Reflections of Bulgaria
Impressions from my time in Bulgaria30 total reviews
Comment from oliver818
Great Poem, with very Nice imagery! I haven't been to Bulgaria but I have a nice image of it now, and if I can I'd like to head over there. Well done and thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Great Poem, with very Nice imagery! I haven't been to Bulgaria but I have a nice image of it now, and if I can I'd like to head over there. Well done and thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Why thank you! I hope that the poem did give the country the recognition that it deserves. Hope you get to visit soon.
Cynthia1
Comment from rama devi
Lovely tribute! I enjoyed this--felt like I went there on the wings of your words. Superbly descriptive. Very fine rhymes. However, the mixed meter does not work well read aloud 9to my ear). So many lines are iambic, that the ones which are not sound off-cadence somehow. So, though you have not mentioned this as metered, I am offering critique to make it all iambic (if you like) so you have an example of how that might flow. I invite you to read aloud the lines I'm suggesting changes on (in notes below) and decide if you like the idea of revision.
Favorite stanza:
The music, art-gentility
expressions of a spirit free
You did not let oppression sever
your loving heart- you kept it ever
Critique NOTES
As I rode across the way
Add a syllable before across to make it scan iambic-ally. Example:
As I rode by across the way
*
Red poppies strewn across the hill
since across is used in the first line, why not choose an alternative here. example:
Red poppies strewn along the hill
*
roses abloom-I see them still
roses abloom is not iambic because roses usually accentuates the FIRST syllable RO, not the second, SES. So, here is an idea: use bloom instead of abloom and add a single syllable word in front of roses:
gay roses bloom-I see them still
Love these lines:
The oaken plow- a lasting treasure
though progress loomed in fullest measure
Love the image here. However, the meter sounds forced:
The monasteries standing proud
sending spirals to the clouds.
Maybe try:
The monasteries standing proud
to send up spirals to the clouds.
NICE:
What secrets they have kept through tears
what treasures they've preserved for years
Scansion forced:
you greet each visitor to this land
Maybe try:
you greet each guest within this land
Sweet, with bouncy beat that sounds like what it describes(joyful dancing and laughter):
The camaraderie at dinner hour
the table strewn with food and flower
The lilting laughter hiding fears
the dancing feet that wipe out tears
I enjoyed this. I think it can use fine tuning on meter, but otherwise...bravo!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Lovely tribute! I enjoyed this--felt like I went there on the wings of your words. Superbly descriptive. Very fine rhymes. However, the mixed meter does not work well read aloud 9to my ear). So many lines are iambic, that the ones which are not sound off-cadence somehow. So, though you have not mentioned this as metered, I am offering critique to make it all iambic (if you like) so you have an example of how that might flow. I invite you to read aloud the lines I'm suggesting changes on (in notes below) and decide if you like the idea of revision.
Favorite stanza:
The music, art-gentility
expressions of a spirit free
You did not let oppression sever
your loving heart- you kept it ever
Critique NOTES
As I rode across the way
Add a syllable before across to make it scan iambic-ally. Example:
As I rode by across the way
*
Red poppies strewn across the hill
since across is used in the first line, why not choose an alternative here. example:
Red poppies strewn along the hill
*
roses abloom-I see them still
roses abloom is not iambic because roses usually accentuates the FIRST syllable RO, not the second, SES. So, here is an idea: use bloom instead of abloom and add a single syllable word in front of roses:
gay roses bloom-I see them still
Love these lines:
The oaken plow- a lasting treasure
though progress loomed in fullest measure
Love the image here. However, the meter sounds forced:
The monasteries standing proud
sending spirals to the clouds.
Maybe try:
The monasteries standing proud
to send up spirals to the clouds.
NICE:
What secrets they have kept through tears
what treasures they've preserved for years
Scansion forced:
you greet each visitor to this land
Maybe try:
you greet each guest within this land
Sweet, with bouncy beat that sounds like what it describes(joyful dancing and laughter):
The camaraderie at dinner hour
the table strewn with food and flower
The lilting laughter hiding fears
the dancing feet that wipe out tears
I enjoyed this. I think it can use fine tuning on meter, but otherwise...bravo!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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You are amazing! You are a true "fountain" or "candle" for sure! Thank you, Rama. I know that you are correct in your critique and I will certainly see what I can do. It is so wonderful to know that your work has truly been reviewed...so very helpful!
Cynthia1
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Aw, thanks! What a sweet thing to say. Touched!
Big warm smiles! rd
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My pleasure!
Cynthia1
Comment from RoostyNester
You made Bulgaria sound like a very nice place to visit. Your poem gives a longing of something you really did enjoy and appreciate. Very well done in verse and message to the reader. I liked it.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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You made Bulgaria sound like a very nice place to visit. Your poem gives a longing of something you really did enjoy and appreciate. Very well done in verse and message to the reader. I liked it.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thank you
Thank you! Yes, Bulgaria is a lovely place. I am glad that you liked the poem.
Cynthia1
Comment from clsandau
Nicely written poem about your memories of Bulgaria. I like your descriptions and the rhyming is right on. Sounds like an interesting and pretty place to visit. I can see the old oaken plow amongst the beautiful red poppies - sounds very picturesque. Carol
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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Nicely written poem about your memories of Bulgaria. I like your descriptions and the rhyming is right on. Sounds like an interesting and pretty place to visit. I can see the old oaken plow amongst the beautiful red poppies - sounds very picturesque. Carol
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Carol, for the nice comments. Yes, Bulgaria, is a lovely picturesque country. Lovely people there as well...
Cynthia1
Comment from Irish Rain
This is so pretty, a happy friendship with a beautiful country. It sounds simply charming! How I'd love to see those monasteries!!! I really enjoyed this, all the descriptions, like traveling myself!!! Blessings!!!!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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This is so pretty, a happy friendship with a beautiful country. It sounds simply charming! How I'd love to see those monasteries!!! I really enjoyed this, all the descriptions, like traveling myself!!! Blessings!!!!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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Why, thank you! Yes, the monasteries are truly beautiful. My most lasting memory, though, was of the people.
Cynthia1
Comment from susan18
Nice work, with an easy rhythm. I could feel you moving from one place to another.
Great images of a beautiful city.
Liked the sense of history and timelessness.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Nice work, with an easy rhythm. I could feel you moving from one place to another.
Great images of a beautiful city.
Liked the sense of history and timelessness.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Thank you so much, Susan.I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.
Cynthia1
Comment from heyjude
Cynthia , sounds like a beautiful land with kind and thouget full people. Great job on the rhyming. You've really painted a beautiful picture with your words.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Cynthia , sounds like a beautiful land with kind and thouget full people. Great job on the rhyming. You've really painted a beautiful picture with your words.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Thank you so much! Yes, it is a beautiful land with wonderful people. Thank you for your supportive comments.
Cynthia1
Comment from William Ross
very nicely done on your reflection on Bulgaria. good rhyming and rhythm, has a good meter with a great flow when read. Thanks for the share and have a great day.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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very nicely done on your reflection on Bulgaria. good rhyming and rhythm, has a good meter with a great flow when read. Thanks for the share and have a great day.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Thank you, William. I appreciate the specifics since this is my first tanka. Blessings.
Cynthia1
Comment from Caperton Tissot
A lovely tribute to this country. Nice rhyme and nice rhythm. It has a certain lilt to it and would be lovely sung to music. I like that you recognize not only the country now but what it has endured in the past.
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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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A lovely tribute to this country. Nice rhyme and nice rhythm. It has a certain lilt to it and would be lovely sung to music. I like that you recognize not only the country now but what it has endured in the past.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Why, thank you, Kayle! I am so glad that the poem left a lyrical impression. That is the impression I had from Bulgaria. Blessings!
Cynthia1
Comment from jlsavell
Cynthia 1, you make me want to go there. Absolutely and undeniably. Such an excellent way to pay homage to a beautiful people and land. Yiu must have many stories to tell. Well done.Now you go take on the day.. jimi
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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Cynthia 1, you make me want to go there. Absolutely and undeniably. Such an excellent way to pay homage to a beautiful people and land. Yiu must have many stories to tell. Well done.Now you go take on the day.. jimi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Thank you so very much! Yes, there are many wonderful stories of Bulgaria that I could share. It is a hidden beauty. I am glad that you liked the poem.
Cynthia1