Comment from apky

Excellent

I felt my fears lessen a little as I digested what he had just said, but I couldn't help worrying about our precious son....

Which is perfectly understandable for a mother. I'm glad the boy ddn't disappear into time travelling altogether after speaking in another's voice.

Well done as always, Sandra.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

Thank you, my friend, for reading my story, and for the nice comments. I really appreciate you coming along. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxxx

Comment from Rasmine

Excellent

Hello, :)

"When I went in after he were done, I noticed he'd put the little stool we have for the towels by the toilet. He's a clever one, all right! He must've used it t' stand on." Good sentence!

Take care!

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

Thanks, Rasmine! :) Sandra xxx

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

I found this chapter way more compelling than the previous one. It held my attention. Good pacing (mostly--except for places needing a trim0 and excellent dialog 9as usual) that enhances characterization.

NOTES:

*optional suggestion:
James scooped the now(-)sleeping Michael up in his arms and gestured to me to follow with Ann.


*Rubbing her eyes, she sleepily grabbed my hand

The rubbing eyes SHOWS sleepiness. No need to TELL it with the adverb. Suggest:

She rubbed her eyes and grabbed my hand.


trust the reader to infer she is sleepy from that sentence. :)


* "Well(,) if he is, he can bloody well get out of him!"

*
Mildred's face drained of colour, and(,) seeing her sway, James rushed to her side and guided her to the armchair.


* He left me again and went over to pat Mildred on her shoulder and told her not to fret, before I apologised for jumping down her throat.

Wordy. Suggest tightening and trimming to:

He left me, went over to pat Mildred's shoulder, and told her not to fret. I apologised for jumping down her throat.


SUPERB IMAGINATIVE SIMILE:
It was as though a jigsaw had been swirling around the room and was suddenly coming together in front of our very eyes.

*good place for simile to show more than tell here:

I felt my fears lessen a little as I digested what he had just said, but I couldn't help worrying about our precious son...


An excellent chapter!

Bravo

Love,
rd

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

Phew, I've just finished going through this part, thank you again, Rama, for being such a dedicated and thorough reviewer! We need more like you and not the ones that pretend to read and don't. Some of my poems have had exactly the same review each time a certain person reviews it. It becomes irritating after a while. I really appreciate the time you spend, my friend, thank you so much. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx

reply by rama devi on 07-Aug-2017

Ah yes, A handful of people do say the same thing each and every time. It's so obvious, that I feel embarrassed for them, since they do not seem to! :)

I consider every moment of life as a 'canvas for kindness'...as far as possible, I try to imbue that notion in all things. Not always easy, but practice, practice, practice makes us at least a little inch more closer to perfect.

Big hugs,
rd

Comment from rosehill (Wendy)

Excellent

Well done Sandra. You have a major plot mover and got rid of all those nasty toilet training issues for Michael in one page. Only one small nit:

"He's inside Michael!" I almost spat out before bursting into tears again.

The word 'almost' indicates that she was silent. I would remove it and simply say,

"He's inside Michael!" I spat out before bursting into tears again.

I can't wait to see the solution. I don't think it would change history much if they advised him to put money in trust for his family to buy Apple stock in the future. - Wendy

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

LOL!! To buy into Apple stock! I wish someone would come from the future and give me some useful info, like the lottery numbers! Thank you, Wendy, for another of your lovely reviews and for the help with that sentence. I've removed 'almost' now, Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from emptypage

Excellent

Oh my gosh, Sandra... I have seen these posts and when I noticed the sci-fi aspect, I scrolled on by. Honestly, I loved sci-fi/time travel for years--some of my favorite writers are Bradbury, Heinlein, Herbert--but the crap kids write today has turned me off to the genre. Way off.

I'm not certain why I read this this morning. I am so glad I did. Now I've got to go back and catch up on everything. I love it! So well-written (rare even on FanStory, where you'd think there'd be more good writers than bad, but no), so gripping.

You have a new fan.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

What a great compliment, thank you so very much! It's wonderful to have you follow this book! Thank you. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

reply by emptypage on 07-Aug-2017

I know I'm already a fan fan, but this... this I adore.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Including James' practical nature and logical approach, he is a valuable addition to the team. This is fascinating, as usual.

came into the room and found me balling my eyes out. [... found me BAWLING my eyes out. I know ... someone already pointed it out to you. I'm so far behind.]

James nodded in agreement. "She's right. [Nodding, in this context, is agreement, especially followed by "She's right." I would just leave it at JAMES NODDED.]

I obviously wasn't on the same wavelength as him, [Consider, "I obviously wasn't on his wavelength." It's a little more active and direct.]

I'm enjoying this immensely, Sandra.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

I've corrected that silly spelling mistake, Jay, you were the only one to pick that up! And thank you for the other suggestions, I've made those changes too. Thank you so very much, my friend, I do love it when you review. My own personal editor!!! I'm just so pleased you are enjoying this book. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

Wow! What a shocker! So Joe has traveled to the future and taken over Michael's body. How awful for Veronica. I wonder what she can teach him that will be useful in the past but not TOO useful. Write more often. You're slowwwww. :)

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

Aww, thank you, dear Phyllis, for those 6 stars! Is your computer alright now? I'm really glad you were able to read this part. :)) I couldn't get this out any quicker, the last part is still active!! LOL. I have a plan in hand for Joe.... Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

balling my eyes out. (bawling)

Another very well written chapter. It would be quite frightening to think your son was actually possessed by someone else. Good work,my friend~DEbbie

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

Thank you so much, Debbie, for another wonderful review and for picking up that spelling mistake! I missed that one! Big hugs. Sandra :) xxx

Comment from rwilliam

Exceptional

I'm amazed at how you're writing this. It's so intense and so well done that it feels real. That is GREAT writing, my friend!

I was not let down looking forward to the suspense from the last chapter. Bravo!

Looking forward to reading on... I'm hooked. :-D

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

Oh, wow! Another lovely 6 stars! Thank you so very much, Rebecca, I'm so pleased you are enjoying my book, that is so encouraging!! Biggest hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Hi Sandra,
Great continuation of the story.
So, I was right after all about him being possessed. Now, who is it and why?

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017

Thank you so much, Mel! I'm really pleased you enjoyed this part. Yes, you were right about Michael, not many were! Big hugs, Sandra xxxx