Love At First Sight
100 Words Contest57 total reviews
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
Nice piece of General Fiction meeting the desired norms and beautifully depicting its theme!
Wording is simple as well as matching the theme - a good quality.
Smooth and captivating flow from top to bottom.
"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me..."
Tonight I should know.
- The result is crystal-clear, for 'Well begun is half done.' You are bound to stand as a winner in the race of Love.
Best of Luck!
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
Hello Friend,
Nice piece of General Fiction meeting the desired norms and beautifully depicting its theme!
Wording is simple as well as matching the theme - a good quality.
Smooth and captivating flow from top to bottom.
"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me..."
Tonight I should know.
- The result is crystal-clear, for 'Well begun is half done.' You are bound to stand as a winner in the race of Love.
Best of Luck!
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thank you so much for the lovely and encouraging review. I'm so pleased. As for winning? I think not, I never seem to get the votes. But all the same, it's good fun to participate. All the best.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Yeah, second meeting - that's bound to reveal whether it's true love or 'loves me not.'
Your short but sweet story presents a snapshot of a swooning young girl, hoping for love.
I don't think 'rant' is the best choice here - it usually indicates anger...
Steve
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
Yeah, second meeting - that's bound to reveal whether it's true love or 'loves me not.'
Your short but sweet story presents a snapshot of a swooning young girl, hoping for love.
I don't think 'rant' is the best choice here - it usually indicates anger...
Steve
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Hi Steve, thanks a lot. I'm confused I'd never called this a 'rant' ???? because it isn't. Thanks all the same
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No, but you did use the word 'rant' in the piece to describe the 'loves me, loves me not' chant.
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Steve, I do apologize. You are absolutely right, and I have changed it to 'chant.' I'm very pleased that you picked it up. And again sorry I was stubborn. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from barkingdog
You captured a moment in time and showed us how hopeful the girl is as she waits to find out if it is true love. I like the way you started and ended the story with the familiar rhyme.
Well, written. Good pacing.
I saw no corrections.
Good luck in the contest.
:) e
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
You captured a moment in time and showed us how hopeful the girl is as she waits to find out if it is true love. I like the way you started and ended the story with the familiar rhyme.
Well, written. Good pacing.
I saw no corrections.
Good luck in the contest.
:) e
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Hi Ellen, thanks so much. I'm pleased that you liked it.
Comment from infinityyingyang
Ah! The ending definitely leaves me wanting more! Yet that's the point of the story. The mystery teasing of an unknown universe. Brilliant.
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
Ah! The ending definitely leaves me wanting more! Yet that's the point of the story. The mystery teasing of an unknown universe. Brilliant.
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thank you so much. I'm so pleased that you liked it. All the best.
Comment from winnona
The artwork you chose is unique like the story. Well written and realistic. Your words you chose bring the story to life for the reader. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well.
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
The artwork you chose is unique like the story. Well written and realistic. Your words you chose bring the story to life for the reader. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well.
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thanks ever so much. I'm pleased that you liked it.All best.
Comment from Mary Wakeford
I have a love hate relationship with these 100 word story prompts. Every one I've read tonight leaves me wanting to read more of the story. I guess that is a great thing for the writers, but not such a great thing for the readers. Well done!
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
I have a love hate relationship with these 100 word story prompts. Every one I've read tonight leaves me wanting to read more of the story. I guess that is a great thing for the writers, but not such a great thing for the readers. Well done!
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thanks a lot Mary. They are very difficult to write exactly because of the restriction of words. It's great exercise to express a lot in not so many words. All best
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thank you very much.
Comment from GeraldS
Starting and ending with the "He loves me, he loves me not" ditty was a good technique. It frames the compact little romance story very effectively. I think you met the 100 word limitation effectively. Always tough to write such short pieces.
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
Starting and ending with the "He loves me, he loves me not" ditty was a good technique. It frames the compact little romance story very effectively. I think you met the 100 word limitation effectively. Always tough to write such short pieces.
Comment Written 11-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thanks a lot. Much appreciated.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oooooopps, I hope you won't be upset with me, but there's a lack of clarity in that third paragraph and then the following dialogue - it's a past tense paragraph, but then suddenly the dialogue switches to present tense with his question, then a DIFFERENT time again as the protagonist switches back to the chant - a bit confusing for the reader, IMHO. It's a great idea, and with a little tweaking, I think it could be a romantic gem. Good luck.
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
Oooooopps, I hope you won't be upset with me, but there's a lack of clarity in that third paragraph and then the following dialogue - it's a past tense paragraph, but then suddenly the dialogue switches to present tense with his question, then a DIFFERENT time again as the protagonist switches back to the chant - a bit confusing for the reader, IMHO. It's a great idea, and with a little tweaking, I think it could be a romantic gem. Good luck.
Comment Written 11-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thanks Dawn, look at it at again and you'll see it's not so confusing. Everything in quotation mark is in present tense as it is dialogue or said out loud. Hope it clarifies it. In normal prose that is what you do. Story and event told in past tense and direct speech in present tense and with quotation marks. I am not upset at all. LOL Thanks a lot again.:))
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Well, it's what you do, or did here, and it's your story, after all - *smile* - but if I didn't give you my opinion then it wouldn't be an honest review. However, I did read it again - twice, and yes, after a few reads it wasn't a problem. :)
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Thanks for coming back on this. You are so right, it would'nt be honest if you didn't tell me your opinion. That's what's reviewing is about. Much appreciated.:))
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Of course - my pleasure. :)
Comment from johnwilson
Very well done. So difficult to write anything worthwhile in prose using only 100 words yet you pulled it off. The ending, for me, makes it shine.
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
Very well done. So difficult to write anything worthwhile in prose using only 100 words yet you pulled it off. The ending, for me, makes it shine.
Comment Written 11-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thank you so much for this lovely review. All best.