Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Chapter 8; part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
56 total reviews
Comment from FredCollingwood
Another great chapter. I like the way you added thoughts to help the reader understand what's going on in their minds. One minor thing:
After the safe house was attacked, Peggy was sent back to Task Force 385 to file papers. Leya was diagnosed with yellow fever. > all passive voice. Active would be stronger and more descriptive.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Another great chapter. I like the way you added thoughts to help the reader understand what's going on in their minds. One minor thing:
After the safe house was attacked, Peggy was sent back to Task Force 385 to file papers. Leya was diagnosed with yellow fever. > all passive voice. Active would be stronger and more descriptive.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Oh dear, I never gave much thought to my background. I guess I should. It would make since, dumb move on my part. Thank you for pointing it out.
Comment from empire76
This is a lovely chapter, Barbara. I like the way you handled Steven's thoughts in the first part. There isn't too much of it and what you have isn't intrusive - it flows very well with the narration and dialogue.
- He understood she was trying to justify that he saw her naked
How does he know this?
- He missed them not reading his soul.
Very nice
Empi
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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This is a lovely chapter, Barbara. I like the way you handled Steven's thoughts in the first part. There isn't too much of it and what you have isn't intrusive - it flows very well with the narration and dialogue.
- He understood she was trying to justify that he saw her naked
How does he know this?
- He missed them not reading his soul.
Very nice
Empi
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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He knew it because he has gained an understanding of how Leya thinks from a previous discussion. Thank you for your review.
Comment from mbroyles2
I enjoyed this chapter.
The relationship between Steven and Leya is an interesting one to say the least.
I keep waiting for a breakthrough.
The suspense is great.
The dialogue carries the story well.
Have a Blessed Day!
Michael
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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I enjoyed this chapter.
The relationship between Steven and Leya is an interesting one to say the least.
I keep waiting for a breakthrough.
The suspense is great.
The dialogue carries the story well.
Have a Blessed Day!
Michael
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words. I think your latest post is the next one in my PM's. Sorry, I got behind.
Comment from CKLA
This is another wonderful chapter. You dialogue and descriptions are great. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Collette
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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This is another wonderful chapter. You dialogue and descriptions are great. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Collette
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from jadapenn
Hey. You don't have to thank this supporter. I'm always around somewhere, up to no good as usual. lol. You know what I liked most here - this sweet Steven. He thinks one thing and then does exactly the opposite. He has a really nice personality.
Well done. luv jada
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Hey. You don't have to thank this supporter. I'm always around somewhere, up to no good as usual. lol. You know what I liked most here - this sweet Steven. He thinks one thing and then does exactly the opposite. He has a really nice personality.
Well done. luv jada
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Thank you. Can Steven rate up in the hunk catagory?
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Well, if he's in task force then he must be fit. Would he have a tan lying in Leya's room all day??? lol. He's a good boy not as hunky as Matt, but working on it. lol
Comment from RebelRose
Oh, I love this chapter. Steven and Leya will soon be declaring their love for each other. They are actually doing it now but not in so many words.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Oh, I love this chapter. Steven and Leya will soon be declaring their love for each other. They are actually doing it now but not in so many words.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Yes, that is what I want. How many of us feel love without declaring it for many months, afraid that it will not be returned.
Comment from PoetSpirit
Excellent chapter it has made me want to read the preceding chapters to continue the story! Awesome story line! Great work!
Best wishes, Emily
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Excellent chapter it has made me want to read the preceding chapters to continue the story! Awesome story line! Great work!
Best wishes, Emily
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're very welcome,
Best wishes, Emily
Comment from L.lora
Very well crafted. These two
people have fallen in love and
are too stuborn to admit it, or
too afraid of rejection or too
prideful, at any rate it is a
shame that they are wasting so
much time with their silly notions..
LOL. Excellent set up of the scene
and the characteristics of both
Steven and Leya. Flows smoothly,
narratives and dialogues are spot on.
No nits or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Very well crafted. These two
people have fallen in love and
are too stuborn to admit it, or
too afraid of rejection or too
prideful, at any rate it is a
shame that they are wasting so
much time with their silly notions..
LOL. Excellent set up of the scene
and the characteristics of both
Steven and Leya. Flows smoothly,
narratives and dialogues are spot on.
No nits or spags. Lora
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words and support.
Comment from nora arjuna
Ah, Steven, can't you see she has feelings for you. There's no reason why you should fight her off. Is there any reason? I wonder.
"I need [for] you to sit with me for a while." - don't need 'for'
After an examination and with Steven and Matt holding Leya while an IV was started, the doctor said to Steven, "Mrs. Albright[,] she may not survive this toxic stage of yellow fever."
Did the doctor meant Mrs or Mr Albright?
I hope she gets well soon.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Ah, Steven, can't you see she has feelings for you. There's no reason why you should fight her off. Is there any reason? I wonder.
"I need [for] you to sit with me for a while." - don't need 'for'
After an examination and with Steven and Matt holding Leya while an IV was started, the doctor said to Steven, "Mrs. Albright[,] she may not survive this toxic stage of yellow fever."
Did the doctor meant Mrs or Mr Albright?
I hope she gets well soon.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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I took care of that last sentence before I went to bed last night, wow, it takes a long time for it to reflect in the post. Thank you for your continued support.
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no i read earlier and made notes. only had time to review much later. my fault then.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
Your story in this chapter brings to mind the anxiety associated with the illness of a loved one. It is a nice chapter that heightens the suspense in the story. kudos
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Your story in this chapter brings to mind the anxiety associated with the illness of a loved one. It is a nice chapter that heightens the suspense in the story. kudos
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
