Love Texting
A Surprise Sonnet39 total reviews
Comment from Eternal Muse
Emotion filled love sonnet. Often we realize that those we loved were the wrong ones for us. It's heartbreaking but sometimes saying good bye is inevitable.
Great artistic presentation and font, as well as imagery and visuals.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Emotion filled love sonnet. Often we realize that those we loved were the wrong ones for us. It's heartbreaking but sometimes saying good bye is inevitable.
Great artistic presentation and font, as well as imagery and visuals.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you EM! You are always so kind. This happened to be a couple that were texting the wrong people so it was a case of mistaken identity. Lol. Thanks again my fear friend!
Comment from jmdg1954
Debi, you had me going from the first line thinking she was being wronged by her supposed boyfriend. Then you nailed it with the twist at the end.
Well done, my friend. I couldn't tell you a sonnet from a bonnet, but I know what I like!
Cheers
John
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Debi, you had me going from the first line thinking she was being wronged by her supposed boyfriend. Then you nailed it with the twist at the end.
Well done, my friend. I couldn't tell you a sonnet from a bonnet, but I know what I like!
Cheers
John
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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John you are so sweet and funny at the same time. Sonnet from a bonnet. Hahahaha! If you were reading both lines the same, then I am sure that the second line always sounded off. That is because a sonnets every other line will read: da ta da ta da ta da ta da. Now you have the ribbon to tie the bonnet. Lol... I do love humor. It is my favorite thing to do. Thanks again my dear friend for the always Fun review and comments.
Comment from June Sargent
Well, this one had me laughing at the end! It definitely was a sonnet with a surprise. We really need to be careful before hitting that send button these days. Life's become so complicated with these devices!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Well, this one had me laughing at the end! It definitely was a sonnet with a surprise. We really need to be careful before hitting that send button these days. Life's become so complicated with these devices!
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Of thank you June for catching that. To many did not, which makes me wonder about if some read them all or not. Plus there are so many new people that tell you that they love it and then give a 4. So your sweetreviewand comments made my day.: Thanks again my dearfriend!
Comment from royowen
An excellent love poem Debi, written in very romantic language and the first time I've seen one of these types of poem from you. And you've scribed a fine poem dear girl, I think it's the first sonnet, in pentameter and ababcdcdefefgg rhyming, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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An excellent love poem Debi, written in very romantic language and the first time I've seen one of these types of poem from you. And you've scribed a fine poem dear girl, I think it's the first sonnet, in pentameter and ababcdcdefefgg rhyming, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks Roy, I read that a sonnet had to have 14 lines and 10 syllables each line. I have only tried one other one. So I have to ask you. Did you catch the humor in it? Cause I'm thinking I might have to change the title because most haven't caught that these two texting lovers , were talking to the wrong people. Where he says I was gone a day or two, then she says I think made a mistake, talking about having the wrong guy as it says at the end. Is that clear or not? If not I think I will change the title. And of course I thank you for your ALWAYS kind comments my Sweet friend!
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Of course dear Debi, unusual for you, you like r the real thing.
Comment from Heather lyn Tobias
I enjoyed your poem. You have done a good job of sharing the pain of losing someone that you had feelings for. I can relate to it all. It has a good flow to it.
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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I enjoyed your poem. You have done a good job of sharing the pain of losing someone that you had feelings for. I can relate to it all. It has a good flow to it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi Heather, if you didn't care for my text or feel there is more that I could have made it better, please let me know. As any rating of a four and less, must come with a way to improve it. They considerably hurt our ranking, so I am wondering if you didn't get the humor or surprise at the end?
I see that you are relatively new, and maybe don't understand our rating system here. If you like a piece then you are supposed to give a time. Fours do hurt us. I would love to hello you if you have any questions. I did appreciate your lovely words so thank you for that. I look forward to getting to know you better. Also have you ever been on here as any other name?
Thank you again.
Comment from Michael Hemingstreet
I think it would be more interesting to express the weaknesses and strengths of why the relationship failed. Both sides had faults. Texting is so impersonal, it would have been interesting to explore how you chose texting as communication rather than visiting or seeing him in person.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I think it would be more interesting to express the weaknesses and strengths of why the relationship failed. Both sides had faults. Texting is so impersonal, it would have been interesting to explore how you chose texting as communication rather than visiting or seeing him in person.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Out of curiosity you wouldn't happen to be be new here? Did you read the poem and not get the humor that could not have happened if not for how it was written? You couldn't have read it or you would have known that she was writing to the wrong person. You can not rate a poem anyway on the fact that you don't like the subject matter! Those ratings you give are part of our rankings! I am not trying to be rude, but it happens so often. Welcome Michael. If I can answer any questions for you or help in any way to better help you learn the reviewing protocol, I would be very happy to help.
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New. I saw the humor. But a lot of times I I'm looking for character arc. Start with a devadting flaw and fixing it. You must forgive me. I am an engineer and I stumbled into reviews unprepared
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I apologize if I seemed rude. You are one of the more gracious new people. So often we get arrogance and I appreciate your kindness.
Since this was a sonnet, a melodramatic texting scenario.was the only way to pull off the humor at the end. If they'd talked then it couldn't have been mistaken identity.
Once again I welcome you and I hope we can be friends.
If it helps people don't rate 4s unless there is a specific structural problem or just a bad post. 5 is normal for a decent writing and 6 for great. But yes it's best to not rate on personal views of subject matter. Some fall into that trap and lose respect from their peers right off the bat and I don't see you as that kind of a guy. I admire you for responding to my my response. I hope you enjoy it as much as most of us do and I will come over and review you and fan you right away. You will get more reviews by fanning. Also I will ask a few friends to do the same to help you get a better start. Thank you Michael. Feel free to ask meany questions any time.
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I updated your review to 5 stars.
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I thank you so much, Michael
Comment from rjuselius
Aaawwweee, such a sweet sentiment dear debi! A beautifully written piece of poetry. I love your way of expressing yourself.
Thank you for sharing!
Blessings,
Rebekka
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Aaawwweee, such a sweet sentiment dear debi! A beautifully written piece of poetry. I love your way of expressing yourself.
Thank you for sharing!
Blessings,
Rebekka
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Oh thanks so much Rebekah for the awesome review. You are so lovely and I appreciate you more than you could know!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Texting is the modern way of conducting a relationship these days and a lot of real emotion is lost, and some texts can appear cold and heartless and raise unwarranted suspicions. Fine rhymes here but the metre is interrupted in places as sonnets are written in iambic pentameter and they always benefit from good punctuation too which is also spasmodic. Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Texting is the modern way of conducting a relationship these days and a lot of real emotion is lost, and some texts can appear cold and heartless and raise unwarranted suspicions. Fine rhymes here but the metre is interrupted in places as sonnets are written in iambic pentameter and they always benefit from good punctuation too which is also spasmodic. Love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks Dolly. Besides the fact that the subject of it should have no bearing on the review of the poem, I somehow thought I would hear a tone of kindness as thought you would be happy that I was finally trying my second sonnet. I was so exited to show you, even the I knew it wouldn't be right, for my second try, I was pleased that I had tried,. I actually contacted you right
, away to get your feedback I but you are right, texts can appear cold
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I am happy to help you at anytime Debi and I hope my review did not offend you in any way as this was not my intention. If you need help with the metre, I would be happy to help, love Dolly x
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'I would really appreciate that Dolly. I knew it wouldn't be perfect, but was excited to show you that I was ready to try a second one. I do feel that this one was was better than the start of my first one, where I didn't even realize that a sonnet had to be 10 syllables and 14 lines.. Yet with a little humor at the end.
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'I would really appreciate that Dolly. I knew it wouldn't be perfect, but was excited to show you that I was ready to try a second one. I do feel that this one was was better than the start of my first one, where I didn't even realize that a sonnet had to be 10 syllables and 14 lines.. Yet with a little humor at the end.
As with all poetry we want the emphasis (stress) to be on the important word.
I have indicated the stress in CAPITAL letters Debi. These are just suggestions. The more you identify the stress in a word the easier it is to write in metre. It just takes practice. It is a bit like riding a bike, once you get it, you never forget it.
(I stood in the rain and waited for you)
eg:
(I STOOD in RAIN and WAITED JUST for YOU)
(I feel in my heart, that there's someone new)
(I FELT inSIDE my HEART, that SOMEone NEW)
(If you were to leave, I think I would die)
(and IF you WERE to LEAVE, I THINK i?d DIE)
(Now I'm sure I have made a big mistake)
(and NOW I?m SURE I?ve MADE a BIG misTAKE)
(I am saying that you are not my Jim)
(and I am SAYing YOU are NOT my JIM)
(I've been using the wrong number to reach him)
(I USED a DIFF?rent NUMber TO reach HIM)
Good Luck Debi x x x
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I thank you with all my heart Dolly. But if I have to chose between using the stress words in just the right spot and having it tell the story correctly, I might have to keep especially the last line to do so. For instance, after he says that he has been gone only a day or two, is when she realized she was talking to the wrong guy all this time, that she has the wrong number. So I used a different number to reach him, wouldn't help to show that and all the humor would be lost. How does this sound? "I HAVE a CORrect NUMber NOW for HIM"
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Hi Debi,
Correct has the stress on the second syllable not the first. If don?t want to use the correct metre for the sonnet then this is entirely your choice, I wish you luck x x x
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I most certainly want to do it correctly, but some stressed are harder to pick out than others. How's this, "I realize that you are not my Jim"
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That line is in perfect metre Debi x x x
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Use this site to check where the stresses are:
https://www.howmanysyllables.com/syllables/
Comment from kahpot
What a wonderful read, though I did stumble " if you were to leave, I think I would die" - "I hate the fact that you're so insecure" to me this would read better if the insecurity was on your behalf, as if they leave you are willing to die, that's insecurity at its best, very well done****kahpot
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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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What a wonderful read, though I did stumble " if you were to leave, I think I would die" - "I hate the fact that you're so insecure" to me this would read better if the insecurity was on your behalf, as if they leave you are willing to die, that's insecurity at its best, very well done****kahpot
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks my dear friend? This was a sonnet where the second line reads differently from the first one. I've only written a few but in this one it was supposedly two lovers talking by text. She says one line, then the next line is his and it goes that way thru the whole poem. And remember in a sonnet, every other line reads different. But this is supposed to end up comical. When he says I've only been gone a day or two. Then she says I think I've made a mistake and he says are we through and she says, I'm saying that you are not my Jim, that I was using the wrong number to try to reach him.
She was so melodramatic and after he said he was only gone a couple days she realized she was texting the wrong guy. .I don't think anyone is catching that. I think I will change the title or info. Lol, I hope some of that made sense. Thanks for your sweet comments my friend..