CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Divided, We Fell"A collection of poetry
58 total reviews
Comment from Roisin
This is beautiful, Sue. You really like to push yourself with these different forms, don't you? Is there a name on this type of poem? I love the rhyme scheme and the overall flow of this one. It's very sad with an equally sad picture to accompany. You've done a great job.
Hugs
Roisin
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This is beautiful, Sue. You really like to push yourself with these different forms, don't you? Is there a name on this type of poem? I love the rhyme scheme and the overall flow of this one. It's very sad with an equally sad picture to accompany. You've done a great job.
Hugs
Roisin
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from Joan E.
The last line is breathtaking--"how did this ebb consume our future tide"--what a powerful question and note to end your heartfelt poem about lost love and the pain of divorce. The title and artwork fit the mood so well.
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The last line is breathtaking--"how did this ebb consume our future tide"--what a powerful question and note to end your heartfelt poem about lost love and the pain of divorce. The title and artwork fit the mood so well.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from amada
I can hear your hurt between the lines. A very thoughtful written poem in a very touching subject. The break of a family. Your lines carries sorrow.
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I can hear your hurt between the lines. A very thoughtful written poem in a very touching subject. The break of a family. Your lines carries sorrow.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from prodigal
Alright, so I know this isn't on topic with this particular post but I just have to say you are an amazing poet. There are those who are very good on the technical side of poetry (rhyme, meter, rythem) and there are those who are good at the emotional side of poetry. To see one who is as good as you are at both is a rare find. There are famous poets who have the technical skill that you do but lack emotion. This is another well written poem. I enjoy reading your poems very much. Well done- Sam
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Alright, so I know this isn't on topic with this particular post but I just have to say you are an amazing poet. There are those who are very good on the technical side of poetry (rhyme, meter, rythem) and there are those who are good at the emotional side of poetry. To see one who is as good as you are at both is a rare find. There are famous poets who have the technical skill that you do but lack emotion. This is another well written poem. I enjoy reading your poems very much. Well done- Sam
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from Sophiaalexandra
This is a very well written poem with a very large use of description and explanaion of your thoughts put together to make a very interesting peom. You did a great job with it.
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This is a very well written poem with a very large use of description and explanaion of your thoughts put together to make a very interesting peom. You did a great job with it.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from c_lucas
We are all victims of our culture. Very well written with an excellent rhyming scheme, making for an easy read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
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We are all victims of our culture. Very well written with an excellent rhyming scheme, making for an easy read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from howling harp
very nice job. its not always the case that there has to be hate in a separation though. i am having one myself that does not (i hope) include that. i have just written my own piece on separation. look for it to be posted real soon. ( read i need some review dollars). there are so many reasons for this today that i don't know where to begin but mainly i think that people just forget how to act as if they are still in love. they forget to say the words and do the acts that show it. and the other thinks that they don't feel that way and then they don't feel that way and so it goes... see ya soon. tell me what you thinnk of my separation will ya. have a great day!!
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very nice job. its not always the case that there has to be hate in a separation though. i am having one myself that does not (i hope) include that. i have just written my own piece on separation. look for it to be posted real soon. ( read i need some review dollars). there are so many reasons for this today that i don't know where to begin but mainly i think that people just forget how to act as if they are still in love. they forget to say the words and do the acts that show it. and the other thinks that they don't feel that way and then they don't feel that way and so it goes... see ya soon. tell me what you thinnk of my separation will ya. have a great day!!
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from Judian James
The first long line threw me a bit, but once I got into the piece, into the flow and finished the piece, I went back and read it through again. It is very well written.
Wistful and with pain but with an interesting rhyme scheme and a story so many can relate to, especially the children of divorce. excellent Sue
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The first long line threw me a bit, but once I got into the piece, into the flow and finished the piece, I went back and read it through again. It is very well written.
Wistful and with pain but with an interesting rhyme scheme and a story so many can relate to, especially the children of divorce. excellent Sue
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from joan marie
This very well describe the 'Grass is Greener on the Other Side' well. So many lives disrupted through the inability to keep a commitment. Great read. joan marie
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This very well describe the 'Grass is Greener on the Other Side' well. So many lives disrupted through the inability to keep a commitment. Great read. joan marie
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from Domino
Morning, Sue
I think it would read easier, and present better, if you divided each stanza's last line in two. This would also be original in the AABB_C
rhyme scheme. I found myself gasping for breath by the end of each last line, and the CCC rhyme would still round off each stanza nicely. I may be wrong, and it's just a matter of taste, so either way is fine.
Terrific and souful write of a broken marriage that still hurts. Great poem. Love, Ray xx
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Morning, Sue
I think it would read easier, and present better, if you divided each stanza's last line in two. This would also be original in the AABB_C
rhyme scheme. I found myself gasping for breath by the end of each last line, and the CCC rhyme would still round off each stanza nicely. I may be wrong, and it's just a matter of taste, so either way is fine.
Terrific and souful write of a broken marriage that still hurts. Great poem. Love, Ray xx
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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but then, it would be an AAAABC rhyme. The "B" would be out of place. Whaddya think?
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You're right, Sue, and I didn't know how to write down the format. So, the B's don't rhyme in each stanza, so what? LOL!. Maybe really go for it and make all the B's rhyme with each other, but I don't think that's necessary. You still have exactly the same words, set out better, and you're not breaking any rules - in fact I like the scheme with the rhyme break. Everything else is formatted perfectly.
I sure won't be offended if you leave as is.
Love, Ray xx
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I think I'm going to leave it, cuz I'm getting a few people commenting on how they like it. Well, doesn't that leave you in the minority! LOL!!! B
Thanks, though, for watchin' my back. You're always so helpful.
:-)) Sue
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No problemo, Sue. Respect! It's your poem and I'm often wrong I'm sure. I just posted a rather dramatic thingy, and would appreciate your opinion, if you've got a sec. xoxoxo