F-f-fu- Dy-yam! She-ut!
I'll do it later50 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I am looking forward to buying your books and reading them all without having to wait for you to write the next part! How cool will that be? I can understand your dilemma, after writing all that, to come almost to the end of the trilogy, you want it to be a thunderous, lightening, earthquake of an ending, not a feather floating down from a powder-puff cloud. But, having got to know you a bit over these last few weeks, I think you will most definitely pull it off. I also think you are wise to wait until it is perfect. Do you have a publisher in mind? I wish you the best of luck, and don't forget to tell us when it is up for sale. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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I am looking forward to buying your books and reading them all without having to wait for you to write the next part! How cool will that be? I can understand your dilemma, after writing all that, to come almost to the end of the trilogy, you want it to be a thunderous, lightening, earthquake of an ending, not a feather floating down from a powder-puff cloud. But, having got to know you a bit over these last few weeks, I think you will most definitely pull it off. I also think you are wise to wait until it is perfect. Do you have a publisher in mind? I wish you the best of luck, and don't forget to tell us when it is up for sale. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Sandra. I really DO appreciate your enthusiasm and your encouragement. I will get it right. The problem started in book 1. The good thing is while I'm resolving problems I'm also getting Book 1 ready to publish.
Comment from Stephendick24
Thank you for posting this, Jay. The timing was good for me. I see your piece as being both cautionary and somewhat inspirational. The "somewhat" says more about the reader than it does the writer. I don't feel like much of anything other than stumbling across the fountain of youth could inspire me today.
First, why "cautionary"? Well, I realize that not-even-so-deep down, I don't want to finish my novel until I draw my last breath knowing I'm leaving something behind because there won't be anything or anyone else. I'm happy where I am-with 107 pages of a draft, a good sense of what the tone of all of it will be at the end, and no pressing need, not yet, to tie the loose ends together or, as you put it, risk seeing the shards of the surfboard scattered all about.
What is encouraging is to hear of your stoicism in regard to your book's unraveling and to know of another writer who is honest and daring enough to share what you did. I know I'm speaking of myself more here than of your piece, but indirect as that may seem, that is the best review I can give anyone. (For what little it's worth, I wish I had given you six stars). You made me reconsider and look more closely at my feelings about the future of what I'm trying to devote at least two hours a day to. You made me feel less alone, which is the best review I can give anyone.
Just a thought, Milton, I think, wrote Paradise Lost to justify God's ways to man. He was probably a little bewildered when most readers ended up rooting for the devil, an unintended consequence that insured his masterpiece would live forever.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you for posting this, Jay. The timing was good for me. I see your piece as being both cautionary and somewhat inspirational. The "somewhat" says more about the reader than it does the writer. I don't feel like much of anything other than stumbling across the fountain of youth could inspire me today.
First, why "cautionary"? Well, I realize that not-even-so-deep down, I don't want to finish my novel until I draw my last breath knowing I'm leaving something behind because there won't be anything or anyone else. I'm happy where I am-with 107 pages of a draft, a good sense of what the tone of all of it will be at the end, and no pressing need, not yet, to tie the loose ends together or, as you put it, risk seeing the shards of the surfboard scattered all about.
What is encouraging is to hear of your stoicism in regard to your book's unraveling and to know of another writer who is honest and daring enough to share what you did. I know I'm speaking of myself more here than of your piece, but indirect as that may seem, that is the best review I can give anyone. (For what little it's worth, I wish I had given you six stars). You made me reconsider and look more closely at my feelings about the future of what I'm trying to devote at least two hours a day to. You made me feel less alone, which is the best review I can give anyone.
Just a thought, Milton, I think, wrote Paradise Lost to justify God's ways to man. He was probably a little bewildered when most readers ended up rooting for the devil, an unintended consequence that insured his masterpiece would live forever.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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What an organized and encouraging review, Stephen. I'm glad this post is also helping you take a fresh look at your own story. I will get it right.
Comment from krprice
A heart-felt confession from you. Excellent.
I can understand why you weren't happy with the ending. Kyre was too involved, Axtilla was dead, and while Rheuthor was either dead or dying, Pondria didn't seem to have much to do with it. Look forward to reading more.
Karlene
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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A heart-felt confession from you. Excellent.
I can understand why you weren't happy with the ending. Kyre was too involved, Axtilla was dead, and while Rheuthor was either dead or dying, Pondria didn't seem to have much to do with it. Look forward to reading more.
Karlene
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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You hit the nail on the head with your assessment of what happened. And on top of it I think you feel my frustration.
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That's why I plan my novels, even my trilogies, so I don't write myself into a corner or can't finish without a satisfying ending.
Karlene
Comment from robina1978
Your artwork is perfect as is this chapter. I think you did pretty well with all chapters. But one always has to check. No changes needed. A joy to read.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Your artwork is perfect as is this chapter. I think you did pretty well with all chapters. But one always has to check. No changes needed. A joy to read.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Robina .
Comment from Dashjianta
I'm sorry to hear that, Jay, but if you're not happy with the final direction then it's probably best to correct it before you crash into the big wall. Hope your editing goes well and that you find the way to the end sooner rather than later. Send me a message if there's anything specific you want to go over, or if you just want to do some thinking out loud.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I'm sorry to hear that, Jay, but if you're not happy with the final direction then it's probably best to correct it before you crash into the big wall. Hope your editing goes well and that you find the way to the end sooner rather than later. Send me a message if there's anything specific you want to go over, or if you just want to do some thinking out loud.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the offer, Alex. I probably will.
Comment from bookishfabler
Well Good Morning, my old friend. As you well know I had not read your trilogy. Too hard for me coming in and out to keep track of. However I am delighted at how wonderfully you wrote this essay. It is literature by itself in your choice of words. I truly hope you shall get that ending just right. i know it is a hard and lonely task. Good luck
Hugs
Heidi
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Well Good Morning, my old friend. As you well know I had not read your trilogy. Too hard for me coming in and out to keep track of. However I am delighted at how wonderfully you wrote this essay. It is literature by itself in your choice of words. I truly hope you shall get that ending just right. i know it is a hard and lonely task. Good luck
Hugs
Heidi
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Many thanks, Heidi. I appreciate your support.
Comment from Alex Rosel
Shit! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy .... - This is a neat first couple of sentences. Dynamic and immediately drawing the reader in. Just a point, an ellipsis consists of three dots with no space left between the word-ending and the ellipse. So it should be I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy...
The closer I get to the all-important climax - I'd cut the all-important. The notion of the climax to a work of prose already makes it clear that it's important. Repeating sentiments detracts from the pace.
You know? Would anyone with an ounce of sense want to spend three years grinding out three books ending with the climax on the final one that sorta-kinda works? No, and I have pretty close to an ounce of sense. - This displays attitude. In non-fiction, it helps maintain reader interest if the authors expresses strongly held views. Few want to read mediocre. That gets a thumbs up from me.
Omit the Consider this:. You wouldn't be writing it if you didn't want the reader to consider it. It's weak writing and detracts from the pace. Having said that, I like how you shift scenes with what follows. Shifting keeps the reader on their toes. It helps to intrigue and maintain interest/pace.
I found myself atop the feathering crest of the perfect wave- Nice imagery. :-)
The sun sheathed my shoulders and arms - Maintaining the imagery. That's neat consistency.
The last hundred pages of Book III, like the aftermath of the board, will be in jagged pieces - Expertly crafted metaphor. Very evocative.
Deus ex machina - I've learned a new phrase. Good writers entertain and inform. You've scored a hit here with me for that one.
What's wrong is the reader feels cheated and his/her knuckles won't grow back. - Exactly! Something every author should be aware of. Never, never ever, leave the reader feeling cheated.
Even made him a bit of a clown (you can start humming it again!) - Here, repetition helps create a neat framework for your piece. That's well crafted.
But I must go all the way back to Book One to make some necessary changes that will foreshadow the climax in book 3 - I'm a great advocate of foreshadowing.
When I'm finished, I'll make sure (to bowdlerize Browning), that "God's in his Heaven, and all's right in the world" ... of The Trining. - A nice concluding sentence.
Overall:
I enjoyed reading this. Particularly strong powerful writing in places. It may even entice me to read your trilogy when it's finished ;-) Well done.
Keep writing :-)
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Shit! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy .... - This is a neat first couple of sentences. Dynamic and immediately drawing the reader in. Just a point, an ellipsis consists of three dots with no space left between the word-ending and the ellipse. So it should be I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy...
The closer I get to the all-important climax - I'd cut the all-important. The notion of the climax to a work of prose already makes it clear that it's important. Repeating sentiments detracts from the pace.
You know? Would anyone with an ounce of sense want to spend three years grinding out three books ending with the climax on the final one that sorta-kinda works? No, and I have pretty close to an ounce of sense. - This displays attitude. In non-fiction, it helps maintain reader interest if the authors expresses strongly held views. Few want to read mediocre. That gets a thumbs up from me.
Omit the Consider this:. You wouldn't be writing it if you didn't want the reader to consider it. It's weak writing and detracts from the pace. Having said that, I like how you shift scenes with what follows. Shifting keeps the reader on their toes. It helps to intrigue and maintain interest/pace.
I found myself atop the feathering crest of the perfect wave- Nice imagery. :-)
The sun sheathed my shoulders and arms - Maintaining the imagery. That's neat consistency.
The last hundred pages of Book III, like the aftermath of the board, will be in jagged pieces - Expertly crafted metaphor. Very evocative.
Deus ex machina - I've learned a new phrase. Good writers entertain and inform. You've scored a hit here with me for that one.
What's wrong is the reader feels cheated and his/her knuckles won't grow back. - Exactly! Something every author should be aware of. Never, never ever, leave the reader feeling cheated.
Even made him a bit of a clown (you can start humming it again!) - Here, repetition helps create a neat framework for your piece. That's well crafted.
But I must go all the way back to Book One to make some necessary changes that will foreshadow the climax in book 3 - I'm a great advocate of foreshadowing.
When I'm finished, I'll make sure (to bowdlerize Browning), that "God's in his Heaven, and all's right in the world" ... of The Trining. - A nice concluding sentence.
Overall:
I enjoyed reading this. Particularly strong powerful writing in places. It may even entice me to read your trilogy when it's finished ;-) Well done.
Keep writing :-)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I appreciate the thoroughness of your review. It's going to be helpful.
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Pleased to be of some help. Hopefully, I'll get the chance to read more of your work :-)
Comment from jpduck
Oh, Jay, my heart ached for you reading this. Obviously, I can't do much in the way of reviewing, because, as you know, I never read 'The Trining' -- it started before I got here.
But, hey, don't beat yourself up -- the Trining characters are doing that for you, aren't they?
You have just explained to me why I keep plugging away at short stories, leaving a quarter-finished second novel 'temporarily' abandoned. There's less far to fall.
With huge sympathy,
Adrian
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Oh, Jay, my heart ached for you reading this. Obviously, I can't do much in the way of reviewing, because, as you know, I never read 'The Trining' -- it started before I got here.
But, hey, don't beat yourself up -- the Trining characters are doing that for you, aren't they?
You have just explained to me why I keep plugging away at short stories, leaving a quarter-finished second novel 'temporarily' abandoned. There's less far to fall.
With huge sympathy,
Adrian
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thanks, Adrian. While I'm editing Book 1 and tightening up the timeline, I'm also writing a few short stories to keep the creative juices flowing.
Comment from c_lucas
You are not the first, nor will you be the last writer to "paint himself in the proverbial corner." Unfortunately, there is no cure-all. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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You are not the first, nor will you be the last writer to "paint himself in the proverbial corner." Unfortunately, there is no cure-all. This is very well written.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Charlie, for the six stars and the encouragement.
Comment from country ranch writer
TIME TAKES PATIENCE SO HENCE FOR PATIENCE EQUALS TIME SO IT IS WHAT IT IS AND YOU WILL FIX IT EVENTUALLY SO DON'T GO CHOPPING HEADS OFF AND MAKING THEM ROLL
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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TIME TAKES PATIENCE SO HENCE FOR PATIENCE EQUALS TIME SO IT IS WHAT IT IS AND YOU WILL FIX IT EVENTUALLY SO DON'T GO CHOPPING HEADS OFF AND MAKING THEM ROLL
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you, B.J. I'm working three hours a day editing book one, trying to find the roots of the problem. I'll get there. In the meantime, thanks for your encouragement.
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s m i l e s
