Decision Time
Whom Can You Trust in This Short Life?33 total reviews
Comment from justafan
Imma givin you this here 6 cause you done gone and made me laugh so dang burnit hard my fancy store bought teef shot right outta my mouth! Lol
I just knew it was gonna be a suicide. Ya done went and got me far an squar!
I loved it!
Always Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2018
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Imma givin you this here 6 cause you done gone and made me laugh so dang burnit hard my fancy store bought teef shot right outta my mouth! Lol
I just knew it was gonna be a suicide. Ya done went and got me far an squar!
I loved it!
Always Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 23-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2018
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Thank you for making MY day, Missy. I have the same problem with my storeboughts. With an added problem to boot. They need orthodonic work and are missing a front tooth, from when I bit into a Jack in the Box Taco.
The delights of growing old. Say ... why not pop over to my website, SeptuagenarianJourney.com and follow my blog and join the Sizzler Club. It's all free, and I'd love to have you. You'd even get a free copy of my twice anthologized Novella, "The Uneven Zen of Time."
Thanks again, Missy. My first 6 since I've been back!
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Jay, I wouldn't be too worried about what the word count does to your story. It reads fluidly for me, and I understood that you were working with only 75 words.
You could get rid of one word here: Craning my neck, just twist it around and get rid of me. 'Neck craning,' we assume it's your neck.
And you could get rid of another two here by doing much the same thing and removing the pronoun:
I grit my teeth. Close my eyes. Step off.
Gritted teeth, closed eyes, I step off.
That should get you down to 79 without taking away from its meaning.
The title drew me in. The picture sets the perfect tone, priceless. I also enjoyed the story and the ending with the Pest Control. A clever write for this competition, and best of luck with this original entry, cheers, Anastasia.
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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2018
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Hello Jay, I wouldn't be too worried about what the word count does to your story. It reads fluidly for me, and I understood that you were working with only 75 words.
You could get rid of one word here: Craning my neck, just twist it around and get rid of me. 'Neck craning,' we assume it's your neck.
And you could get rid of another two here by doing much the same thing and removing the pronoun:
I grit my teeth. Close my eyes. Step off.
Gritted teeth, closed eyes, I step off.
That should get you down to 79 without taking away from its meaning.
The title drew me in. The picture sets the perfect tone, priceless. I also enjoyed the story and the ending with the Pest Control. A clever write for this competition, and best of luck with this original entry, cheers, Anastasia.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Anastasia, for the tips. I don't need to pare it down any more, though. I'm at 75 by all counts now. I'm glad you enjoyed the twist and found it clever. That means a lot!
Jay
Comment from Gloria ....
LOL, It counts out as exactly 75 words on my word processor, Jay, so maybe we can make this a class action suit. ;-)
That said, this is at least PhD level literature and a pretty good flash fiction too. I mean who thought it was going to be real ants.
Great to see you friend and best wishes with the Contest Committee.
Gloria
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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2018
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LOL, It counts out as exactly 75 words on my word processor, Jay, so maybe we can make this a class action suit. ;-)
That said, this is at least PhD level literature and a pretty good flash fiction too. I mean who thought it was going to be real ants.
Great to see you friend and best wishes with the Contest Committee.
Gloria
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Comment Written 23-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2018
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Oh, Gloria ... It's so good to hear from you again. Amazing, I've been gone about 6 months and find nearly all the same players here. And you're one of the best of the lot!
