa
I enjoyed reading this chapter. Peggy almost got her way with Stephen. Now that Stephen knows the truth and Leya knows what she is up against maybe thing will work out.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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I enjoyed reading this chapter. Peggy almost got her way with Stephen. Now that Stephen knows the truth and Leya knows what she is up against maybe thing will work out.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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We will have to wait and see. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from FredCollingwood
It seems whenever I'm supposed to take a picture it all too often comes out like the one you posted of Peggy. I really admire the way you paint the story in dialog and actions. Excellent throughout.
This sentence: As she got ready for bed, fears about Peggy reconstructed themselves in her mind. >> I know what you're saying, but when you use a "selves" word, it has to match the subject. e.g. Peggy and herself, or the group and themselves.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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It seems whenever I'm supposed to take a picture it all too often comes out like the one you posted of Peggy. I really admire the way you paint the story in dialog and actions. Excellent throughout.
This sentence: As she got ready for bed, fears about Peggy reconstructed themselves in her mind. >> I know what you're saying, but when you use a "selves" word, it has to match the subject. e.g. Peggy and herself, or the group and themselves.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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I am confused on themselves, because themselves is referring to fears which is plural. Maybe I should try to figure a way to completely change that sentence so I don't have to use that word at all. Thank you for the 6, coming from an excellent author like you means a lot.
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As I read it again, you're right. I've been doing too many review and I just didn't read it correctly at first. I apologize.
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
The artwork is intriguing. I enjoyed this romance fiction for apt dialogues, powerful expression and supreme plot.
Matt, peggy are good characters. The suspense is developed efficiently at the end.
Well done
K
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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The artwork is intriguing. I enjoyed this romance fiction for apt dialogues, powerful expression and supreme plot.
Matt, peggy are good characters. The suspense is developed efficiently at the end.
Well done
K
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Thank you for the kind review.