This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Wedding"Veronica is sent back again
36 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Don't apologize for length. If anything, it was too short, and far too late. Wish you would write more often. But I'll make do with snippets every week or so. :)
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2017
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Don't apologize for length. If anything, it was too short, and far too late. Wish you would write more often. But I'll make do with snippets every week or so. :)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2017
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Thank you so very, very much, my dear friend!! It did take a long time. This cough it taking its time to pack it's cases and go. But I almost there. So no excuses any more. I'm a good way through the next part. I'm sending you a humongous hug for all those stars! Thank you.
I'm so excited, my book is live on Amazon, in paperback and kindle! My nerves are going from excited and then plummeting to scared stiff that it will get awful reviews. I wasn't worried about my children's books, but this is a completely different ball-game. How did you feel when you had your first book out there in the big wide world? Another big hug, my friend. xxxxx
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I just left a review at Amazon. Love the cover picture! Be sure to go thru your review lists and alert your readers that the book is on Amazon and ask for reviews. :)
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Oh thank you so very much! You are such a wonderful friend. I was pleased with the cover. Aww, Phyllis, I am just so excited, it's taken me a long time to do it, but the pleasure of holding my book in my hands is surreal. Thank you for putting a review on. I'll go and have a look! :)) xxx
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Sandra
= Wow! What a great chapter. Fast read, start to finish. Didn't seem long at all.
= The end hook was awesome as well. Have to watch those runaway brides! LOL
=> Just some FYI, so use or lose, my friend.
I noticed a LOT of =that= and =adverbs= as well.
- Remember, many sentences can stand alone--without -that-
- Also, a simple restructure of the sentence can eliminate some of your adverbs. Of course, a few are fine. (*<*)
= Super job. Thoroughly enjoyed the read.
Cheers, J
*** Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! ***
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Hi, Sandra
= Wow! What a great chapter. Fast read, start to finish. Didn't seem long at all.
= The end hook was awesome as well. Have to watch those runaway brides! LOL
=> Just some FYI, so use or lose, my friend.
I noticed a LOT of =that= and =adverbs= as well.
- Remember, many sentences can stand alone--without -that-
- Also, a simple restructure of the sentence can eliminate some of your adverbs. Of course, a few are fine. (*<*)
= Super job. Thoroughly enjoyed the read.
Cheers, J
*** Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! ***
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Thank you so very much, my dear friend, for all those shiny stars and wonderful review!! I'll check out those -'thats' and the 'adverbs', thank you for pointing them out, Jackie, I do appreciate your input, always have. Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
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You're very welcome. (*<*)
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh wow the plot thickens and as the wedding unravels, and the pregnancy so0n to come to light, this is quite a story and I cant wait to see where you take us
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Oh wow the plot thickens and as the wedding unravels, and the pregnancy so0n to come to light, this is quite a story and I cant wait to see where you take us
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Gwendolyn has put herself in loads of trouble now, I hope she can handle it! Thank you so much, my friend, for you uplifting review, I'm so pleased you are enjoying it still. Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from Jay Squires
I don't know how to read this, Sandra. I know I've been away with two hospitalizations over the past couple of months, and a slow, slow recovery (not there yet), but the last time I read your novel, I didn't have this much trouble following the transition between the characters so as to stay on top of whomever was speaking. They just seem to switch willy-nilly, and I'm hopelessly confused. I started with the comment below, but discovered it wasn't a single lack of transition, but follows, stylistically, the same format throughout. I'm sorry, because in spite of MY confusion the overall post contains your overall brilliance in sentence structure and word choice.
I suppressed a smile as I watched her expression scream out how much that memory still made her cringe. [Confusion over which character is "speaking" here. It's as though you switched without the necessary transition from the point-of-view character to this one. ((Now that I have the advantage of having read the entire post, and understand the relationship of the characters, I understand what you did with this sentence. I'm of the opinion, though, that you should do a paragraph break for this sentence.))
So I continued on with my reading, but I'm afraid I can't really be of any more help. ((Again, this was written before I finished the post and the meaning flashed into place.))
What is shown below are more specific suggestions.
I felt ashamed that mine had been so different to his.' [I think--at least on this side of the pond--the comparative would be, "...so different FROM his. It's conceivable it's a regional difference, though.]
. 'The days that I met Jacob became the highlight of my life, ['The days AFTER (?) I met Jacob became ..."]
At last, a smile penetrated its way through the melancholy that had been holding Gwendolyn's emotions hostage. [I think you can get away with omitting the "its way through" to keep the meaning taut, but it's just a personal consideration.]
With bright, glistening eyes, she'd revealed more [To me, "bright" is overpowered by its near-synonym "glistening" which seems to carry the description very well by itself. Again, just my personal thoughts.]
What a marvelous conclusion to the chapter! A real cliffhanger. And by the way, I finally got a handle on the characters. I'm wondering if a couple of sentences identifying the characters' activities. I want you to know how entertained I was AFTER those few paragraphs in question. Yes, I missed this novel while I was away.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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I don't know how to read this, Sandra. I know I've been away with two hospitalizations over the past couple of months, and a slow, slow recovery (not there yet), but the last time I read your novel, I didn't have this much trouble following the transition between the characters so as to stay on top of whomever was speaking. They just seem to switch willy-nilly, and I'm hopelessly confused. I started with the comment below, but discovered it wasn't a single lack of transition, but follows, stylistically, the same format throughout. I'm sorry, because in spite of MY confusion the overall post contains your overall brilliance in sentence structure and word choice.
I suppressed a smile as I watched her expression scream out how much that memory still made her cringe. [Confusion over which character is "speaking" here. It's as though you switched without the necessary transition from the point-of-view character to this one. ((Now that I have the advantage of having read the entire post, and understand the relationship of the characters, I understand what you did with this sentence. I'm of the opinion, though, that you should do a paragraph break for this sentence.))
So I continued on with my reading, but I'm afraid I can't really be of any more help. ((Again, this was written before I finished the post and the meaning flashed into place.))
What is shown below are more specific suggestions.
I felt ashamed that mine had been so different to his.' [I think--at least on this side of the pond--the comparative would be, "...so different FROM his. It's conceivable it's a regional difference, though.]
. 'The days that I met Jacob became the highlight of my life, ['The days AFTER (?) I met Jacob became ..."]
At last, a smile penetrated its way through the melancholy that had been holding Gwendolyn's emotions hostage. [I think you can get away with omitting the "its way through" to keep the meaning taut, but it's just a personal consideration.]
With bright, glistening eyes, she'd revealed more [To me, "bright" is overpowered by its near-synonym "glistening" which seems to carry the description very well by itself. Again, just my personal thoughts.]
What a marvelous conclusion to the chapter! A real cliffhanger. And by the way, I finally got a handle on the characters. I'm wondering if a couple of sentences identifying the characters' activities. I want you to know how entertained I was AFTER those few paragraphs in question. Yes, I missed this novel while I was away.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Aw, Jay, I'm sorry. I can just imagine your confusion. Gwendolyn (the ghost) was trying to explain why her son, Francis, is an albino, and to do that she had to reveal who his father is. I should have made this part 2 of the previous part, as it, and the next part, will make the whole chapter. But you made some valid points which I will definitely act upon. Even though there are only the two characters in this part, they do need to be clarified now and again throughout this part. Thank you so much for reading this, and for all your thoughts, and the suggestions you've made. I do value your reviews and appreciate the time this has taken you. :)
It sounds as if you've been put through the wringer, my friend. I'm truly sorry, and hope you'll soon be your vibrant, healthy self again. I've missed your reviews and have really missed your writing. Please take care and come back to us as soon as you feel like your old self again. It's nearly Christmas, and you want to be fit and able for that!! Thank you again, Jay. Big hugs. my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Wow, what a story Sandra. I was glad she was not forced into a marriage she din't want, but the fact she was pregnant would have life changing repercussions and more that likely tragedy.
I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Wow, what a story Sandra. I was glad she was not forced into a marriage she din't want, but the fact she was pregnant would have life changing repercussions and more that likely tragedy.
I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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You're right, Nancy. She has to face her brother now. Hmm. Thank you so much for the lovely 6 stars, my friend and the fabulous review. I'm working on the next part now. Did you have a lovely Thanksgiving? I hope so! Big hugs, dear friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Rasmine
I knew our time together would be limited to the few blissful weeks we had together, but they would hopefully (commas around interruptor -- I think so do your own research) give me enough memories to see me through the years ahead with a man I didn't want or love.'
You're getting close to the end!
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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I knew our time together would be limited to the few blissful weeks we had together, but they would hopefully (commas around interruptor -- I think so do your own research) give me enough memories to see me through the years ahead with a man I didn't want or love.'
You're getting close to the end!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Still loads to sort out, I'm afraid, Rasmine as you will see in the next part. :)) Thank you so much for the lovely review, my friend. So glad you are still enjoying it. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from apky
Another excellent chapter that you left off at such a hook! I can't wait for the next post.
Once inside, I looked at all the people who were now stood(standing. Or else you have to delete the word "were" and change "waiting" to "waited") up and waiting for me to walk down the aisle.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Another excellent chapter that you left off at such a hook! I can't wait for the next post.
Once inside, I looked at all the people who were now stood(standing. Or else you have to delete the word "were" and change "waiting" to "waited") up and waiting for me to walk down the aisle.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Thank you so much, Aki! Your review in lovely. I've been back and changed that sentence. I hadn't noticed that, so a big hug for finding it for me. :) Sandra xxxx
Comment from damommy
What a powerful chapter. It had me on the edge of my seat, wondering what was happening next. At least, she had the good sense not to go through with that ridiculous wedding. It would be hard to do in those days, run, I mean.
Such wonderful details that makes me feel right in the middle of things. Exactly what I look for in a book.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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What a powerful chapter. It had me on the edge of my seat, wondering what was happening next. At least, she had the good sense not to go through with that ridiculous wedding. It would be hard to do in those days, run, I mean.
Such wonderful details that makes me feel right in the middle of things. Exactly what I look for in a book.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Aww, thank you so much, Yvonne! I used to think it was a lovely era, until I began researching it. Hmm, not nice at all! Thank you for all those stars, my friend, I'd worried that it was too long, but so long as I have you still enjoying it, I'm happy. Big hugs, my friend. Sandra. xxx
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It wasn't too long. In fact, I was enjoying it so much it seemed to short. 8-)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
A very good instalment once again. I thoroughly enjoy this story. The pacing is very good and consistently perched on the edge.
Tilting her head, I watched as a wistfulness shadowed her face - this is a little awkward. It gives the impression that Veronica tilted Gwen's head. it should read something like 'As Gwendolyn tilted her head, a shadow of wistfulness fell over her.'
'Momentarily distracted by my revelation, - delete the speech mark from the start here.
I looked at my brother in the hope he'd see the apology in my eyes, and then I turned and ran out of the church.... - need closing speech marks at the end here.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Hi Sandra,
A very good instalment once again. I thoroughly enjoy this story. The pacing is very good and consistently perched on the edge.
Tilting her head, I watched as a wistfulness shadowed her face - this is a little awkward. It gives the impression that Veronica tilted Gwen's head. it should read something like 'As Gwendolyn tilted her head, a shadow of wistfulness fell over her.'
'Momentarily distracted by my revelation, - delete the speech mark from the start here.
I looked at my brother in the hope he'd see the apology in my eyes, and then I turned and ran out of the church.... - need closing speech marks at the end here.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Thank you so very much for your help with the tilted head, LOL, I looked at it with your eyes and had a laugh, and immediately used your brilliant suggestion. I've also made the corrections. I really appreciate your help, G, and your review ... well, that just made my day. Thank you! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Ulla
Oh Sandra, this is just such a wonderful continuation to the story. So Gwendolyn ran away from her wedding. Wow! I can't wait to read how this story unfolds. It really is intriguing.
Just a minor thing. In end of part 22: That was when I saw me most beautiful ice-blue eyes ... = That's when I saw the most beautiful ice-blue eyes ...
I just love it. Big hugs. Ulla xxxxx
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Oh Sandra, this is just such a wonderful continuation to the story. So Gwendolyn ran away from her wedding. Wow! I can't wait to read how this story unfolds. It really is intriguing.
Just a minor thing. In end of part 22: That was when I saw me most beautiful ice-blue eyes ... = That's when I saw the most beautiful ice-blue eyes ...
I just love it. Big hugs. Ulla xxxxx
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2017
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Thank you so very much, my dear friend, for the 6 shiny stars! I've made that correction, thank you for telling me!! I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story, Ulla. When another author enjoys it, it is a special compliment. Biggest hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
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You know, I love it. I've sent you a PM xxx