Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Chapter 6; part4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
52 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Oh, how generous and considerate and nice of him. This is such a touching scene, so appropriate for the holidays. You really show how much he cares and how much Leya recognizes that in this chapter. You are my wife and I wanted you to have options. I almost cried!!! Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Oh, how generous and considerate and nice of him. This is such a touching scene, so appropriate for the holidays. You really show how much he cares and how much Leya recognizes that in this chapter. You are my wife and I wanted you to have options. I almost cried!!! Brooke :-)
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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I appreciate your kind review. Thank you for your continued support. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Belinda
Steven is such a good 'husband'. Under normal circumstances his attentions will melt a wife's heart, not to mention now. Happy New Year to you, too, Barbara.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Steven is such a good 'husband'. Under normal circumstances his attentions will melt a wife's heart, not to mention now. Happy New Year to you, too, Barbara.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your continued support and kind review.
Comment from anabelle
Such a wonderful story you've woven, barbara.wilkey. I always enjoy reading it.
I'm not sure I like Peggy being pushed out of the picture as a friend, but if she has feelings other than friendship for Steven, then I guess he has to pick now, or he'll have to later on, anyways.
Just a few things I noticed and thought you might want to have a look at. The parenthesis show the changes:
-'hand(l)ing our own...'
-'stared in(to) her eyes...'
-'their lips (started to) touch(ed)...'
-'blue sweater set (from the bag)'. 'The bag' is repeated 3x in the two sentences.
-'workout'. If it's a noun, it's 'workout', but if it's a verb, it's 'work out'
Nicely done.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Such a wonderful story you've woven, barbara.wilkey. I always enjoy reading it.
I'm not sure I like Peggy being pushed out of the picture as a friend, but if she has feelings other than friendship for Steven, then I guess he has to pick now, or he'll have to later on, anyways.
Just a few things I noticed and thought you might want to have a look at. The parenthesis show the changes:
-'hand(l)ing our own...'
-'stared in(to) her eyes...'
-'their lips (started to) touch(ed)...'
-'blue sweater set (from the bag)'. 'The bag' is repeated 3x in the two sentences.
-'workout'. If it's a noun, it's 'workout', but if it's a verb, it's 'work out'
Nicely done.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for the review. I am checking out the questionable spots.
Comment from bruceg
I liked the story but, it was a bit slow and not too detailed about the involvement of drugs and the organization, or the part of which Steven plays in this organization. I feel that if there were more description about who he is and who she is there may have been more excitement over the characters, they just appear as regular people when in actuality they are not just regular people they are criminals who are in love or married i couldn't tell.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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I liked the story but, it was a bit slow and not too detailed about the involvement of drugs and the organization, or the part of which Steven plays in this organization. I feel that if there were more description about who he is and who she is there may have been more excitement over the characters, they just appear as regular people when in actuality they are not just regular people they are criminals who are in love or married i couldn't tell.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. All of this has been explained in previous chapters. You just read from page 115 - 121 of a manuscript. This is clearly marked a romance and the romance is the main plot. The other plots are extremely minor and are subplots.
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I am sorry Barbara you are right I haven't read more than what I have I didn't know there was more to the story. I am new at this and am just getting started so bare with me as I am sure the stroy is greater than what I have viewed, but I did like it.
Bruce Gibbons
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I do wish you would reconsider the 3 rating. If not then I will accept the three.
Comment from NightWriter
Bravo! "Chapter 6; part4" is riveting and surprising too with Steven giving Leya the ring. I loved this chapter,well done. This line was very touching ... "It came from you. It's perfect"
Only one suggestion ...
He put the candy bars back in the bag and chuckled -- might read better if you took out the bars on this line.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Bravo! "Chapter 6; part4" is riveting and surprising too with Steven giving Leya the ring. I loved this chapter,well done. This line was very touching ... "It came from you. It's perfect"
Only one suggestion ...
He put the candy bars back in the bag and chuckled -- might read better if you took out the bars on this line.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Good idea. Thank you for the review and continued support.
Comment from Gold Standard
It appears the relationship between Steven and Leya is heating up. As does that between Steven and Peggy but in a different direction. I can almost visualize Peggy saying or doing something that will jeopardize Leya's position. A woman scorned. It's evident Peggy has feelings for Steven.
In a paragraph half way down starting with; With a grin..., 2nd line, you write, As she continued smiling as he lifted..., I think the first word 'As' should be 'And she continued...'. Other then that an excellent chapter again.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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It appears the relationship between Steven and Leya is heating up. As does that between Steven and Peggy but in a different direction. I can almost visualize Peggy saying or doing something that will jeopardize Leya's position. A woman scorned. It's evident Peggy has feelings for Steven.
In a paragraph half way down starting with; With a grin..., 2nd line, you write, As she continued smiling as he lifted..., I think the first word 'As' should be 'And she continued...'. Other then that an excellent chapter again.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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I will recheck it. I try to avoid beginning a sentence with And but sometimes it's better that way. Thank you for your review.
Comment from L.lora
Barbara this is such an
exciting (in a different
way)chapter and was a true
pleasure to read. The posting
timing was spot on, excellent
for this mornings read. I do
feel Leya and Steven area a
good match even if they have
what appears to be daunty
challenges to face. Will they
be able to survive those challenges
is up to the author's discretion.
An excellent post... Lora
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Barbara this is such an
exciting (in a different
way)chapter and was a true
pleasure to read. The posting
timing was spot on, excellent
for this mornings read. I do
feel Leya and Steven area a
good match even if they have
what appears to be daunty
challenges to face. Will they
be able to survive those challenges
is up to the author's discretion.
An excellent post... Lora
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and support. I can promise problems ahead.
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Gee how did I figure there were going to be probs... LOL. Great story. L
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara
As usual, I love the interaction between Leya and Steven...Peggy ...well, I'd like to put her on a one way trip to Siberia...what a witch!! Great job!!!
Carol
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Barbara
As usual, I love the interaction between Leya and Steven...Peggy ...well, I'd like to put her on a one way trip to Siberia...what a witch!! Great job!!!
Carol
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Peggy does get a one way trip, I wonder to where?? My secret. Thank you for your review.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Another outstanding chapter of "Tantalizing Eyes." I felt the emotions between Steven and Leya. Peggy is a scheming bitch. I like how Steven put Peggy in her place. Steven and Leya definitely love each other. It was sweet he gave her a wedding ring with a sapphire and clothing. The dialogue and descriptive are great. I wish I had my two six but gave one away last night on an exceptional horror story and Vandlynn did a six star poem. I'm giving you five stars but a virtual six. So far this is the best chapter. You may want to check the spacing in some areas. Just be aware if you used advanced editor and try to fix it the gremlin will eat it like it did on one of my poems. I went to check why no one reviewed and no poem. Please don't make us wait until after the New Year for another chapter of "Tantalizing Eyes."
Melissa.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Barbara,
Another outstanding chapter of "Tantalizing Eyes." I felt the emotions between Steven and Leya. Peggy is a scheming bitch. I like how Steven put Peggy in her place. Steven and Leya definitely love each other. It was sweet he gave her a wedding ring with a sapphire and clothing. The dialogue and descriptive are great. I wish I had my two six but gave one away last night on an exceptional horror story and Vandlynn did a six star poem. I'm giving you five stars but a virtual six. So far this is the best chapter. You may want to check the spacing in some areas. Just be aware if you used advanced editor and try to fix it the gremlin will eat it like it did on one of my poems. I went to check why no one reviewed and no poem. Please don't make us wait until after the New Year for another chapter of "Tantalizing Eyes."
Melissa.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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I am hoping to post my chapter tomorrow or Tuesday, just need enought pumps. Thank you for your support. I love virtual 6's, just as much as the real thing.
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"Yeah, I have a new chapter I need to post for my book "Lethal Passion." I usually don't post chapters on the weekend. But I'll post mine after midnight to my next chapter of Amanda and Jake's book.
Melissa.
Comment from mshugh
Aha - studiously building up the romantic tension. Nice job of it. Now you will have to work on how you build this to a suitable climax - and that is always tough - but you'll d it
She's not worth losing what we have."
- something's wrong with this sentence
Well done
Michael
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Aha - studiously building up the romantic tension. Nice job of it. Now you will have to work on how you build this to a suitable climax - and that is always tough - but you'll d it
She's not worth losing what we have."
- something's wrong with this sentence
Well done
Michael
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for the review. I will take another look at that sentence.
