Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Chapter 10; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
67 total reviews
Comment from Mariea
Story developing smoothly and characters are consistent throughout the chapter. Only one small 'spag' apparent
Para starting 'While growing' - delete 'so'
Have a great day Barbara. Regards Mia
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Story developing smoothly and characters are consistent throughout the chapter. Only one small 'spag' apparent
Para starting 'While growing' - delete 'so'
Have a great day Barbara. Regards Mia
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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So is so gone. Thank you for catching that.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is another good chapter, giving us a bit of an insight in to leya's background gives dimension to her character. I'm a bit surprised that steven is so puzzled by Leya's comment about other way to hurt people. surely he must know deep down what she means?
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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This is another good chapter, giving us a bit of an insight in to leya's background gives dimension to her character. I'm a bit surprised that steven is so puzzled by Leya's comment about other way to hurt people. surely he must know deep down what she means?
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Men are so dense, but Leya will explain it in the next post.
Comment from RazberryBullet
This is a loaded sentence!--"I know you'd never physically hurt me, but there are other ways to hurt somebody."
Liked these lines: "I just told Leya that she doesn't need to be afraid of anyone and you start growling."... "He's a big teddy bear." Steven chuckled. "I'm not sure we're talking about the same man." LOL!!!
Lovely!
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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This is a loaded sentence!--"I know you'd never physically hurt me, but there are other ways to hurt somebody."
Liked these lines: "I just told Leya that she doesn't need to be afraid of anyone and you start growling."... "He's a big teddy bear." Steven chuckled. "I'm not sure we're talking about the same man." LOL!!!
Lovely!
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Leya obviously has problems, and you've done a good job of showing them. We already know she was raised to be a drug lord's trophy wife, and the pressure must've been enormous.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"It's almost midnight. I [I'd] better go to my room."
"While growing up, if a meal was missed for any reason, my father wouldn't allow me to eat until the next meal. Once at the other house, Jim told Peggy since she was late to breakfast so she was out of luck." This paragraph seems a bit awkward. I'd write, "When I grew up, if I (any of us) missed a meal for any reason, my father wouldn't allow me (us) to eat until the next meal. Once at the other house, Jim told Peggy she was late to breakfast and out of luck."
"He thought for a minute [moment]." A minute is sixty seconds and too long for Steven to think things through.
Dave
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
Leya obviously has problems, and you've done a good job of showing them. We already know she was raised to be a drug lord's trophy wife, and the pressure must've been enormous.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"It's almost midnight. I [I'd] better go to my room."
"While growing up, if a meal was missed for any reason, my father wouldn't allow me to eat until the next meal. Once at the other house, Jim told Peggy since she was late to breakfast so she was out of luck." This paragraph seems a bit awkward. I'd write, "When I grew up, if I (any of us) missed a meal for any reason, my father wouldn't allow me (us) to eat until the next meal. Once at the other house, Jim told Peggy she was late to breakfast and out of luck."
"He thought for a minute [moment]." A minute is sixty seconds and too long for Steven to think things through.
Dave
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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I think Leya's family needs to be in your manuscript. Thank you for finding the errors. I will fix them ASAP
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Another wonderful chapter of 'Tantalizing Eyes.' I have a feeling this chapter is a set-up for a revelation scene or romance. Steven either doesn't know how Leya feels or he's in denial of how she feels. They both are madly in love. Excellent dialogue. Descriptive writing. Your doing an outstanding job on the narrative. Please bring on the next chapter. It looks like other reviewers found the TYPO's.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
Another wonderful chapter of 'Tantalizing Eyes.' I have a feeling this chapter is a set-up for a revelation scene or romance. Steven either doesn't know how Leya feels or he's in denial of how she feels. They both are madly in love. Excellent dialogue. Descriptive writing. Your doing an outstanding job on the narrative. Please bring on the next chapter. It looks like other reviewers found the TYPO's.
Melissa.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Yes, my typo's, I think are cleared out. Thank you for your review. I am still revamping my next post. I am worried about it.
Comment from dragonqueen1983
I know you'd never physically hurt me, but there are other ways to hurt somebody - how true these words are. you have another well written chapter here
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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I know you'd never physically hurt me, but there are other ways to hurt somebody - how true these words are. you have another well written chapter here
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review. I am trying to get another artwork in this one, but it's not corroperating.
Comment from hyway94
Well, here's another good chapter. I don't know how I come to missing so much I thought that I was a fan. If I'm not one I'll be one soon. You show that you know how to write never any mistakes. The word flow is just great makes you fell that your right in the room. Good work.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Well, here's another good chapter. I don't know how I come to missing so much I thought that I was a fan. If I'm not one I'll be one soon. You show that you know how to write never any mistakes. The word flow is just great makes you fell that your right in the room. Good work.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your very kind words. I really appreciate them. I have a person who reviews my work every time, but I don't think really likes my work because he/she tears it to shreds and always gives me low stars. Thank you for being so positive.
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How can that be? I'm sure glade that he or she's not doing mine.
Comment from RebelRose
Just like a man. A woman sends him a message and he can't figure it out. I guess she will have to spell it out for him. Oh well, it'll all work out.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Just like a man. A woman sends him a message and he can't figure it out. I guess she will have to spell it out for him. Oh well, it'll all work out.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Leya will spell it out for very nicely in my next post. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi barbara
Interesting chapter, proving that Stephen still hasn't figured out that she's sweet on him, of, if he has, what to do about it.
Well written as ever, no spag I can see.
Patrick
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Hi barbara
Interesting chapter, proving that Stephen still hasn't figured out that she's sweet on him, of, if he has, what to do about it.
Well written as ever, no spag I can see.
Patrick
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a good setup chapter. I didn't see any mistakes. Steven and Leya are beginning to really talk with each other. Very well written.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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This is a good setup chapter. I didn't see any mistakes. Steven and Leya are beginning to really talk with each other. Very well written.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review.
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You're welcome, Barbara. Keep up the good works. Charlie