Shepherd
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "He"poems inspired by Psalm 23
49 total reviews
Comment from krys123
W.j.debi;
A very touching and moving piece of poetry that I truly enjoyed reading so much. From your read them to your rhyming and tempo and meter are that which created an invented a well written poem.
Your rhyming was done very well in neither of your rhymes with forced nor labored and your rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem.
"The skies drew dark on that dread day", Could be written with them more of a feeling and still keep in the syllabic format you could say by removing that word on handing dreadful as such: "The skies is drew dark that dreadful day".
Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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W.j.debi;
A very touching and moving piece of poetry that I truly enjoyed reading so much. From your read them to your rhyming and tempo and meter are that which created an invented a well written poem.
Your rhyming was done very well in neither of your rhymes with forced nor labored and your rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem.
"The skies drew dark on that dread day", Could be written with them more of a feeling and still keep in the syllabic format you could say by removing that word on handing dreadful as such: "The skies is drew dark that dreadful day".
Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Hi Alex,
Thanks for the encouraging review.
I'm having a little trouble understanding the second part. Maybe spell check helped too much, or because it's late I'm just having trouble making it out.
I took a look at the line in question and did make a change, but I have no idea if that is what you were suggesting.
I do appreciate the review and your attempt to help me improve. Have a great weekend. Debi
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You did exactly what I expressed and I hope it works for you. And you are so sincerely welcome.
Alex
Comment from jgirlie152
This is so beautiful, I can hardly find the words to tell you how my heart felt reading this. In all of the stories of the Bible, the Cruxifiction was the depth of sadness and how often have we asked ourselves how God could have put his Son through this. When I go to church and see the cross with Christ on it, tears come to my eyes, for He did this for us.
Thank you for this most beautiful quatrain.
Joan
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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This is so beautiful, I can hardly find the words to tell you how my heart felt reading this. In all of the stories of the Bible, the Cruxifiction was the depth of sadness and how often have we asked ourselves how God could have put his Son through this. When I go to church and see the cross with Christ on it, tears come to my eyes, for He did this for us.
Thank you for this most beautiful quatrain.
Joan
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the six stars, Joan. I am so pleased that you found this poem touching. It was such an unbelievable sacrifice that it is hard to fathom. I appreciate your insights. Thank you for sharing. Debi
Comment from royowen
You are so right about a parent turn away from the anguished cry of a beloved son, who became sin so that we would be freed from sin! He became poor that we could be rich! I love your beautiful poem about the moment that all the sin,sickness, affliction, poverty was laid on Him! Laid out in aabb rhyming. Even meter!,great write, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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You are so right about a parent turn away from the anguished cry of a beloved son, who became sin so that we would be freed from sin! He became poor that we could be rich! I love your beautiful poem about the moment that all the sin,sickness, affliction, poverty was laid on Him! Laid out in aabb rhyming. Even meter!,great write, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review, Roy. I appreciate your insights on the topic as well. Thank you for the encouragement. Debi
Comment from livelylinda
w.j.debi: no doubt God wept as His son suffered and died that day so long ago. We should receive much strength from His humility. Very nice writing. livelylinda
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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w.j.debi: no doubt God wept as His son suffered and died that day so long ago. We should receive much strength from His humility. Very nice writing. livelylinda
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the encouraging review, livelylinda. I appreciate your insights as well.
Comment from thedreampeddler
So sweet. Poems like this need no review for errors or imperfections because there are none. The only thing that holds my sixth star back is what I consider an overused theme, just said a little cooler.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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So sweet. Poems like this need no review for errors or imperfections because there are none. The only thing that holds my sixth star back is what I consider an overused theme, just said a little cooler.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Yes, it is a theme that has been around for centuries. I appreciate the kind remarks about the writing. Thanks for taking time to read and review.
Comment from ArtGal
So very well written, and I understand where you're coming from. I looked in my Study Bible for this scripture and it basically says that Jesus was not in despair when he said this, but knew he would be temporarily separated from God the moment he took upon himself the sins of the world. This separation was what he had dreaded as he prayed in Gethsemane. The physical agony was horrible, but the spiritual alienation from God was the ultimate torture. After saying these words, He took His last breath. I enjoyed reading your poem very much. . .Sharon
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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So very well written, and I understand where you're coming from. I looked in my Study Bible for this scripture and it basically says that Jesus was not in despair when he said this, but knew he would be temporarily separated from God the moment he took upon himself the sins of the world. This separation was what he had dreaded as he prayed in Gethsemane. The physical agony was horrible, but the spiritual alienation from God was the ultimate torture. After saying these words, He took His last breath. I enjoyed reading your poem very much. . .Sharon
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much for the kind words about the writing. Sharon. Thank you for taking time to look up the information and share it, too. It must have been a terrible separation for both--The Father having to take a step back and let the Savior go it alone, and The Son feeling that horrible loneliness. I agree, shear torture. I am so grateful he had the strength to complete it.
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We agree on all counts, but thank God that His son saved all of us with His precious blood. On a channel, I think The Discovery, they spoke of His death and how very, very much he suffered, and nothing could have been more painful. Unbelievable to die for us like this. It shows His great love for each one of us. I feel sorry for those who don't believe. Thanks for this wonderful feedback, I appreciate...Sharon
Comment from Dean Kuch
Wow, what a gorgeously presented, wonderfully written poetic proclamation of Christ's day on Golgotha, on the hill they named the skull, dying on that tree on Calvary, Debi.
Jesus had never felt more alone than He did when the Heavenly Father turned His face away that day. Christ took on the sins of the entire world, past, present and future, and the stain that darkened Christ's soul was so terrible, so sinfully horrific, that even God Himself could not look upon Him. Just imagine that for a moment!
Wonderfully done, Debi, in every aspect. Rhyme, meter and flow...and, oh yes, the presentation.
Simply breathtaking. So sorry I am out of sixes. FanStory needs to allow us more!
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Wow, what a gorgeously presented, wonderfully written poetic proclamation of Christ's day on Golgotha, on the hill they named the skull, dying on that tree on Calvary, Debi.
Jesus had never felt more alone than He did when the Heavenly Father turned His face away that day. Christ took on the sins of the entire world, past, present and future, and the stain that darkened Christ's soul was so terrible, so sinfully horrific, that even God Himself could not look upon Him. Just imagine that for a moment!
Wonderfully done, Debi, in every aspect. Rhyme, meter and flow...and, oh yes, the presentation.
Simply breathtaking. So sorry I am out of sixes. FanStory needs to allow us more!
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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I imagine that separation and loneliness was absolute torture for the Savior. I am sure The Father was in agony having to step away and allow it. I am so grateful for their strength to complete the ultimate sacrifice.
Wonderful picture, Dean. It brings a tear to my eye.
I appreciate the encouraging compliments about the writing as well and the virtual six. I agree, somehow we need more. Maybe they should give us all six to start with and then more based on the number of reviews written.
God bless. Debi
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You are very welcome, Debi, and I think that is a fantastic idea. Maybe you should pitch that to Tom, that the number of six star reviews we are allotted go up in number the more we review.
Very clever.
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Hello w.j.debi,
You have made great use of the swap quatrain form to write a wonderful poem about faith in God. Your poem has a very smooth meter and excellent form and rhymes. I like your use of questions to make the reader relate it to his or her own life. An excellent read, thanks for sharing.
All the best,
Rodger
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Hello w.j.debi,
You have made great use of the swap quatrain form to write a wonderful poem about faith in God. Your poem has a very smooth meter and excellent form and rhymes. I like your use of questions to make the reader relate it to his or her own life. An excellent read, thanks for sharing.
All the best,
Rodger
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review, Rodger. You gave me some things to think about and I like that.
Comment from Spitfire
I've often wondered how God felt about that. Jesus does show himself to be human with this question. He knew he had to play out a part, yet wasn't this going a little too far?
It also makes us see the compassion and love in God that he would weep for the child he picked to the One.
Good connection at the end with parents and loss of their loved ones. Well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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I've often wondered how God felt about that. Jesus does show himself to be human with this question. He knew he had to play out a part, yet wasn't this going a little too far?
It also makes us see the compassion and love in God that he would weep for the child he picked to the One.
Good connection at the end with parents and loss of their loved ones. Well done, my friend.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the six stars and the encouraging comments.
I've wondered the same thing. It must have been hard for The Father to allow all that happened in order for the Savior to complete his task. What wonderful love.
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming couplets
excellent use of the swap refain line
excellent use of enjambment
good alliteration in dark on that dread day
this is a moving and meaningful poem of faith in strong swap quatrain form :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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solid rhyming couplets
excellent use of the swap refain line
excellent use of enjambment
good alliteration in dark on that dread day
this is a moving and meaningful poem of faith in strong swap quatrain form :-) Brooke
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the encouraging review, Brooke. This is my first swap quatrain. You sparked my interest with the ones you have written lately.