CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 139 "Revisited"A collection of poetry
51 total reviews
Comment from Charles Keith
Hi Six,
This is a very nice senryu, I really like the way you mention the way unwanted memories just can't be supressed.
Excellent.
You shouls have entered this in the FS 'haiku' contest it would stand a good chance.
Nice work
Thanks for sharing it.
Keith
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Hi Six,
This is a very nice senryu, I really like the way you mention the way unwanted memories just can't be supressed.
Excellent.
You shouls have entered this in the FS 'haiku' contest it would stand a good chance.
Nice work
Thanks for sharing it.
Keith
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Hi Keith, thank you very much for your very generous review and comments! And thanks for your "vote of confidence" - ha! With regards, Sue
Comment from luna
I enjoy reading senryus. I compliment you on your phrase "silenced under dusty time" - that gives a really nice image. Thanks for sharing with us.
Yours,
Luna *smile*
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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I enjoy reading senryus. I compliment you on your phrase "silenced under dusty time" - that gives a really nice image. Thanks for sharing with us.
Yours,
Luna *smile*
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Luna, thank you for commenting on the line that you liked. Always like to hear what resonates with a reader. Helps in learning on this lovely road of poetry. Your review is very much appreciated. Warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Sixteezkid ...
In just eight words in this well constructed Senryu
work, you have captured the idea of that which has long been tucked away in memories, now - through being
re-acquainted with an old friend - being alive and bright once more.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Hullo Sixteezkid ...
In just eight words in this well constructed Senryu
work, you have captured the idea of that which has long been tucked away in memories, now - through being
re-acquainted with an old friend - being alive and bright once more.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Nanette Mary, I am so pleased you enjoyed this piece. And that it resonated with you. I thank you for your very generous review and specific comments With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hi Sue,
Much like two ships passing in the night, we experience chance encounters with our past. I remember running into a former classmate at a Tacoma train station in 1967, as we each waited for our respective trains to arrive and depart. We spoke for about five minutes, as I recall. She was heading to the Haight-Ashbury, while I was going east to visit my fiance'e. The two destinations were reflective of the lifestyles we had each chosen. It wasn't until our fortieth high school reunion that I saw that classmate again. She is a psychologist in the San Francisco area and I am still married to the girl I was heading out to see all those years ago.
I know, I've indulged in a bit of "obiter dicta," but those are the memories your 17 syllables elicited from me.
Your Haiku and its accompanying picture are great.
Ray
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Hi Sue,
Much like two ships passing in the night, we experience chance encounters with our past. I remember running into a former classmate at a Tacoma train station in 1967, as we each waited for our respective trains to arrive and depart. We spoke for about five minutes, as I recall. She was heading to the Haight-Ashbury, while I was going east to visit my fiance'e. The two destinations were reflective of the lifestyles we had each chosen. It wasn't until our fortieth high school reunion that I saw that classmate again. She is a psychologist in the San Francisco area and I am still married to the girl I was heading out to see all those years ago.
I know, I've indulged in a bit of "obiter dicta," but those are the memories your 17 syllables elicited from me.
Your Haiku and its accompanying picture are great.
Ray
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Pen & Ink, your "obiter dicta" is refreshing!!! As that's what sharing writing is all about! So glad you shared that great story with me. And a good one it is. How vivid it is still in your memory. Your review is most appreciated! With regards, Sue
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
This poem provokes you to stop and reflect on some memory, perhaps happy or sad. Either case, the reflection somewhow makes the reader a more complete person. (this is my feeling). Good job.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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This poem provokes you to stop and reflect on some memory, perhaps happy or sad. Either case, the reflection somewhow makes the reader a more complete person. (this is my feeling). Good job.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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El Gato, your specific comments are so appreciated Am glad you said that it provokes the reader to "stop and reflect on some memory". Always helps me to learn! Thank you for your very generous review! Regards, Sue
Comment from ~Dovey
Senryu is usually written in
the present tense and only references to some aspect of human nature or emotions. (from the Shadowpoetry.com definition) Based on that, you may want to move this more to present tense, but I enjoyed it as is. :)
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Senryu is usually written in
the present tense and only references to some aspect of human nature or emotions. (from the Shadowpoetry.com definition) Based on that, you may want to move this more to present tense, but I enjoyed it as is. :)
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Dovey, I really appreciate your very generous review on this piece. And glad you enjoyed it! I have just looked at it again to make sure the present tense is there. Somehow, I see it. (like, I'm "now" aware that there have been memories covered, but they "now" alight). Maybe you can see that now or if not, I very much welcome more input! Very much appreciated. With regards, Sue
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Ultimately, it is your own, and if you are happy with it, I think it is fine. I was just looking at the 'silenced', 'revisited', unannounced. -ed endings tend to lean toward past tense. I pondered that second line as 'Under silence of time's dust.' But I think I like your way better... there is nothing to say that this can't be that rare exception to the everyday rule. It did say usually, not always. :) Keep up the good work!
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Dovey, I really appreciate your highlighting these points. I'm here to write, but mostly to learn, learn learn and continue to write. For you to point out this aspect of the genre, I "learn". And I thank you for it!
With regards,
Sue
Comment from Gramma Kathy
Once again, you have written a truly profound poem. I love the concept of "dusty time."
The artwork is fantastic, a perfect fit for your senryu.
You are so right, memories re-alight at the most pecular times and often without tangible reason.
Beautiful.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Once again, you have written a truly profound poem. I love the concept of "dusty time."
The artwork is fantastic, a perfect fit for your senryu.
You are so right, memories re-alight at the most pecular times and often without tangible reason.
Beautiful.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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Gramma Kathy, your most generous review and comments are most humbling. Thank you for letting me know what words you liked. That is always a pleaser to hear what others hear and see! So much appreciated...with warmest regards, Sue
Comment from c_lucas
When you are upset, stop and evaluate yourself. Get your perspectives in sight and continue. Very well written with good cadence leading to a very easy read. Good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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When you are upset, stop and evaluate yourself. Get your perspectives in sight and continue. Very well written with good cadence leading to a very easy read. Good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
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lucas, thanks so much for your very kind review. And your specific comments...most appreciated. With regards, Sue
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You're welcome, Sue. Charlie
Comment from Nicnac
quiet memories
silenced under dusty time
alight, unannounced
Another lovely poem, Sue.
I love the line - silenced under dusty time. This is lovely wording.
Very thought provoking words.
Blessings,
~Nic
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2008
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quiet memories
silenced under dusty time
alight, unannounced
Another lovely poem, Sue.
I love the line - silenced under dusty time. This is lovely wording.
Very thought provoking words.
Blessings,
~Nic
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2008
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Nicnac, again, thank you for reading my work. Am so glad you highlighted the line you liked. Always good to see what the reader likes. I appreciate your kind review and encouraging words. With warmest regards, Sue
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It is always a pleasure to read and review your fabulous talent! :)
Comment from adewpearl
This is a lovely poem and tells a story that can be interpreted within the experience of each reader - memories, long put on the back burner, come to the fore for some reason - in my case it is memories of my ex husband, brought to the fore when I had to clear things out of his mother's house after his sister, the only one left of the three of them, died - for a hundred other people there will be a hundred other stories - very provocative
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2008
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This is a lovely poem and tells a story that can be interpreted within the experience of each reader - memories, long put on the back burner, come to the fore for some reason - in my case it is memories of my ex husband, brought to the fore when I had to clear things out of his mother's house after his sister, the only one left of the three of them, died - for a hundred other people there will be a hundred other stories - very provocative
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2008
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So true...so true. Everyone has something that revisits. I really appreciate your kind review and lovely words. Warm regards, Sue