THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Doctrex Sets the Hook"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
36 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
A lot happened in this post. You're keeping the action and the mental games on high. I like that. This is another good job of writing.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
  |
A lot happened in this post. You're keeping the action and the mental games on high. I like that. This is another good job of writing.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
-
Thank you, Barbara. Glad you enjoyed it. Yeah, lot of mental games.
Comment from Eigle Rull
This is so cool! I am truly enjoying this story and this chapter. The hook is set! The dialog always makes the chapters so realistic. I am enjoying the way you are planning this out in your own head. It is really gripping, my friend. Best wishes to you.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
 |
This is so cool! I am truly enjoying this story and this chapter. The hook is set! The dialog always makes the chapters so realistic. I am enjoying the way you are planning this out in your own head. It is really gripping, my friend. Best wishes to you.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
-
Oh, I'm so grateful for your readership, Elgie. I do hope you continue on enjoying it. But be sure and tell me when you think I fall short.
Comment from lancellot
Interesting. I wonder if Glnot really does love him. I keep thinking that he must know more, that heis too smart, too paranoid and has taken precautions. Good solid chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
|
Interesting. I wonder if Glnot really does love him. I keep thinking that he must know more, that heis too smart, too paranoid and has taken precautions. Good solid chapter.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
-
Thanks a lot, Lance. I don't want to comment one way or another of Glnot's love of his brother. I hope everything becomes clear as it progresses to the end.
Comment from foreverbutterfly
This is very well written, and I'm glad you included the character list at the bottom. It helped me understand some bits of it. I will go back to the beginning to read it.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
|
This is very well written, and I'm glad you included the character list at the bottom. It helped me understand some bits of it. I will go back to the beginning to read it.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
-
Thank you foreverbutterfly. I'm so happy you stopped by and hope you continue to enjoy it.
Comment from krprice
Excellent chapter.
Doctrex is really baiting Glnot. I looked forward to see how this will all work out. And what happens to Doctrex and Axtilla in the end.
Karlene
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
|
Excellent chapter.
Doctrex is really baiting Glnot. I looked forward to see how this will all work out. And what happens to Doctrex and Axtilla in the end.
Karlene
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
-
Yes Doctrex is good at what he does. You might say he's a master baiter. Thanks, Karlene for reading this. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
An interesting chapter in your book, which is flawless and engaging. I love the suspense you have built up to the application of the Mojo, which has severe consequences if it is misused. We must await the next chapter to find out what happens when the mantra is delivered. Will Rhuether disobey and die a horrid death, or will he go through with the unwelcome union?
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
|
An interesting chapter in your book, which is flawless and engaging. I love the suspense you have built up to the application of the Mojo, which has severe consequences if it is misused. We must await the next chapter to find out what happens when the mantra is delivered. Will Rhuether disobey and die a horrid death, or will he go through with the unwelcome union?
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2016
-
I guess we'll all have to wait and see what happens to Rhuether. I only have a vague idea. In the meantime, thanks so much for the sixer!
-
I know that feeling! 'Tis the life of the novelist! It is a great story!
Comment from Drew Delaney
Your story flows beautifully, Jay. I also love the unique words and phrases you are coming up with. Enjoyed the read and am getting more into the story, be pause of your writing skills and also because it's turning out to be a wonderful story which I hadn't appreciated until now. So sorry about that.
A few suggestions below:
Bet they were in there (their) room
He closed his eyes and nodded slowly. Remove the comma following eyes
what happened: You see, the barrister, who was trained, by education and
I don't think a colon works here. Just a period would do.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016
|
Your story flows beautifully, Jay. I also love the unique words and phrases you are coming up with. Enjoyed the read and am getting more into the story, be pause of your writing skills and also because it's turning out to be a wonderful story which I hadn't appreciated until now. So sorry about that.
A few suggestions below:
Bet they were in there (their) room
He closed his eyes and nodded slowly. Remove the comma following eyes
what happened: You see, the barrister, who was trained, by education and
I don't think a colon works here. Just a period would do.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016
-
Thanks, Drew. I appreciate your close reading of this chapter. I already took care of the "Their" *blush*, and will look at the comma useage (my weakness).
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Jay. It's good to read your story again in the new year. You always keep the plot interesting and the story can be tracked very well because each chapter seems to stand on its' own.
Excellent imagery and passages like this, Jay:
""Mojo, Glnot. Mojo. Its justice is exact, The barrister was killed because he left his room, like you said. Violation of his assignment caused his death. But make no mistake about it, the young lady and her father defied the Mojo or they wouldn't have died. Makes you wonder what the groom saw through the window. When the fire was put out, theirs was the only room in the estate that burned. Nothing outside it, except a bit of shrubbery, within which the barrister's charred body lay."
Suggestion: "I blinked up at the ceiling and performed a......" ( I think either I glanced or studied the ceiling would be better used here instead of "blinked"
And: ""It happened this way." (delete this...you don't need it)
Good job. Bob
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016
|
Hi, Jay. It's good to read your story again in the new year. You always keep the plot interesting and the story can be tracked very well because each chapter seems to stand on its' own.
Excellent imagery and passages like this, Jay:
""Mojo, Glnot. Mojo. Its justice is exact, The barrister was killed because he left his room, like you said. Violation of his assignment caused his death. But make no mistake about it, the young lady and her father defied the Mojo or they wouldn't have died. Makes you wonder what the groom saw through the window. When the fire was put out, theirs was the only room in the estate that burned. Nothing outside it, except a bit of shrubbery, within which the barrister's charred body lay."
Suggestion: "I blinked up at the ceiling and performed a......" ( I think either I glanced or studied the ceiling would be better used here instead of "blinked"
And: ""It happened this way." (delete this...you don't need it)
Good job. Bob
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016
-
As usual, Bob, Your suggestions are spot on. I've taken care of them. You are a valued asset.
-
Thanks, Jay. Bob
Comment from ProSongwriter
HI Jay ...
The flowing pen of a skilled author can bring magic to the paper! Your writing style is so descriptive, yet the reader isn't pulled from the story by the descriptors you employ. They are inter woven like a fine Persian rug. The reader appreciates the beauty of it, yet has no idea (without substantial consideration) the complexity of the effort to write such a scene. Only a skilled writer can make something that complex so easy and fluent tor read. It's quite an arrangement you are formulating between, Doctrex, Glnot and Axtilla. A good, easy read that moves the story along quite smoothly.
I noticed one thing:
I blinked up at the ceiling and performed
*** I would leave out the word "up" here, as from the floor, where they sat, the only way to see the ceiling is to look "up", thus the word probably isn't needed. That would be obvious to the reader. I analogize that to "standing up". If your sitting, it's obvious if you rise from the chair, you must get "up" in order to stand.
Perhaps that's a bit trivial, just thought I would mention it for your consideration.
Another excellent chapter, my friend! Always a pleasure to read you. Have a great Sunday ...
Alan
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016
|
HI Jay ...
The flowing pen of a skilled author can bring magic to the paper! Your writing style is so descriptive, yet the reader isn't pulled from the story by the descriptors you employ. They are inter woven like a fine Persian rug. The reader appreciates the beauty of it, yet has no idea (without substantial consideration) the complexity of the effort to write such a scene. Only a skilled writer can make something that complex so easy and fluent tor read. It's quite an arrangement you are formulating between, Doctrex, Glnot and Axtilla. A good, easy read that moves the story along quite smoothly.
I noticed one thing:
I blinked up at the ceiling and performed
*** I would leave out the word "up" here, as from the floor, where they sat, the only way to see the ceiling is to look "up", thus the word probably isn't needed. That would be obvious to the reader. I analogize that to "standing up". If your sitting, it's obvious if you rise from the chair, you must get "up" in order to stand.
Perhaps that's a bit trivial, just thought I would mention it for your consideration.
Another excellent chapter, my friend! Always a pleasure to read you. Have a great Sunday ...
Alan
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016
-
Good point about blinking up at the ceiling. Changed it to "studied the ceiling". Thanks for bringing my attention to it.
-
Good change, Jay ... it's paints an even better picture! You're an excellent author!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
Another really good chapter here. I love the interplay between Rhuether and Pondris / Doctrex. The concerns on both parts feel authentic.
Just one minor thing.
he bet they were in there room - their.
he pooh-poohed their speculation - I don't think I've ever actually seen this written in a story before. Excellent!
All the best
G
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016
|
Hi Jay,
Another really good chapter here. I love the interplay between Rhuether and Pondris / Doctrex. The concerns on both parts feel authentic.
Just one minor thing.
he bet they were in there room - their.
he pooh-poohed their speculation - I don't think I've ever actually seen this written in a story before. Excellent!
All the best
G
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016
-
I always giggle like a little girl when I read that and I say, " heh-heh, he said pooh-pooh!" Here I am using it. I took care of their room as any good maid would do. LOL, thanks, G. You are appreciated!