CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Source"A collection of poetry
39 total reviews
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Good morning poet friend. I haven't heard from you in a while. I enjoyed your poem and the spring like message. Not only is it a time for planting earthly seeds, but seeds of all sorts. Good message, Loyd
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Good morning poet friend. I haven't heard from you in a while. I enjoyed your poem and the spring like message. Not only is it a time for planting earthly seeds, but seeds of all sorts. Good message, Loyd
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
Comment from Badjuju
Great piece!!!
I am happy to see you have found so much support on this site, but most of all that you have continued to let creative birth continue. Good luck in the contest, Excellent work!!!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Great piece!!!
I am happy to see you have found so much support on this site, but most of all that you have continued to let creative birth continue. Good luck in the contest, Excellent work!!!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Thank you for your very kind compliments and review. Much appreciated! Sue
Comment from kchitti
i might suggest using 'for' instead of 'as' on the 3 syllable line -- just sounds better in my brain for some reason.
I also found the 'I want to live' portion of the 7 syllable line a little out of place for some reason. but I really love the 'Let it rain' ending of that line, so I guess that's a wash. :-) no pun intended.
I love the thread of dormant, grow, rain, bloom and using light to expose fear. it's just the 'I want to live' part that seems to throw me off. probably just me. it makes me think of someone contemplating suicide for some reason, which doesn't fit to me and probably is not what you meant either.
still, you use some lovely mental images and I enjoyed the theme very much.
good luck in the contest!!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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i might suggest using 'for' instead of 'as' on the 3 syllable line -- just sounds better in my brain for some reason.
I also found the 'I want to live' portion of the 7 syllable line a little out of place for some reason. but I really love the 'Let it rain' ending of that line, so I guess that's a wash. :-) no pun intended.
I love the thread of dormant, grow, rain, bloom and using light to expose fear. it's just the 'I want to live' part that seems to throw me off. probably just me. it makes me think of someone contemplating suicide for some reason, which doesn't fit to me and probably is not what you meant either.
still, you use some lovely mental images and I enjoyed the theme very much.
good luck in the contest!!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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I really appreciate all your comments. The "I want to live" part is in direct response to the seeds be "dormant". This is close to an angst piece of being in a lot of need. Not suicidal, but wanting one's self and strength back. Hope that helps you read a bit more into it. I'll go back and have a closer look at your first comments. Really appreciate your time to write your critique and excellent review. Very much appreciated! Sue
Comment from Joan E.
You have created a powerful nonet around the conflict between strength and fear. I enjoyed the bonus of your use of alliteration of "s's" and "f'fs". As always, you chose an intriguing picture.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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You have created a powerful nonet around the conflict between strength and fear. I enjoyed the bonus of your use of alliteration of "s's" and "f'fs". As always, you chose an intriguing picture.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Joan, so glad you liked my poem and glad you noticed the alliteration. (This time, I get to take credit for the image, as it is my own painting). Glad you like that too! Sue :-)
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How delightful to learn after the fact. You are a gifted poet and artist--the Renaissance woman!
Comment from joan marie
Fear is an odd emotion, we can let if freeze us in indecision or prompt us to move along and actually make us stronger. Good read. joan marie
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Fear is an odd emotion, we can let if freeze us in indecision or prompt us to move along and actually make us stronger. Good read. joan marie
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Well, there is acute fear and chronic fear. With acute fear, you haul ass to make things right or get the culprit. With chronic fear, we become paralyzed, living in doubt. And actually shrink our decision-making abilities. That's the one I wrote about. Thanks much for your review. Sue :-)
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At least I got the general idea. Unfortunately the seditives to control a neurological disorder often make me rather slow. I knew it was one or the other. Thanks for bearing with me. Tests and diagnostics will be over this month and hopefully I can get back to normal. jm
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I didn't even mean to suggest you didn't get it. I was basically agreeing with you that fear is, indeed, a strange emotion. I only just expounded on your comment of the two types of reactions we get. And said I wrote about the "chronic" one.
So glad to hear your tests will be over soon. I know it's been such an ordeal. And so very difficult.
Thinking of you,
Sue
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Thanks, I will be ready to lesson the traquilizers so I can understand what I am reading more of the time. I would stay away from reading but like the rest of us can't do it. Thanks for understanding. jm
Comment from ibex
I fail to see what is accomplished by disregarding the use of the (.) in the first two lines. The loss of voice emphasis by this ploy seems unnecessarily strained. The dash in the third line followed by a capitalized word seems to me to be disruptive of voice and structure. The lack of a (.) in the fourth line is again troublesome as it allows the next line to run into the thought of the following line, thus reducing its effect.
In view of your accomplishments as a poet, the above should not be considered criticism, but merely a way of asking you to share in the decision-making process of your work.
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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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I fail to see what is accomplished by disregarding the use of the (.) in the first two lines. The loss of voice emphasis by this ploy seems unnecessarily strained. The dash in the third line followed by a capitalized word seems to me to be disruptive of voice and structure. The lack of a (.) in the fourth line is again troublesome as it allows the next line to run into the thought of the following line, thus reducing its effect.
In view of your accomplishments as a poet, the above should not be considered criticism, but merely a way of asking you to share in the decision-making process of your work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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I appreciate all of your comments. It does cause me to think about having another look at it. Thank you for your courteous critique. Regards, Sue
Comment from words
Very well done!
Great use of the strange form.
Loved these lines:Let there be light to
expose my fear
as the fraud
that it
is
Yes,fear is always a fraud!!!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Very well done!
Great use of the strange form.
Loved these lines:Let there be light to
expose my fear
as the fraud
that it
is
Yes,fear is always a fraud!!!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Yes! A felonious fraud! HA! Guilt and fear....why in the world do we carry those ugly things around for??!! Thanks so much for your great review. Always appreciated! Sue
Comment from djcoomes
Very well executed nonet poem. Profound in its wording. I especially liked.... well I read it again and decided I just liked the whole thing. Good work. Darlene
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Very well executed nonet poem. Profound in its wording. I especially liked.... well I read it again and decided I just liked the whole thing. Good work. Darlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Darlene, that's the biggest compliment of all - to know you re-read it! Thank you so much for your great review. So much appreciated! Sue :-))
Comment from enjoi
Such an interesting poem, perhaps one of the best i've read with such a confining format. To that end, the content fits the format, in a manner that is quite interesting, with a sort of crescendo that is quite the rush. Great stuff.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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Such an interesting poem, perhaps one of the best i've read with such a confining format. To that end, the content fits the format, in a manner that is quite interesting, with a sort of crescendo that is quite the rush. Great stuff.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
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enjoi, with your very unusual writing style, I count this sixer as a 10! Ha! Because I know format is SO not your thing. But, glad you 'felt' it. A thrill for me. Thanks so much for your awesome review! Sue :-))
