Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Chapter 11; part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
65 total reviews
Comment from dmjones
Good Chapter Barbara. Very emotional and believable response for Steven at the end. The dialogue was realistic and it moved at a good fast pace. No spag noted.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Good Chapter Barbara. Very emotional and believable response for Steven at the end. The dialogue was realistic and it moved at a good fast pace. No spag noted.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from jayhawk67
Not quite a honeymoon postcard for Senor Vegas. Steven seems to think, well I'm not sure. Does he perceive a bounty on his head now? Was Leya declaring independence at his risk? He seems a bit too mcuh upset.
Good tantalizing serial type ending for this installement.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Not quite a honeymoon postcard for Senor Vegas. Steven seems to think, well I'm not sure. Does he perceive a bounty on his head now? Was Leya declaring independence at his risk? He seems a bit too mcuh upset.
Good tantalizing serial type ending for this installement.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Steven is heart broken and feels like a idot for allowing this woman into his heart. Thank you for your review.
Comment from laurelp
Whom, a complication I didn't expect. Nicely done. I'm not sure what Steven thinks about what Leya just did, but you have to know he is going to be wrong. Very good twist in the storyline.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Whom, a complication I didn't expect. Nicely done. I'm not sure what Steven thinks about what Leya just did, but you have to know he is going to be wrong. Very good twist in the storyline.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Did she step on the candy bar? She should. Would be a nice touch.
He slammed the front door hard enough [to break the window]
the window broke and an alarm went off.
Roberta
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Did she step on the candy bar? She should. Would be a nice touch.
He slammed the front door hard enough [to break the window]
the window broke and an alarm went off.
Roberta
Comment Written 04-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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I will get on those changes. Thank you for your review and have a nice Easter.
Comment from jadapenn
Okay, fast chapter, which had Steven fuming and out of control. Oh, dear these love sagas never flow smooth. If only Steven would stop to listen.I hope you're having a lovely weekend.Luv jada
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Okay, fast chapter, which had Steven fuming and out of control. Oh, dear these love sagas never flow smooth. If only Steven would stop to listen.I hope you're having a lovely weekend.Luv jada
Comment Written 04-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review. I just read your latest post and am bracing myself for Sheena and Jordan to go at it.
Comment from Helen Tan
I'm still curious as to why Leya needs to send the documentation to her dad and ex fiance. I guess I'll find out soon.
My career could be ruined. You knew that and still used me! I thought you cared at least a little. Man, I'm a sucker!
I was wondering whether the documentation would state that Steven was the person who took her virginity.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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I'm still curious as to why Leya needs to send the documentation to her dad and ex fiance. I guess I'll find out soon.
My career could be ruined. You knew that and still used me! I thought you cared at least a little. Man, I'm a sucker!
I was wondering whether the documentation would state that Steven was the person who took her virginity.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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Steven's career would be ruined because of her family ties to the drug cartel. His job normally is to stopp drug cartels. Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from axelbeariter
I risked everything for you! My career could be ruined. You knew that and still used me! I thought you cared at least a little. Man, I'm a sucker!" He turned to leave as he threw a chocolate caramel candy bar and a slip of paper to the floor.
Leya ran after him. "Steven, wait! I can explain!"/You have used five exclamation points within the space of five sentences--a writer's rule of thumb is to use only one ! per short story, and only one per three novel chapters--The idea is that we as writers need to show the intensity of the scenes involved. Using a ! for that is akin to telling. Other than that, your story moved along well, and the dialogue was realistic.
He slammed the front door hard enough the window broke and an alarm went off./put so between enough and the---
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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I risked everything for you! My career could be ruined. You knew that and still used me! I thought you cared at least a little. Man, I'm a sucker!" He turned to leave as he threw a chocolate caramel candy bar and a slip of paper to the floor.
Leya ran after him. "Steven, wait! I can explain!"/You have used five exclamation points within the space of five sentences--a writer's rule of thumb is to use only one ! per short story, and only one per three novel chapters--The idea is that we as writers need to show the intensity of the scenes involved. Using a ! for that is akin to telling. Other than that, your story moved along well, and the dialogue was realistic.
He slammed the front door hard enough the window broke and an alarm went off./put so between enough and the---
Comment Written 03-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2010
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After reading 9 books on puncutation and grammar, I have never read or heard that rule before. I will check it out, plus the '!' is used in dialogue. Thank you for the heads up.
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I have you scheduled on my tonight reviewing task. Do me a favor. I have a poem, Godā??s Full Power, at #110 on page 4 in the listing. I canā??t afford to raise it any higher. I would appreciate it, if you reviewed it before April 20th. If you would like to have me as a fan to review your latest work, please advise me.
Thanks, Axelbeariter
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One more thing, of course I would like you for a fan. Simpley go to my profile and click on become a fan.
Comment from Katiesherrill
Short but sweet. I am glad too see that it doesn't look like she is setting Steven up, I was wondering. I like how the story continues to build. Thank you for another great submission.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2010
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Short but sweet. I am glad too see that it doesn't look like she is setting Steven up, I was wondering. I like how the story continues to build. Thank you for another great submission.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Readywriter52
Steven thought Leya used him when she sent a message to her father and Carlos that she was no longer a virgin and that the sex was consensual. I'm puzzled on why she sent it, but I think Steven should have listened to her explanation.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2010
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Steven thought Leya used him when she sent a message to her father and Carlos that she was no longer a virgin and that the sex was consensual. I'm puzzled on why she sent it, but I think Steven should have listened to her explanation.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2010
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Steven was too hurt, thinking she was up to her old tricks. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your support.
Comment from Donovan
I am now hooked on this story. Women, the bane of my existence and Leya is no different. Falling to the floor and sobbing...has she no shame....I hope you have a nice holiday. Your parents are fortunate to have such a talent daughter. I don't know what I was thinking...nothing like repentance.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2010
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I am now hooked on this story. Women, the bane of my existence and Leya is no different. Falling to the floor and sobbing...has she no shame....I hope you have a nice holiday. Your parents are fortunate to have such a talent daughter. I don't know what I was thinking...nothing like repentance.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2010
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Thank you, you are too kind. Just wait until the end and see the strength Leya has. I think you will be impressed. Thank you for your kind review.