Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Sandra;
Well, a lapse of ten years could mean Jacob wasn't around to help, so we can only imagine what was going on. The story continues to intrigue and baffle me -- looking forward to more,

~patty~

 Comment Written 27-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

Yes, that will make Francis twelve years old. We will have to hope they do meet up. But, Veronica has a problem to sort out now, and she must do something soon. Thank you, my friend, for another lovely review and your continued support. Big hugs. Sandra xxx

Comment from Rasmine

Excellent

Good chapter, Sandra. When I saw that awesome poem, I knew this one would be a chapter. I so look forward to reading this story.

Have a great week!
Nome

 Comment Written 27-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

Thank you, Rasmine! what a lovely thing to say. I'm so pleased you are enjoying this book, it's so encouraging. Big hugs my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Great closing hook. Great dialog-based pacing and character development. Good descriptive detail. Good sentence mechanics (though a few could use fine tuning). Some spag. Overall, an excellent chapter. Well done.


NOTES

* 'I--O(o)h, my bleeper's going ... I'm needed in A&E. I'll see you tonight(,) and we can talk then.

*He hung up and left me listening to the dialling tone.

In USA, we call it dial tone


* I couldn't find her(,) and she didn't answer my calls.

* I went over to her room,(no ,) and peeped in, but she wasn't there either.

*
I called her name, but she didn't reply or look my way,(;) in fact, she didn't do anything.

*

Her eyes flew open and(,) for a moment(,) it looked as though she didn't know where she was. '

* 'You sit still for a few minutes(,) and I'll go and make us a nice cup of tea.

*I walked away, but now it was me that(who instead of that) had the guilty conscience.


* When I came back, I put the tray on the table and surreptitiously glanced over at Mildred, and thankfully, she looked a lot chirpier.

Suggest a slight tightening to:

When I came back, I put the tray on the table and surreptitiously glanced over at Mildred, thankful she looked a lot chirpier.

*
'There you go again, thinkin' the worst,(.)' Mildred chortled and tapped me on the knee.



*'Go and sit down,' I told him, kissing him on his cheek, 'while I finish getting the children ready for bed.'
trim speech tag:
'Go and sit down.' I kissed him on his cheek. 'I'll finish getting the children ready for bed.'

*
James looked over at Mildred,(no ,) and winked(,) his laughter lighting up his face.


*He reached over and picked up his briefcase, opened it and took out a folder.

USE JUST ONE AND:
He reached over, picked up his briefcase, opened it and took out a folder.

*
'Now(,) what I'm going to tell you, isn't very nice.

*
'This sounds more alarming with each word you say,' I remarked, my anxiety rising by the second.


TELLING NOT SHOWING. It would be optimal to try to describe the anxiety rising, or maybe use a simile, so it becomes a more direct visceral experience for the reader. Example:

'This sounds more alarming with each word you say,' I remarked, anxiety rising by the second, like campfire flames fanned by the wind.


* He opened the file(,) and the photos and sketches facing us were horrendous.

Or, even better, make it two sentences;

He opened the file. The photos and sketches facing us were horrendous.


*When I enquired as to why,

inquired

*But,(no comma) he would not be swayed

Wondering what happens next!
Lots of Love,
rd

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

Thank you so much,, Rama, for your really lovely review. I've been a bit tired lately, (hence Mildred's tiredness:) but didn't realise I'd made so many errors. All corrected now. I really appreciate you doing that for me. I'm really pleased you enjoyed the story! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Dial - in the UK is used more in reference to the face, or knobs, etc, whilst 'Dialling tone' refers to the sound.
Enquiries - is correct in the UK, but so is Inquiries, but the 'E' one is the one mostly used.

reply by rama devi on 27-Feb-2018

Thanks for your gracious response and also letting me know about UK differences! Good to learn. Big Hugs,
rd xxxooo

Comment from l.raven

Exceptional

HI Sandra, OMG...if these lushes would stop drinking so much...Brandy...Whisky...they could get on with it...OK...so where does that leave Francis???....and this still doesn't say for sure where Jacob is dead...only to make sure he wears his handy gloves...and a mask...hmmmmm....very well written sweet angel...love this story...and a great chapter...and love you soooo muchly my sweetest friend...Linda xxoo

as long as your asking...do you have any more pictures of Joe???...LOL...and get these guys in some kind of AA classes...LOL...xxoo

how is Ian doing???...have been thinking about him...I hope he is out of pain...say hi for me...big hugs all around...

I am in a motel/hotel...I am going back home...my brother is watching my mom...and I told him to call me and I will come if he needs me...and my granddaughter is learning about diabetes ....and my daughter...so I am heading home...have been in Florida four months...my poor house...but all will be ok...

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

I think I'd better have them relax with iced tea! LOL. Can't have them plonked while they are supposed to be researching! Thank you so much for the lovely, fun review, and all those lovely stars, my wonderful friend.

Ian is doing fine, I'm so proud of him. They are making him a prosthetic foot so he'll be able to walk normally. He has some pain, but they are monitoring it and so far it's been good.

I'm so pleased your brother is watching your mother. Your granddaughter is so kind, it does need someone to keep an eye out and know the signs of when a diabetic is high or low on sugar, both can be dangerous if not caught in time. Four months?? Goodness me, it will be so strange for you to be home after all that time. I'm sure everything will be fine, Sending you lots of love and warm hugs to keep the chill out. :)) Sandra xxxx

reply by l.raven on 28-Feb-2018

Hi you, I know someone with both legs prosthetic...I does awesome on them...he drives using them...I can't understand how they feel them...but he walks, works, etc...with them...

I am so happy Ian is doing better...it will take a little time...but he will be fine...give him a bug hug for me...and say hi...

it has been four months sense I was home...if I didn't have so much to do ...it would feel better being home...LOL...but it will all fall in place again soon...just so much work to do...sigh...and I'm NOT getting younger...LOL...

were still keeping an eye on my mom...she had another stroke...the doctor said she is having mini ones...they follow big ones...but she just had a bad one...her shoulder hangs down now...but she is still moving...my bother said he will call if he needs me...like he did with dad...he has a lot of help through family...

Abby, is doing better with the Diabetes...she had a bad reaction to one of the insulins...but they found one she is good with...she has tooo take two kinds...her is type one...different them two...but my daughter watches her like a hawk...and she calls me when she needs to...so they are good for now...

how is Sahara been doing???...

take care you....love you so muchly...bigger hugs back at ya...and it's cold up here....burrrrrrrrr...LOL...smiling soooo big you...love to you all my sweet friend...xxoo

Comment from Treischel

Excellent

You have a Nack for keeping us interested, providing a realistic situations, and then leaving us hanging, curious as to what happens next. You did it again.

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

I do love it when it works that way. The only problem is, my parts go on a lot longer than the other stories on here, but so far, I've not had any complaints. :)) Thank you so much for reading my story, Tom, I really appreciate your support. :) Sandra. xx

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Oh my. I never in my wildest dreams could I dreamed up going to Egypt and working in a Leper colony. WOW oh WOW this changes a lot. I really love this story.

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

LOL! Apparently there were many colonies of lepers around, Egypt was the nearest for Jacob to travel to. It is going to give Veronica a big headache! Thank you so much, Barbara, for another of your lovely reviews. More hugs! Sandra xxx

Comment from aryr

Excellent

Oh my goodness what an exciting chapter Sandra, poor Veronica has to wait until James gets home for the update regarding Jacob. Then she has to deal with concerns about Mildred. It truly is a rough day for her and after all that she learns that Jacob went to a leper colony. This chapter was full of great details, fantastic descriptions, a great flow and was just so entertaining to read. Wow. Well done, thanks.

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

Thank you so very much, Alie!! What a lovely thing to say about this part. I really appreciate it so much. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxxx

reply by aryr on 27-Feb-2018

You are so very welcome.

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

You know. Just because I am lagging behind and have not followed this closely, there is no getting away from your great writing of this one, as the episodes last year in the other book. A very good outcome from a difficult plot.
Bravo.
Good luck with it.
My best wishes.
RG

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

Thank you, RG, for another of your lovely reviews. The stories are complicated, I have no idea how my little brain came up with the stories, lol. It started as a short story in a Fanstory and continued afterwards! I'm glad you enjoy it. Big hugs, my friend.:) Sandra xx

Comment from JDRBAR

Excellent

James looked over at Mildred ( no,) and winked (comma) his laughter lighting up his face.

toooooo short. I wanted more (LOL)

seems Francis wasn't meant to know his father

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

I'm so pleased you liked this part, my friend, thank you! We don't know yet what will happen in the future, I'm waiting for Veronica to let me know!! LOL Big hugs, my friend. :) sandra xxx

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Hi Sandra,

I have your book next in line to read. I'll get started tomorrow. The bookmark is set at the first page and ready to go. Between books I like to put my reading time to reviewing and see if I can push myself ahead for earning funny money and making my reviewer rank a smaller number lol!

- "...hour and a half before we able to sit down..." - we were able to sit down and relax.

You have fabulous characters, and this is well-written. I could only wish to be half as successful as you are.

Joy xx

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018

I know what you mean about the reviewing for funny money! But the consolation is I get to read some lovely work at the same time. I hope you enjoy the first book Joy, let me know what you think when you've read it, if you wouldn't mind. Thank you for this lovely review!! Big hugs, Sandra xxx