Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Chapter 8; part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
56 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is another well written story and i am hoping to see the end of this and see you published. i have really been enjoying this story and i hate to see it end, but wish to see your next idea also
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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this is another well written story and i am hoping to see the end of this and see you published. i have really been enjoying this story and i hate to see it end, but wish to see your next idea also
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. This story is about half over, but the next one is finished and waiting to be posted.
Comment from Nicnac
Oh no. I don't want leya to be in ICU! I'm glad that Steven is staying with her though.
The chapter flows very smoothly and I'm looking forward to when they finally disclose their feelings for each other and get down and dirty. haha
I like how you show Steven's internal struggles. :)
I can't wait for juicy stuff to start. lol
Hugs
Nic
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Oh no. I don't want leya to be in ICU! I'm glad that Steven is staying with her though.
The chapter flows very smoothly and I'm looking forward to when they finally disclose their feelings for each other and get down and dirty. haha
I like how you show Steven's internal struggles. :)
I can't wait for juicy stuff to start. lol
Hugs
Nic
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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The juicy stuff starts soon, then diaster strikes. Thank you for your support.
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Oh, I can't wait!
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Another good chapter, Barbara. The only problem is that they aren't long enough. The wait before the next installment is too long!
Just a few suggestions:
Steven entered Leya's room early that evening, she was slightly propped up against the pillows and said,
Two sentences:
Steven entered Leya's room early that evening. She was slightly propped up against the pillows and said,
"If you start feeling sick[,] you need to immediately get to the hospital."
"If you're quiet[,] you can stay, but I don't want Mrs. Albright wasting energy.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Another good chapter, Barbara. The only problem is that they aren't long enough. The wait before the next installment is too long!
Just a few suggestions:
Steven entered Leya's room early that evening, she was slightly propped up against the pillows and said,
Two sentences:
Steven entered Leya's room early that evening. She was slightly propped up against the pillows and said,
"If you start feeling sick[,] you need to immediately get to the hospital."
"If you're quiet[,] you can stay, but I don't want Mrs. Albright wasting energy.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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I correcte the first sentence, but my grammar books state with the if there, you need a comma. Thank you for your kind reviews. I appreciate your support.
Comment from Readywriter52
Leya doesn't seem to be getting better. She is worried about Steven and his team. The doctors are worried about Leya. They want her to conserve her energy. The whole situation sounds dicey. They also have to worry that the cartel could attack them again.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Leya doesn't seem to be getting better. She is worried about Steven and his team. The doctors are worried about Leya. They want her to conserve her energy. The whole situation sounds dicey. They also have to worry that the cartel could attack them again.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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There is enough worry to go around. Thank you for your review.
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I thought I answered this review before, humm, maybe I forgot to click save. Who knows. Thank your for your kind review.
Comment from Katiesherrill
Another good chapter. It's nice to see them begin to appreciate each other. She is learning to trust him and he is seeing that his feeling run really deep. Keep writing. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Another good chapter. It's nice to see them begin to appreciate each other. She is learning to trust him and he is seeing that his feeling run really deep. Keep writing. Good chapter.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter, and Leya is one sick woman. I know very little about yellow fever, so I can't comment on Leya's progress or lack of it. But since most of your readers may not know much about the disease, you might have the doctor give a bit more explanation. One or two sentences would probably be sufficient.
I have several comments and suggestions:
"I didn't expect to see you again today." On first read, it is not immediately apparent who says this line. The previous words discussed both Steven and Leya.
"He scratched his razor stubbles [stubble] and swallowed."
"They were surprised the drug cartels hadn't tried another attack and knew they were on borrowed time." This is "telling," although that is not necessarily a bad thing. You could set up a conversation between Steven and Matt and cover these points, but that would take more words than you've used to "tell."
"Mrs. Albright she may not survive this toxic stage of yellow fever." You should take out either "Mrs. Albright" or "she." As this is, it sounds like the doctor is talking to Mrs. Albright, not about her.
Dave
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter, and Leya is one sick woman. I know very little about yellow fever, so I can't comment on Leya's progress or lack of it. But since most of your readers may not know much about the disease, you might have the doctor give a bit more explanation. One or two sentences would probably be sufficient.
I have several comments and suggestions:
"I didn't expect to see you again today." On first read, it is not immediately apparent who says this line. The previous words discussed both Steven and Leya.
"He scratched his razor stubbles [stubble] and swallowed."
"They were surprised the drug cartels hadn't tried another attack and knew they were on borrowed time." This is "telling," although that is not necessarily a bad thing. You could set up a conversation between Steven and Matt and cover these points, but that would take more words than you've used to "tell."
"Mrs. Albright she may not survive this toxic stage of yellow fever." You should take out either "Mrs. Albright" or "she." As this is, it sounds like the doctor is talking to Mrs. Albright, not about her.
Dave
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you for catching these mistakes. I am on them. I appreciate you taking time to catch them.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
Aha, the dreaded Yellow Jack Fever. The story is coming along nicely and the dialogues convey the struggle over duty versus feelings very well indeed. Good work.
Patrick
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Aha, the dreaded Yellow Jack Fever. The story is coming along nicely and the dialogues convey the struggle over duty versus feelings very well indeed. Good work.
Patrick
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your support and kind review.
Comment from unbridledspirit
Very nice. It was a well written piece. I felt sorry for Steven as he had love for Leya that he couldn't openly express. The writing drew you in and your felt like you were there. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Very nice. It was a well written piece. I felt sorry for Steven as he had love for Leya that he couldn't openly express. The writing drew you in and your felt like you were there. Nicely done.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you very much for your kind review.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara
I think Steven is starting to realize just how much he cares for Leya. This was an excellent chapter drawing the two together. Great work.
Carol
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Barbara
I think Steven is starting to realize just how much he cares for Leya. This was an excellent chapter drawing the two together. Great work.
Carol
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your continued support and review. I appreciate both.
Comment from words
This is the first chapter that I have read.
I found it intriguing.
I am a bit lost, but I do see that Steve is falling for Leyla and that he is reluctant to love her for some reason.
I am looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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This is the first chapter that I have read.
I found it intriguing.
I am a bit lost, but I do see that Steve is falling for Leyla and that he is reluctant to love her for some reason.
I am looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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He's reluctant to love her for two reasons: first he works for a Federal Agency that fights drug cartels and Leya is the granddaughter of a huge Colombian Drug Lord, and she has lied to Steven. Thank you for your kind review.
