Cut and Run, Part Two
A Salon Vivant mystery48 total reviews
Comment from MM lives on :)
Hi Bev, I am trying to possibly head back and check out part 1 the salon owners and the whole drama rama that these divas roll out seems like a little holly wood movie...then it takes a turn with the old house and Al Capone which further adds to what the reader can experience next...cold draft...haunting perhaps or?
7 STARS ! GREAT JOB AND MAKES US WANT MORE! LOVE THE PLOT
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Hi Bev, I am trying to possibly head back and check out part 1 the salon owners and the whole drama rama that these divas roll out seems like a little holly wood movie...then it takes a turn with the old house and Al Capone which further adds to what the reader can experience next...cold draft...haunting perhaps or?
7 STARS ! GREAT JOB AND MAKES US WANT MORE! LOVE THE PLOT
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much, Christopher. I can't take total credit for the haunted hair salon as we actually do have one here in Traverse City. The customers don't know it, but the staff regularly has experiences. They decided to take the abandoned insane asylum (what they used to call it, though I hate that description) and decided to make it into residences and commercial ventures. Now they have ghosts! DUHHHH!
I so appreciate your awesome review!! Thanks for reading my story and offering such encouragement. I love it.
:) Bev
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Very dramatic and more interesting now that there is the addition of a handsome architect. I'm keen to see how the crisis is resolved, Giddy
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Very dramatic and more interesting now that there is the addition of a handsome architect. I'm keen to see how the crisis is resolved, Giddy
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much, Giddy. Glad you're enjoying Justin's addition to the story. I am too LoL. Great to hear from you...
:) Bev
Comment from onebrit
Love interst in the shape of a handsome architect.....intrigue with Al Capone, possibly ghosts, bodies and bad employees....all the drama anyone could need, lovely!
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Love interst in the shape of a handsome architect.....intrigue with Al Capone, possibly ghosts, bodies and bad employees....all the drama anyone could need, lovely!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much, onebrit. I'm glad you enjoyed this second installment. And I appreciate your kind and generous review. :) Bev
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
I enjoyed reading your story, a well written piece of writing with good imagery and needs no changes. Thanks for sharing.Mary
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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I enjoyed reading your story, a well written piece of writing with good imagery and needs no changes. Thanks for sharing.Mary
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Hi, Mary Ann. I really appreciate your taking time out to read and review my story so generously. Thanks! Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
You have a real knack for description that makes whatever you write come alive - like this - "A flush creeps up my face and across my scalp. Am I the only one..."
Another good example is the very subtle way you describe the typical 'ghost presence'.
I'm so glad I'm in on this one from the start! :)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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You have a real knack for description that makes whatever you write come alive - like this - "A flush creeps up my face and across my scalp. Am I the only one..."
Another good example is the very subtle way you describe the typical 'ghost presence'.
I'm so glad I'm in on this one from the start! :)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Hi, Dawn. Thanks so much for this very generous review. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. And much appreciate your compliments on the writing. Hugs, Bev
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I can't wait for more! You're most welcome. :)
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Thanks, again, Dawn. xx
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My pleasure. (That poem is posted now. LOL)
Comment from donaldww
My suggestions, gathered as I read.... If they don't make sense, just ignore them.
I listedout the attributes of people I admired, and determined they all had one thing in common: Honesty.
Before coming across Deidre Keller, I was[,] as they say, knocking them out of the park.
There's no term limits on learning curves.
[Either 1) There are no term limits, or 2) There's no term limit. "Limits" is plural, verb is "are."]
Architect: spelled once with a capital, once without. I'm not sure which is correct, but shouldn't it be consistent?
Time to end this conversation.
[Is this line necessary? Nikki shows us this in her following dialogue.]
Good introduction to the staff and environment in the salon. And the reader has been given a hint that there might be a ghost in the house.
General comment. I find some of the inner thoughts redundant. Don't forget about subtext that is at work in your story. Many of the thoughts that go on in Nikki's mind, the reader has already figured out by her actions. Idea: Print out a version (at home) with the inner thoughts gone and read. See if anything vital is missing. Add back only what's absolutely necessary.
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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My suggestions, gathered as I read.... If they don't make sense, just ignore them.
I listed
Before coming across Deidre Keller, I was[,] as they say, knocking them out of the park.
There's no term limits on learning curves.
[Either 1) There are no term limits, or 2) There's no term limit. "Limits" is plural, verb is "are."]
Architect: spelled once with a capital, once without. I'm not sure which is correct, but shouldn't it be consistent?
Time to end this conversation.
[Is this line necessary? Nikki shows us this in her following dialogue.]
Good introduction to the staff and environment in the salon. And the reader has been given a hint that there might be a ghost in the house.
General comment. I find some of the inner thoughts redundant. Don't forget about subtext that is at work in your story. Many of the thoughts that go on in Nikki's mind, the reader has already figured out by her actions. Idea: Print out a version (at home) with the inner thoughts gone and read. See if anything vital is missing. Add back only what's absolutely necessary.
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the suggestions, Donald. The internal dialogue is a good tool for deepening the POV, so I doubt that I'll be changing that. Your other suggestions have merit and I thank you for that. Regards, Bev
Regards, Bev
Comment from abbasjoy
Wow! Things sure are heating up at Salon Vivant, or should I say cooling down, with the blast of cold air.
Nikki sure has her hands full. First with Diedre and now with news of possible ghosts, or who knows what, once the building starts being torn down.
This is getting exciting. Looking forward to more, Bev.
Good job!
Joan
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Wow! Things sure are heating up at Salon Vivant, or should I say cooling down, with the blast of cold air.
Nikki sure has her hands full. First with Diedre and now with news of possible ghosts, or who knows what, once the building starts being torn down.
This is getting exciting. Looking forward to more, Bev.
Good job!
Joan
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Hi, Joan. Thank you so much for your very encouraging and generous review! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. We actually do have a 'haunted' salon in our town. The local insane asylum (as it was called in the old days) has been developed into business and residential spaces. I hear they're having their share of problems. Can't imagine ever buying a condo in what was once an insane asylum!
Great to hear from you, Joan.
:) Bev
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I should think not! Remember Captain Swazee in that pub in Niagara-on-the Lake?
This story is getting mysterious :)
Joan
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Oh, I'll never forget the Captain! hehehehe
xx Bev
Comment from boxergirl
I like the continuation of your story line, Bev. Again, it reminds me so much of my friend Brigitte when she talks about her salon. Now we add a little twist with the Al Capone stories. Can't wait. 8-)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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I like the continuation of your story line, Bev. Again, it reminds me so much of my friend Brigitte when she talks about her salon. Now we add a little twist with the Al Capone stories. Can't wait. 8-)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, BG. I really appreciate your following the story and your words of encouragement. :) Bev
Comment from RGstar
Well done, Bev. As I read through. I thought to myself...well, Bev has a new concept. The story is about a hair salon and the drama that surrounds such. All the time in the back of my mind I had to tell myself to prepare for a drama of the highest quality. A soap, as we call it here in Britain.
Then, the twist... the mention of Al Capone, further more...ghosts. The mentioning of not being surprised at what we may find made me realize that I was hoodwinked into believing that you were writing a soap about a group of hairdressers and a salon. Well done, Bev.
You had me fooled for a minute.. Yipeee...we are in for a roller coaster ride of the unknown. Glad I am with you from the start.
Good anticipation for this one, Bev.
Good beginning.
RG
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Well done, Bev. As I read through. I thought to myself...well, Bev has a new concept. The story is about a hair salon and the drama that surrounds such. All the time in the back of my mind I had to tell myself to prepare for a drama of the highest quality. A soap, as we call it here in Britain.
Then, the twist... the mention of Al Capone, further more...ghosts. The mentioning of not being surprised at what we may find made me realize that I was hoodwinked into believing that you were writing a soap about a group of hairdressers and a salon. Well done, Bev.
You had me fooled for a minute.. Yipeee...we are in for a roller coaster ride of the unknown. Glad I am with you from the start.
Good anticipation for this one, Bev.
Good beginning.
RG
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Hello, RG! Great to hear from you. So glad you're liking my little salon story. There are lots of spots locally that Capone used to stay and even a haunted bar that he and his hoods used to hang out at. Also, there is a real haunted hair salon in our area. They developed a former insane asylum into retail space. Now they have a ghost problem. DUH!!!
Thanks for the awesome review and your support, my friend. I hope you are faring well.
XXX Bev
Comment from Mastery
Great write, Bev. You have a definite "flair" for the written word.
"My lips are tingling from the jalapenos in the cream cheese, which brings me back to the moment. And just in time to take in the crooked grin and chiseled features of the area's most sought-after bachelor, Justin Alder"
See you soon as I have nearly completed three chapters of the new book. Blessings. X Bob
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Great write, Bev. You have a definite "flair" for the written word.
"My lips are tingling from the jalapenos in the cream cheese, which brings me back to the moment. And just in time to take in the crooked grin and chiseled features of the area's most sought-after bachelor, Justin Alder"
See you soon as I have nearly completed three chapters of the new book. Blessings. X Bob
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Bob, thank you so much for stopping by to read my story. I so appreciate your encouragement and generosity. I never stray very far from my love of the paranormal.
How fantastic that you're digging into that sequel. I cannot wait to buy and read it.
XX Bev
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What a gal. X Bob
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Aw, thanks Bob (grinning from ear-ear)!