Selfish
You can't have it all87 total reviews
Comment from sugardog
Wow... That was some story, Bob! Kinda gruesome and scary, but so well done!! You are such a good writer. This was intense and so realistic(the dialogue etc...). I would not want to know Juan Ramirez...yikes!!! I think you have a very good contender here, Bob!!! Good luck :) Dana
reply by the author on 15-May-2010
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Wow... That was some story, Bob! Kinda gruesome and scary, but so well done!! You are such a good writer. This was intense and so realistic(the dialogue etc...). I would not want to know Juan Ramirez...yikes!!! I think you have a very good contender here, Bob!!! Good luck :) Dana
Comment Written 15-May-2010
reply by the author on 15-May-2010
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Thank you so much, Dana. I appreciate your time and comments...Bob
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You are welcome!! Hope you are getting some sunshine your way :) Dana
Comment from IndianaIrish
Wow, Bob ... awesome story. Your descriptions fill the reader's head with imagery and doesn't slow up the story. Just one thing ... I thought they were in the kitchen but there's no mention of how they got to the couch...unless he had a couch in the kitchen :>) best of luck.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Wow, Bob ... awesome story. Your descriptions fill the reader's head with imagery and doesn't slow up the story. Just one thing ... I thought they were in the kitchen but there's no mention of how they got to the couch...unless he had a couch in the kitchen :>) best of luck.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Hi, Indy...LOL..You are right, you clever detective, you...I fixed it...Thaks for that an dthe generous review. Bob
Comment from Ash Madox
Well, one day off page, Bob, and I come back to find you've posted another slam dunk success story. Well done, as usual. Great use of the contest prompt with the super evil tone of this one, and a very fitting title. Loved the parody of witty puns at the beginning to woo the reader away from the shocking conclusion--sucking golf balls through hoses, mindless oysters, and the very funny pun of cooking being a city in China--all done with true craft from the Master. Excellent descriptions in a sinister, satisfying way, and great pacing. I especially enjoyed the way you left the story hanging on an air of potential justice with the anonymous knock at the door. Very well executed all up, Bob. Best of luck in the contest, my buddy, it should do really well. Cheers. Ash.
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Well, one day off page, Bob, and I come back to find you've posted another slam dunk success story. Well done, as usual. Great use of the contest prompt with the super evil tone of this one, and a very fitting title. Loved the parody of witty puns at the beginning to woo the reader away from the shocking conclusion--sucking golf balls through hoses, mindless oysters, and the very funny pun of cooking being a city in China--all done with true craft from the Master. Excellent descriptions in a sinister, satisfying way, and great pacing. I especially enjoyed the way you left the story hanging on an air of potential justice with the anonymous knock at the door. Very well executed all up, Bob. Best of luck in the contest, my buddy, it should do really well. Cheers. Ash.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Thanks, Ash...I knew I could count on you to enjy this one...LOL.I love to write stuff like this...Bob
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You're such a devil...but good at it!
Comment from leesm
Bob, this is a great little story, written with superb skill, and enjoyable to read. Two comments. First, the sentence starting the 6th paragraph, which begins "Ramirez resented a waste of his time . . . ", seems awkward, and might benefit from breaking it up. Second, you have Candy falling onto a couch, but the scene takes place in the kitchen. It just caught me as a bit odd. Overall your skillful character descriptions of Ramirez and Candy work well and the story flows nicely from beginning to end.
Well done.
-Lee
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Bob, this is a great little story, written with superb skill, and enjoyable to read. Two comments. First, the sentence starting the 6th paragraph, which begins "Ramirez resented a waste of his time . . . ", seems awkward, and might benefit from breaking it up. Second, you have Candy falling onto a couch, but the scene takes place in the kitchen. It just caught me as a bit odd. Overall your skillful character descriptions of Ramirez and Candy work well and the story flows nicely from beginning to end.
Well done.
-Lee
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Hi, Lee...Yeah, I corrected that kitchen/couch thingie already...thanks for catching it though. I appreciate your generous review, especially in view of my mess ups...Bob
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Hi, Lee...Yeah, I corrected that kitchen/couch thingie already...thanks for catching it though. I appreciate your generous review, especially in view of my mess ups...Bob
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Your welcome. No problem. Your ability to give the characters life is really quite exceptional.
Comment from franban
Interesting take on an old tale of cheating and cheaters. Ending was unexpected and abrupt but did not distract from the ease with which the story was told. Well done and enjoyable.
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Interesting take on an old tale of cheating and cheaters. Ending was unexpected and abrupt but did not distract from the ease with which the story was told. Well done and enjoyable.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Thanks a lot, Franban. Glad you liked it...Bob
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A great piece of descriptive
writing -- an intriguing story,
holding the reader's interest
in a grip to the end.
A good contender for the contest, Bob.
Good luck to you.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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A great piece of descriptive
writing -- an intriguing story,
holding the reader's interest
in a grip to the end.
A good contender for the contest, Bob.
Good luck to you.
Margaret.
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Thank you, Margaret. I always like it when you stop by....Bob
Comment from M. Karol
Your story started little slow but picked up pace as it moved. The characters came out strong. The setting is not extraordinary but the visualization was excellent.
Kept me glued till the end.
Madhvi
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Your story started little slow but picked up pace as it moved. The characters came out strong. The setting is not extraordinary but the visualization was excellent.
Kept me glued till the end.
Madhvi
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Thanks so much, MK...I do appreciate your time. Bob
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow.. what a story. I believe I need to read more of your work so that I can learn better writing skills. My entry pales in comparison to yours.
What can I say, excellently written, a great story line with fabulous descriptive sentences, and a fine twist at the end. Glad I read it,
John
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Wow.. what a story. I believe I need to read more of your work so that I can learn better writing skills. My entry pales in comparison to yours.
What can I say, excellently written, a great story line with fabulous descriptive sentences, and a fine twist at the end. Glad I read it,
John
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Thanks so much, John...Hey, I just read yours...You are okay...I truly appreciate your confidence in my writing though.and the six stars are icing on the review cake. Bob
Comment from louparis
Dear Bob,
You certainly have the skill of character description every writer needs in the game of tag played by agents and publishers in the commercial fiction genre. When are you going to put all your skills to work on a crime novel?
Best,
Lou Paris
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Dear Bob,
You certainly have the skill of character description every writer needs in the game of tag played by agents and publishers in the commercial fiction genre. When are you going to put all your skills to work on a crime novel?
Best,
Lou Paris
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Hi, Lou...Good to hear from you again, my friend. Thanks so much for your fine review...I will be finishing a crime mnovel I started a couple of years ago...It's in my portfolio if you care to check it out...It's called "Shadow Stalker" Thanks again...Bob
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I will.
Lou
Comment from fionageorge
A strong entry to this contest. Well written, I didn't find any spag. The use of diologue was excellent, and appropriate for the story. The violence was sudden and horrific. Great story, good suspense, fast moving action.
Good luck in the contest and warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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A strong entry to this contest. Well written, I didn't find any spag. The use of diologue was excellent, and appropriate for the story. The violence was sudden and horrific. Great story, good suspense, fast moving action.
Good luck in the contest and warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 14-May-2010
reply by the author on 14-May-2010
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Thank you, fiona...I certainly appreciate your generous review....Bob