CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 82 "March 2002"A collection of poetry
64 total reviews
Comment from Susan E. Pennycuff
Feb. 2003 for me and he didn't cry
nor did he answer my mom when she asked why
I really love how so many thought outside the box for this contest, not so many sappy love poems as one would expect.
It is going to make judging quite difficult. very good entry dear.
Suzi
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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Feb. 2003 for me and he didn't cry
nor did he answer my mom when she asked why
I really love how so many thought outside the box for this contest, not so many sappy love poems as one would expect.
It is going to make judging quite difficult. very good entry dear.
Suzi
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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Sometimes, they cry behind closed doors. Yes, this is a good contest with lots of excellent works. I love entering these contests. They have taught me SO much. Thank you very much for your very kind review and comments. Always appreciated, Sue
Comment from artsygal
This was very well done. A neat and tidy ending to what is one of the messiest processes one can endure. Anyone who has been there can relate.
I like how you created a formal tone in the beginning, which contrasts evocatively with the ending lines. This choice created tension and increased the dramatic result.
Well done, with no spags.
Hugs
artsygal
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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This was very well done. A neat and tidy ending to what is one of the messiest processes one can endure. Anyone who has been there can relate.
I like how you created a formal tone in the beginning, which contrasts evocatively with the ending lines. This choice created tension and increased the dramatic result.
Well done, with no spags.
Hugs
artsygal
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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What a great review. I thank you for summing up how you read it. That's always so helpful in giving the writer another view. By your saying it "created tension" is a big "wow" to me. Thank you for your great review with all your specific comments. Very much appreciated, Sue
Comment from Hitcher
I know that for me such action would fracture my world in ways I dare not imagine. Very strong little poem that UNFORTUNATELY a great many will be able to relate to. Good luck Sue!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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I know that for me such action would fracture my world in ways I dare not imagine. Very strong little poem that UNFORTUNATELY a great many will be able to relate to. Good luck Sue!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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Yes, so many have related so closely. And I'm so happy for you that you don't "know". A marriage, family is THE most wonderful things in the world. To have it disappear is beyond words. Thanks so much for your review, Hitch. I was going to PM you today and ask where ya been. I know...I know...THE BEACH! Ha!! :-)) Sue
Comment from Lois Delaney
This was a powerful poem with just fifteen words. My, you are so talented. It's a tear jerker, that's for sure. Especially for those of us who are going through rough times. Good job and nice presentation.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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This was a powerful poem with just fifteen words. My, you are so talented. It's a tear jerker, that's for sure. Especially for those of us who are going through rough times. Good job and nice presentation.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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It was a very sad day for us. Thank you for your most kind review and compliments. So encouraging. I appreciate it. With regards, Sue
Comment from honeytree
Yes one can feel sad after a broken relationship and can take time.
I enjoyed your words very much and your work was perfect.
One would cry
but maybe being friends a little and that is up to you both.
Honeytree
Honeytree
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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Yes one can feel sad after a broken relationship and can take time.
I enjoyed your words very much and your work was perfect.
One would cry
but maybe being friends a little and that is up to you both.
Honeytree
Honeytree
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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Honeytree, it is an honor that you deemed this work to be given your highest review. It all happened like that for my husband and I. Thank you for your lovely words, also. I appreciate this most sincerely. With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from GregoryC
The contest is a call for concrete, minimalist poetry. Something very difficult to achieve with success. It must be simple, concise, yet complex, one-word or one-phrase verse. [ an added touch - the ample use of the picture - the judgment is a decree with the authority of the gavel!] nice selection.
You are actually following a famous Ernest Hemingway writing rule: "If a writer of prose [or poetry] knows enough about what he is writing about he may omit things that he knows and the reader, if the writer is writing truly enough, will have a feeling of those things as strongly as though the writer had stated them. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one-eighth of it being above water."
A few aphorisms about minimalism are "Form follows function" and "Less is more".
Your brief poem packs a wallop: "Our names- / Separated by vs." These two simple expressions hits us between the eyes! Excellent use of an impersonal text to carry out an execution of sorts...a divorce!
The ordeal becomes a matter of fact - impersonal, business-like..."The papers- / Folded neatly"
The dire implications are there because it is a hard thing to do - and what is the result? - "We cry" Leave it at that. There is nothing more that can be said. The picture is complete - we know something unpleasant just happened. It is heartbreaking.
Quality work here.
Gregory
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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The contest is a call for concrete, minimalist poetry. Something very difficult to achieve with success. It must be simple, concise, yet complex, one-word or one-phrase verse. [ an added touch - the ample use of the picture - the judgment is a decree with the authority of the gavel!] nice selection.
You are actually following a famous Ernest Hemingway writing rule: "If a writer of prose [or poetry] knows enough about what he is writing about he may omit things that he knows and the reader, if the writer is writing truly enough, will have a feeling of those things as strongly as though the writer had stated them. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one-eighth of it being above water."
A few aphorisms about minimalism are "Form follows function" and "Less is more".
Your brief poem packs a wallop: "Our names- / Separated by vs." These two simple expressions hits us between the eyes! Excellent use of an impersonal text to carry out an execution of sorts...a divorce!
The ordeal becomes a matter of fact - impersonal, business-like..."The papers- / Folded neatly"
The dire implications are there because it is a hard thing to do - and what is the result? - "We cry" Leave it at that. There is nothing more that can be said. The picture is complete - we know something unpleasant just happened. It is heartbreaking.
Quality work here.
Gregory
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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Gregory,
You have given me more encouragement than you know with all these comments. I cannot tell you how exciting it is to read your words which thoroughly examine these simple lines. Your reference to Hemingway goes straight to my soul, because it is, indeed, a continuing road to learn to write in many forms. But, to write a full story with brevity, is the high bar.
I am so honored by your exceptional review. And I thank you from my heart.
With warmest regards,
Sue
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It was a pleasure to read; very impressive work. It showed you put careful thought into it.
Gregory
Comment from Marjorie D.
You've done a super job of expressing the heartbreak of ending a marriage. "We cry" lets the reader know it wasn't a one-sided sorrow. Wonderfully done! Good Luck.
XO
Marjorie
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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You've done a super job of expressing the heartbreak of ending a marriage. "We cry" lets the reader know it wasn't a one-sided sorrow. Wonderfully done! Good Luck.
XO
Marjorie
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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You sure did pick up on the "we cry". We both were hurt terribly. Thank you for your very generous review and comments. Always appreciated, Sue
Comment from AlvinTEthington
Powerful last line. However, I wonder if a poem about divorce is a "love" poem. Certainly it is heartbreaking, but by the time the papers are signed, is there love left? I suppose at least there can be some, but I would need that made clearer, which would be, granted, difficult to do in fifteen words or less. Nice alliteration in the penultimate line.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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Powerful last line. However, I wonder if a poem about divorce is a "love" poem. Certainly it is heartbreaking, but by the time the papers are signed, is there love left? I suppose at least there can be some, but I would need that made clearer, which would be, granted, difficult to do in fifteen words or less. Nice alliteration in the penultimate line.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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The contest says that it has to be a love poem. It can either be amount love OR the heartbreak of love. I chose the "heartbreak" side. The biggest heartbreak I've ever had. It would be good for you to refer back to the contest instructions so you can see where I am coming from. Thanks for your review. With regards, Sue
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Again, at least I would need the heartbreak to be made clearer and I know that is difficult to do in fifteen words or less. I see more concrete imagery than heartbreak in your poem until the very last line. But then again, I am only one reviewer.
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Alvin, I've had about 30 reviewers that completely see the heartbreak through and through. From beginning to end. Because they understand that when you've been married and you see those divorce papers in front of you, it is HEARTBREAKING!
1) To see the paper lying there folded neatly. (A contrast to how you are feeling at the time).
2) To see your two names separated by the word "versus" (a metaphor for a 'divide') and
3) to see your signatures penned beautifully next to each other on that horrible document (another contrast to how one is feeling at the time).
4) THEN, we cry. (both, he and I)
You have obviously never been married.
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Please don't make assumptions about my personal life. I was in a long term relationship for twenty years. We were not married because the law did not allow it. Mine is only one review amidst many.
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I have "suggestions" constantly on my work and I receive them very graciously. But when you slap on a 4 because you don't "get it", (like other times when you've said, - and I quote "I may be dense, but I don't "get it". Those are your words.
If you can't "get it" when everyone else does, what does that tell you, Alvin????
Give a 4 where it is due.
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I've been given four 6-star ratings on this poem in one day. They "get it". I've NEVE had that kind of reception before....ever! It's because they know what that paper can do to someone's heart. And it wasn't out of pity. They knew the "work" conveyed the emotions perfectly.
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This interchange really is inappropriate. I don't appreciate personal attacks and they are, indeed, against site rules. I don't think this interchange is benefiting either one of us. Four stars is a GOOD rating.
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I don't give shit about the stars! I care about how you do NOT GET IT and you haven't "GOT" a couple of my others when 30 others have. What part of that do you NOT understand?
I do NOT care to ever receive another review from you again. NOT because of the 4 stars. I've already explained why.
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Then please squelch me. I don't squelch people myself, so I seldom remember who doesn't want me to review him or her unless he or she has squelched me.
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It's already done.
Comment from grassroots08
I have never gone through divorce, so I'm confused. Is it the lawyer and the one who is served the papers who are crying? Someone has to serve notice on the other. One is getting what they want by leaving the other person. Maybe they found what they feel is true love the second go around. But both, it wouldn't seem, should be crying!?! Maybe end with "tears fall". That leaves room for judge, lawyer, and anyone else in the court room that is sad. If they are both crying, maybe they should reconsider and get back together. No nit here, just a crazy question. grassroots08
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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I have never gone through divorce, so I'm confused. Is it the lawyer and the one who is served the papers who are crying? Someone has to serve notice on the other. One is getting what they want by leaving the other person. Maybe they found what they feel is true love the second go around. But both, it wouldn't seem, should be crying!?! Maybe end with "tears fall". That leaves room for judge, lawyer, and anyone else in the court room that is sad. If they are both crying, maybe they should reconsider and get back together. No nit here, just a crazy question. grassroots08
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2009
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Not a "crazy question"! It's simply a story of the husband and wife having signed the document. And there it was before us. We both cried. Nobody else around. Just reality hitting that it was over. Not all divorce's are evil fights. Most people who get divorced go through emotional hell. Even if there has been a battle (which we did not have). Some things cannot be mended, but does not stop the heartache. The fact that it cannot be mended, in itself, is another heartbreak. Thanks for reading this carefully and wanting to understand it. Had to write "we cry" - in present tense - to let reader know that be both cried. "tears fall" would only indicate that I cried. Thanks very much for your very generous review and asking for clarification. With warmest regards, Sue
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Not meaning to pry into personal lives, I guess I was trying to understand. It was different for my parents, my dad brought home the new girlfriend for all of us to meet, my mom included. She had a nervous breakdown, as he stupidly brought her in the door, OH MY GOD what was he thinking - the fool. Yes, tears fell that night, but not my dad's. I didn't nit you for your dialogue, I was placing before your writing a way of expressing tears that all could share or only a few. I don't think the 'tears fall' implies that only she(you) cried. It lets all be part of the sadness. Cheers, your writer friend, Don
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Don, I completely understood what you were saying AND what you were trying to glean from my work. And I really do appreciate your taking the time to figure it out! HA!
Jeezuz! What people DO to one another! That is terrible what happened to your mother and your family. My heart breaks for her to have to witness that. Some people are just cold-hearted. And it's also heartbreaking what kids have to witness. Thanks for sharing that very personal story.
I never take ANY questions, suggestions, etc. bad at all. Quite the reverse, I view it as a compliment that someone would take the time. Thanks so much, Don.
With warmest regards,
Sue
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Warm wishes in return. Cheers, Don
Comment from Janelle
Been there, done that and I couldn't have put it better myself. The pain of signing those momentous documents which officially end all your high hopes, dreams and plans. I can still remember that day too, 28 years later! So much said, so eloquently, in so few words. Well done and good luck in the contest. Regards, Jan
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Been there, done that and I couldn't have put it better myself. The pain of signing those momentous documents which officially end all your high hopes, dreams and plans. I can still remember that day too, 28 years later! So much said, so eloquently, in so few words. Well done and good luck in the contest. Regards, Jan
Comment Written 25-Jan-2009