THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Pressure on a Bruise"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
37 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
Your descriptions of things taking place beyond his ken by Doctrex's
speculations leads me to wonder-how many of his guesses are as
inaccurate as mine generally are? Then Rheuther's laugh at the end..
now what? Excellent.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016
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Your descriptions of things taking place beyond his ken by Doctrex's
speculations leads me to wonder-how many of his guesses are as
inaccurate as mine generally are? Then Rheuther's laugh at the end..
now what? Excellent.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016
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Ah-ha! Sounds like you're liking it. Thank you, Red. I have such respect for you and your writing that I start prancing like a peacock when you compliment me.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Jay Squires,
Nice piece of Fantasy Fiction in continuation and beautifully carrying forward the story!
Transparent description of the scenes and situations.
Wording is impressive and perfectly matching the theme.
Smooth and captivating flow throughout with lively imagery at some places.
The last two-three paragraphs are making the end catchy and motivating the reader for the next part - An excellent hook!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016
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Hello Jay Squires,
Nice piece of Fantasy Fiction in continuation and beautifully carrying forward the story!
Transparent description of the scenes and situations.
Wording is impressive and perfectly matching the theme.
Smooth and captivating flow throughout with lively imagery at some places.
The last two-three paragraphs are making the end catchy and motivating the reader for the next part - An excellent hook!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016
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Thank you so much, not just for the six and the kindness, but the obvious depth at which you read my story and your eloquent articulation of your review.
Comment from c_lucas
Conspiracies have a bad habit of coming apart at the seams. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Will the plan work?
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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016
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Conspiracies have a bad habit of coming apart at the seams. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Will the plan work?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016
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I've been wasting a ton of words (over a 1000 pages of 'em) if it doesn't work. Keep your fingers crossed, Charlie. And thanks for staying with me for (I believe) the entire three books. Right?
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from country ranch writer
hum sounds like he is up to no good as usual wonder what all his laughter was about there at the last he gives me the creeps really he does
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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hum sounds like he is up to no good as usual wonder what all his laughter was about there at the last he gives me the creeps really he does
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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I'm happy to be able to give any reader the creeps, B.J., really, I am. I'm so glad you're into this. Thank you for your review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
The first section was expertly told through Doctrex's thoughts. very well handled. Commentary and motivation explored in a very deft manner without sounding like an information dump. Excellent write.
A good choice to continue with Glnot's return to break the internal dialogue of the piece.
Also a great place to end the chapter, leaving the reader with the same slight sense of confusion as Doctrex.
Excellent stuff
You're a part of it. Have a seat ." - delete space after seat.
G
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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Hi Jay,
The first section was expertly told through Doctrex's thoughts. very well handled. Commentary and motivation explored in a very deft manner without sounding like an information dump. Excellent write.
A good choice to continue with Glnot's return to break the internal dialogue of the piece.
Also a great place to end the chapter, leaving the reader with the same slight sense of confusion as Doctrex.
Excellent stuff
You're a part of it. Have a seat ." - delete space after seat.
G
Comment Written 17-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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Whoa! THanks for the sixer, G. Also, for the spacing error. It's now fixed, sir. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Jay. I have to tell you Sir, that even though I have missed so much of this book, after reading from the start, it was so easy to catch up. Your writing, along with the notes you so elequently wrote helped me to get back on track with you.
You are by far the best author on Fanstory and it is always a pleasure to read your work. There is never a word out of place and this chapter is no exeption. What a great chapter buddy.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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G'day Jay. I have to tell you Sir, that even though I have missed so much of this book, after reading from the start, it was so easy to catch up. Your writing, along with the notes you so elequently wrote helped me to get back on track with you.
You are by far the best author on Fanstory and it is always a pleasure to read your work. There is never a word out of place and this chapter is no exeption. What a great chapter buddy.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 17-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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Lol, do you know you called me "buddy", Mate? Again, LOL, thanks, Fez, for reading this and for your high compliments. A good thing to hear before climbing in bed with my muse. I'm too old to do anything with her but listen how the chapter could have been improved. Thanks, again, Fez.
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
Good stream of consciousness summarizing Doctrex's self satisfaction and fantasy. I also like the reaction to himself: [I rolled to my side and propped myself onto my elbow to drink, though I found it difficult to pour down the water through a smile. I managed with nothing spilled, returned the glass, and then bent down a flower stem to breathe in the fragrance. Axtilla ...] You imply hubris very well.
This episode has a lot of tension going this way and that, social tension, military tension, sexual tension, anticipation. You do a good job of bringing Rhuether in to amplify it, then cliffhang on it.
Good writing, Jay!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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Good stream of consciousness summarizing Doctrex's self satisfaction and fantasy. I also like the reaction to himself: [I rolled to my side and propped myself onto my elbow to drink, though I found it difficult to pour down the water through a smile. I managed with nothing spilled, returned the glass, and then bent down a flower stem to breathe in the fragrance. Axtilla ...] You imply hubris very well.
This episode has a lot of tension going this way and that, social tension, military tension, sexual tension, anticipation. You do a good job of bringing Rhuether in to amplify it, then cliffhang on it.
Good writing, Jay!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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Many thanks, Robert. Wow! THanks for the six stars. I was worried about this chapter being too cerebral for three-quarters of it.
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I think it works because he's thinking to himself about active issues. It's not the narrator info-dumping, but the concerns of the main character. And it all sticks to the story problem. No fluff. The way you handled it makes it interesting. I think. One of my favorite pieces of yours.
