CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 146 "Warmth Lies Dormant"A collection of poetry
131 total reviews
Comment from LScribeHarris
Very nice haiku--meaningful and well constructed. My criticism is of the alliteration in the first line: "bite blanches". The sound of it is not very pleasing in my ears, so that might be something you consider revising for a better aural effect. The rest of the poem has a different sound to it, and the word "blanches" is the only one that sounds out of place. It's the only word that reaches into the back of my throat to pronounce, and it sounds disruptive in the phrase.
Take care, and keep writing! Scribe
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Very nice haiku--meaningful and well constructed. My criticism is of the alliteration in the first line: "bite blanches". The sound of it is not very pleasing in my ears, so that might be something you consider revising for a better aural effect. The rest of the poem has a different sound to it, and the word "blanches" is the only one that sounds out of place. It's the only word that reaches into the back of my throat to pronounce, and it sounds disruptive in the phrase.
Take care, and keep writing! Scribe
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from Valerie Julia Ann
The artwork complements your Haiku very well. I can never find anything to critique in Haiku - only 17 syllables, However; nice work with the alliteration, consonance and assonance. Valerie
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The artwork complements your Haiku very well. I can never find anything to critique in Haiku - only 17 syllables, However; nice work with the alliteration, consonance and assonance. Valerie
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from Ian Ayris
Excellent haiku, Sixteezkid. Love the first line and the picture that compliments it so well. Just a couple of suggestions. First, I'm no expert, but I think there is this thing in Haikus where no punctuation is used. Also, the last line struck me as a little plain compared to the dynamic wording of the first two. I think it is in the 'waits for' part. I wanted something with more anticipation, something like 'the ground dreams of spring' - something like that, anyway.
Thank you so much for such an interesting read on this early morning.
Warmest regards,
Ian
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Excellent haiku, Sixteezkid. Love the first line and the picture that compliments it so well. Just a couple of suggestions. First, I'm no expert, but I think there is this thing in Haikus where no punctuation is used. Also, the last line struck me as a little plain compared to the dynamic wording of the first two. I think it is in the 'waits for' part. I wanted something with more anticipation, something like 'the ground dreams of spring' - something like that, anyway.
Thank you so much for such an interesting read on this early morning.
Warmest regards,
Ian
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from unidian
As I may have said in the past, I am no great expert or authority on haiku so I rarely review it. However, when I opened this piece, I was immediately struck by the first line. It's simply brilliant! Good luck in the contest. Tom
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As I may have said in the past, I am no great expert or authority on haiku so I rarely review it. However, when I opened this piece, I was immediately struck by the first line. It's simply brilliant! Good luck in the contest. Tom
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Excellent haiku, 60's, very imaginative and effective. This poem seems to have caught the real 'spirit of haiku' as it has something deep and hidden in it... a whole story that one can ponder upon. It seems to me a lot of the haikus written on here are (although they fit the format) pretty superficial, but yours is not. Real good job! Thanks for sharing.
Whizpurr ^-^
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Excellent haiku, 60's, very imaginative and effective. This poem seems to have caught the real 'spirit of haiku' as it has something deep and hidden in it... a whole story that one can ponder upon. It seems to me a lot of the haikus written on here are (although they fit the format) pretty superficial, but yours is not. Real good job! Thanks for sharing.
Whizpurr ^-^
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from Leah H
This is picture (& format) perfect Haiku - a complete package with the clear illustration of winter, the 5-7-5 syllable count and the third line summing up the first two lines. This is a winner. Good luck. -- Leah
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This is picture (& format) perfect Haiku - a complete package with the clear illustration of winter, the 5-7-5 syllable count and the third line summing up the first two lines. This is a winner. Good luck. -- Leah
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from becky7777
oh the picture and your words show the gray days that seem never to end when it is just cold outside. nothing but gray. at lest snow gives some comfort. great haiku. best wishes in the contest.
Becky
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oh the picture and your words show the gray days that seem never to end when it is just cold outside. nothing but gray. at lest snow gives some comfort. great haiku. best wishes in the contest.
Becky
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Wonderful imagery in this haiku. I think they usually don't want punctuation in there, outside of that you have a very fine presentation
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Wonderful imagery in this haiku. I think they usually don't want punctuation in there, outside of that you have a very fine presentation
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from DeboraDyess
I like it. It's a good haiku, painting a picture of the blandness of winter, especially the beginning, where things are dying off, but the beauty of snow hasn't yet come. Enjoyed, Deb
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I like it. It's a good haiku, painting a picture of the blandness of winter, especially the beginning, where things are dying off, but the beauty of snow hasn't yet come. Enjoyed, Deb
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from peggysis64
winter's bite blanches,
consuming autumn colors.
the ground waits for spring
A well written haiku that paints a vivid picture in the mind of the reader. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Lots of competition this time around. kay
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winter's bite blanches,
consuming autumn colors.
the ground waits for spring
A well written haiku that paints a vivid picture in the mind of the reader. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Lots of competition this time around. kay
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008