This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Disappointment for Veronica"Veronica is sent back again
35 total reviews
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
OH, my. Either Dr. James is going to be proud of his wife and offspring's abilities, or need more of that whisky to get him through. Great twist in the plot and once again you have left me wanting more. The only piece that had me wondering and not paying as much attention to the following paragraph:
"Bath time!" I shouted after I'd prepared dinner and we were waiting for James to get home.
Bath before dinner? Perhaps the children ate earlier and she is waiting for James. You do clarify it later, but it is left hanging for a bit. Just a minor distraction in an otherwise well-written addition. - Wendy
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
OH, my. Either Dr. James is going to be proud of his wife and offspring's abilities, or need more of that whisky to get him through. Great twist in the plot and once again you have left me wanting more. The only piece that had me wondering and not paying as much attention to the following paragraph:
"Bath time!" I shouted after I'd prepared dinner and we were waiting for James to get home.
Bath before dinner? Perhaps the children ate earlier and she is waiting for James. You do clarify it later, but it is left hanging for a bit. Just a minor distraction in an otherwise well-written addition. - Wendy
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much, Wendy, for your wonderful review. A little further down it explains that Mildred has her tea with the children when James comes home late. He was unexpectedly early this time. I'll have a look and see it I can bring that bit up a little closer to that scene. I like getting feedback like this, as I can then see what works for a reader and what doesn't. So, thanks for that, my friend. Big hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from apky
I'm keeping up with the story and still find it riveting. Below are a couple of bits to look into.
"Well, that was a waste of time." I grumbled as we left the church and let our eyes adjust to the brilliant sunshine outside. (")Where do we go from here?"
"What's all this, then?" James laughed and picked them both up and, much to their delight.(,) tucked one under each arm.
You left it off at great cliff hanger:
"It were the fire," he said in a voice I didn't recognise, before closing his eyes again and snuggling back into his father's side....
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
I'm keeping up with the story and still find it riveting. Below are a couple of bits to look into.
"Well, that was a waste of time." I grumbled as we left the church and let our eyes adjust to the brilliant sunshine outside. (")Where do we go from here?"
"What's all this, then?" James laughed and picked them both up and, much to their delight.(,) tucked one under each arm.
You left it off at great cliff hanger:
"It were the fire," he said in a voice I didn't recognise, before closing his eyes again and snuggling back into his father's side....
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Aww, thank you so much for catching those. I've made the corrections. It doesn't matter how many times I go over it, some always manage to avoid detection!! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part and the cliffhanger. :) Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from Ben Colder
I was remembering an incident where a butterfly did land on my finger. Good wording for a great story. Nothing wrong I can tell. Must try and keep up. Best to you Sandy.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
I was remembering an incident where a butterfly did land on my finger. Good wording for a great story. Nothing wrong I can tell. Must try and keep up. Best to you Sandy.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Many people believe it is the spirit of a loved one come to let you know they are still with you, Ben. I hold on to that as it's such a comfort. The one that landed on your finger, Ben, hold it in your heart, the ways of the afterlife are more than we realise. I know you can feel Mary with you. :) Thank you so much for the six stars, I'm really glad you enjoyed this part. Big hugs and much love, my dear friend. :) Sandy xxx
Comment from write hand blue
Hi Sandra, this an excellent chapter. You hold the readers attention by the natural way you write. Characterisation is totally believable. I could find no errors and look forward to reading more...
~Mel~
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
Hi Sandra, this an excellent chapter. You hold the readers attention by the natural way you write. Characterisation is totally believable. I could find no errors and look forward to reading more...
~Mel~
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much, Mel, I'm glad you enjoyed this part. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from alexisleech
Oh no! Does that mean Joe is inside Michael? I did wonder when he took the slug of whisky, and the fact two butterflies landed on him after they found Joe's grandparent's grave. Yikes, what a dilemma! If he is inside Michael, how will Veronica get him out? I don't think Veronica is going to be happy about the idea of her son being 'possessed,' however familiar she is with time travel.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
Oh no! Does that mean Joe is inside Michael? I did wonder when he took the slug of whisky, and the fact two butterflies landed on him after they found Joe's grandparent's grave. Yikes, what a dilemma! If he is inside Michael, how will Veronica get him out? I don't think Veronica is going to be happy about the idea of her son being 'possessed,' however familiar she is with time travel.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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I've had so many different responses to this part, all with their own idea of what's going on with Michael. I wonder if any of you are right! LOL! Thank you so much for the lovely 6 stars, my friend, and for giving me a chuckle! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Evidently a ghost has told Michael about the fire that killed his grandparents. Cool. He's only three, so he doesn't think it's unusual. LOL!
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
Evidently a ghost has told Michael about the fire that killed his grandparents. Cool. He's only three, so he doesn't think it's unusual. LOL!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thanks, Phyllis. This story is a little more involved and needs each bit of the puzzle placed ready to make the whole picture. I'm hoping it works! LOL. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from MelB
Hi Sandra, there is a great deal happening in this chapter. I like the imagery of the butterflies and the questioning whether the saying is true about their visit.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
Hi Sandra, there is a great deal happening in this chapter. I like the imagery of the butterflies and the questioning whether the saying is true about their visit.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thank you, Melissa. Yes, there is a lot of 'scene setting' in this and the last part. It will all come together in the next couple of parts leaving Veronica in a right tizz! LOL. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from pbomar1115
To locate Joe's grave is a family venture as well as making sure the kids are tended too. The idea that Veronica, the time traveler, can leave at any time, gives the family comfort because she now has a certain amount of control of arriving back at the moment she left.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
To locate Joe's grave is a family venture as well as making sure the kids are tended too. The idea that Veronica, the time traveler, can leave at any time, gives the family comfort because she now has a certain amount of control of arriving back at the moment she left.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thank you, my friend, for reading and reviewing this part. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying it. :) Sandra xx
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I try, Sandra, while I search for my voice to write., And by the way, I'm learning.
Phillip
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It's funny, but we all seem to go through stages where we lose our 'voice' in writing, but it comes back, and when it does it just doesn't stop! xxx
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Since I made that statement, I've come to the idea of what to do. By the way, I felt this way after taking time off to work on writing tools. It's an on going job for me. Thanks for the encouragement, Sandra.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
this is an excellent piece of writing, no problems noted and the interaction really make the whole piece rock. You have really kept my interest and make us want more with the ending of each chapter
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
this is an excellent piece of writing, no problems noted and the interaction really make the whole piece rock. You have really kept my interest and make us want more with the ending of each chapter
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much, Barb. There were many clues in this and part 8 as to what is going on, but most won't realise this until they read the next couple of parts. Then the problems really start! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from damommy
Well! It seems both children inherited Veronica's gift(?). This should prove very interesting.
Very vivid portrait you painted about the day in the cemetery and when they got home. Took me back to when my boys were little and took turns being first each night.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
Well! It seems both children inherited Veronica's gift(?). This should prove very interesting.
Very vivid portrait you painted about the day in the cemetery and when they got home. Took me back to when my boys were little and took turns being first each night.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Hi, Yvonne. It does seem that way, doesn't it? But has he really?? Hmm. LOL, there were some clues in this part and part 8 as to what is happening, but most won't realise this until they read the next couple of parts. :) Thank you, my friend. Big hug! :) Sandra xx