Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Chapter 10; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
67 total reviews
Comment from Rama Rao
Your chapter is excellent as usual. I see you're developing the love between Steven and Leya slowly in a progressive manner, inch by inch. You've taken a small incident of Leya missing her dinner and made a nice scene out of it.
Needless to state it my held my interest until the last word.
However, I've been reading an article about starting a sentence with a gerund. Wanting to ask, he decided to wait until morning. Recommend you rephrase this small sentence.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
  |
Your chapter is excellent as usual. I see you're developing the love between Steven and Leya slowly in a progressive manner, inch by inch. You've taken a small incident of Leya missing her dinner and made a nice scene out of it.
Needless to state it my held my interest until the last word.
However, I've been reading an article about starting a sentence with a gerund. Wanting to ask, he decided to wait until morning. Recommend you rephrase this small sentence.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
I try not to use them often. I tend to fall into the trap of using them often, so I will check and make sure I haven't used them too often. It is a weakness of mind. They are necessary because if you don't use them you end up starting all sentences the same. Sentences need to be broken up so bordem doesn't sneak in. I will do a count and make sure I haven't gone over the limit.
Comment from CKLA
What could be going on in Leya's head now? This is a really interesting chapter. I look forward to seeing where you take this.
Collette
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
What could be going on in Leya's head now? This is a really interesting chapter. I look forward to seeing where you take this.
Collette
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
I hope you like where we go next. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Belinda
"There are other ways to hurt somebody." Exactly what I was thinking as I read that part ...:) Leya seems to be a sensitive person, so it will take a big effort for Steven to keep up with her. Interesting chapter, I look forward to the next.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
"There are other ways to hurt somebody." Exactly what I was thinking as I read that part ...:) Leya seems to be a sensitive person, so it will take a big effort for Steven to keep up with her. Interesting chapter, I look forward to the next.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from L.lora
Excellent, getting to the
heart of the matter. Why is
it that men always seem to be
the last ones to figure out
what a woman means when it is
so simple? Frustrating, yep--
well I can see Leya has her
work cut out for her. no nits
or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
Excellent, getting to the
heart of the matter. Why is
it that men always seem to be
the last ones to figure out
what a woman means when it is
so simple? Frustrating, yep--
well I can see Leya has her
work cut out for her. no nits
or spags. Lora
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
Leya will take care of in the next post. Thank you for your review and being a supporter. I appreciate both.
Comment from laurelp
Interesting chapter. Is Steven so foolish that he doesn't know the worse pains comes from other methods other than violence. You have left the door open for a lot of different scenarios. Good read.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
Interesting chapter. Is Steven so foolish that he doesn't know the worse pains comes from other methods other than violence. You have left the door open for a lot of different scenarios. Good read.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
We'll see where it takes us. Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from scottmaiorca
Another good installment. I love how you've baited the reader into asking what she meant. That's enough to pull then to the next pages.
I have to wonder about some of the dialogue in the story, at some points it feels a little wordy, maybe the characters could be less formal, or proper.
Something you might think about for future revisions.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
Another good installment. I love how you've baited the reader into asking what she meant. That's enough to pull then to the next pages.
I have to wonder about some of the dialogue in the story, at some points it feels a little wordy, maybe the characters could be less formal, or proper.
Something you might think about for future revisions.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
I will take another look at the dialogue. Dialogue is usually my strongest point, so I will check it out.
Comment from Anna Writes
I like this. I know there are pieces before it I have not read but the intro you included helped me understand what was going on. I don't know the character "Steven" so maybe my comment doesn't make sense, but I thought Leya's statement was clear. I don't understand his confusion.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
I like this. I know there are pieces before it I have not read but the intro you included helped me understand what was going on. I don't know the character "Steven" so maybe my comment doesn't make sense, but I thought Leya's statement was clear. I don't understand his confusion.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
The problem with Steven is the age old problem - he's a male. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
Oh, she grew up in a family where one could be made to feel bad without getting hit - she loves Steven and is vulnerable, and he needs to realize he could not hurt her emotionally if she did not care so damn much for him. For a smart man, he sure has to puzzle over some things. LOL Men are a bit dense, though, in the relationship department. :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
Oh, she grew up in a family where one could be made to feel bad without getting hit - she loves Steven and is vulnerable, and he needs to realize he could not hurt her emotionally if she did not care so damn much for him. For a smart man, he sure has to puzzle over some things. LOL Men are a bit dense, though, in the relationship department. :-) Brooke
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
Hey, I raised 4 and been married to the same man forever!! Yes, they are dense. They often look at me and can't figure me out. I remind them often. Hey, I'm a female. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, good to read and interesting reading material. i think it is sad the memories leyla is having about her childhood growing up and punishments endured
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
this is very well written, good to read and interesting reading material. i think it is sad the memories leyla is having about her childhood growing up and punishments endured
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review. Leya has a few hurdles to overcome.
Comment from fictionwriter
Men can be so dense. Steven can't really be that blind, can he? Well, I guess he'll soon find out what she's talking about. Another wonderful chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
|
Men can be so dense. Steven can't really be that blind, can he? Well, I guess he'll soon find out what she's talking about. Another wonderful chapter.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
-
Thank you for your kind words. Leya will spell it out in the next chapter.