THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Sacred Rites of Conjugality"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
33 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
Engaging conversation and explanations of the Sacred Rites of Conjugality and the Rules of Variations without listing those rules yet. Given that they involved sex, this kept me reading.
As an African America storyteller who has read about voodoo and mojo, I found your mention of them in the "Far Southern Provinces" took me out of your story and made me wonder where your fantasy world was. I did not know if your fantasy world was part of our world or separate. You show a great level of creativity with this series. I suggest that you invent new terms for Mojo and voodoo. If George Lucas had used the term Mojo instead of The Force, there would be no Star Wars: Episode Seven in theaters right now.
Keep up your creative writing. Push your creativity further.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Engaging conversation and explanations of the Sacred Rites of Conjugality and the Rules of Variations without listing those rules yet. Given that they involved sex, this kept me reading.
As an African America storyteller who has read about voodoo and mojo, I found your mention of them in the "Far Southern Provinces" took me out of your story and made me wonder where your fantasy world was. I did not know if your fantasy world was part of our world or separate. You show a great level of creativity with this series. I suggest that you invent new terms for Mojo and voodoo. If George Lucas had used the term Mojo instead of The Force, there would be no Star Wars: Episode Seven in theaters right now.
Keep up your creative writing. Push your creativity further.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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I think you are right about Mojo, Andre. Don't forget Doctrex/Pondria was Viktor, a psychologist in his previous carnation. He mentioned using "Mojo" because he wanted something he would remember without stumbling. Still and all, you are right about that. I'll make notes for the next edit. You are an amazing reviewer, friend.
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I think you are right about Mojo, Andre. Don't forget Doctrex/Pondria was Viktor, a psychologist in his previous carnation. He mentioned using "Mojo" because he wanted something he would remember without stumbling. Still and all, you are right about that. I'll make notes for the next edit. You are an amazing reviewer, friend.
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was incredible. I love the way he wove his story around mojo. There were two spots that need your attention. One was a beginning quote mark. Hand in dismissal. "I wouldn't ...
The next one just doesn't read right, "Glnot, in your heart ..." I don't know why but I stumbled over this. Otherwise a very intriguing chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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This was incredible. I love the way he wove his story around mojo. There were two spots that need your attention. One was a beginning quote mark. Hand in dismissal. "I wouldn't ...
The next one just doesn't read right, "Glnot, in your heart ..." I don't know why but I stumbled over this. Otherwise a very intriguing chapter.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Many thanks, Gretchen. I think I fixed that open quote. I'll take a look at the one that slowed you down. I appreciate you so much!
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Many thanks, Gretchen. I think I fixed that open quote. I'll take a look at the one that slowed you down. I appreciate you so much!
Comment from Reedblitzerman
Hi Jay. The fated day of the wedding approaches. Solid writing. I'm trying to read the emotion in their exchange.
I'm reading Pondria's (Doctrex) conversation with Glnot. Is he at all afraid of him? I realize Glnot considers him a brother, but Glnot sounds like quite the killer. Is it that Pondria realizes he's smarter than Glnot, or maybe just that he doesn't respect him so it makes him bold? Or maybe Doctrex is more powerful than he let's on? Doctrex wants Axtilla for himself, so is he angry right now? If I were him I would be. Knowing how he was, I would want to kill him on the spot. How is it he hides his anger so well (assuming that it's there)?
I came in at the middle of your novel so I apologize if you already covered these things someplace else. Good stuff. I will be looking for the next chapter!
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Hi Jay. The fated day of the wedding approaches. Solid writing. I'm trying to read the emotion in their exchange.
I'm reading Pondria's (Doctrex) conversation with Glnot. Is he at all afraid of him? I realize Glnot considers him a brother, but Glnot sounds like quite the killer. Is it that Pondria realizes he's smarter than Glnot, or maybe just that he doesn't respect him so it makes him bold? Or maybe Doctrex is more powerful than he let's on? Doctrex wants Axtilla for himself, so is he angry right now? If I were him I would be. Knowing how he was, I would want to kill him on the spot. How is it he hides his anger so well (assuming that it's there)?
I came in at the middle of your novel so I apologize if you already covered these things someplace else. Good stuff. I will be looking for the next chapter!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Oh, I truly wish I could answer your questions whose tendrils trail back to book one and book two. Suffice it to say Glnot and Pondria are brothers, were conjoined twins ... and yep, I can't go any further without pulling out my own hair. Glad you're hanging in here in spite of not knowing.
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Oh, I truly wish I could answer your questions whose tendrils trail back to book one and book two. Suffice it to say Glnot and Pondria are brothers, were conjoined twins ... and yep, I can't go any further without pulling out my own hair. Glad you're hanging in here in spite of not knowing.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm wanting to hear his second experience. You have my attention.
I took another orongos from the bowl and peeled it as I continued. "With the wars and plagues there (comma after continued)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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I'm wanting to hear his second experience. You have my attention.
I took another orongos from the bowl and peeled it as I continued. "With the wars and plagues there (comma after continued)
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Thank you for reading this, Barbara, and for your keen eye.
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Thank you for reading this, Barbara, and for your keen eye.
Comment from krprice
Rhuether huffed. . . gaze darted. . .
I suggested the change because I laughed at the thought of his eyes physically jumping from his eyes and darting around.
Excellent chapter. But what is Doctrex up to?
Karlene
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Rhuether huffed. . . gaze darted. . .
I suggested the change because I laughed at the thought of his eyes physically jumping from his eyes and darting around.
Excellent chapter. But what is Doctrex up to?
Karlene
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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That was a serious part. You're not allowed to laugh at the serious parts. Thanks, Karlene. I'll take a look at it.
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That was a serious part. You're not allowed to laugh at the serious parts. Thanks, Karlene. I'll take a look at it.
Comment from JTStone
As always Jay, A great tale.
I love your dialog manipulation capabilities in storytelling.
One place your dialog confused me though-
I put my elbow on the table and my chin on my closed fist and stared at him.
"Well?"
I had to read it twice to realize it was Glnot who said "Well?"
Typically I expect the last character mention to be the one speaking the next line. Doctrex's line followed the "Well?"
Small detail that I easily recovered from.
Most enjoyable story.
JT
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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As always Jay, A great tale.
I love your dialog manipulation capabilities in storytelling.
One place your dialog confused me though-
I put my elbow on the table and my chin on my closed fist and stared at him.
"Well?"
I had to read it twice to realize it was Glnot who said "Well?"
Typically I expect the last character mention to be the one speaking the next line. Doctrex's line followed the "Well?"
Small detail that I easily recovered from.
Most enjoyable story.
JT
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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I'll have to check that out, JT. I usually overuse tags. I may have to stick another one there. So glad to have you reading this.
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
Bam! You get right to it. No fluff. No boring scene setting. I don't know about other readers, but I get the back of the hand sweep; no need to tell us it's in dismissal--You've shown it well. Also there is a missing quote starting the sentence after dismissal.
Is this sentence correct? ["Glnot, in your heart to do you believe this is what I was leading to?"]
You show Doctrex manipulating Rhuether very well. We can feel Rhuether gradually getting sucked in, which leads to a perfect cliffhanger. Good work!
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Bam! You get right to it. No fluff. No boring scene setting. I don't know about other readers, but I get the back of the hand sweep; no need to tell us it's in dismissal--You've shown it well. Also there is a missing quote starting the sentence after dismissal.
Is this sentence correct? ["Glnot, in your heart to do you believe this is what I was leading to?"]
You show Doctrex manipulating Rhuether very well. We can feel Rhuether gradually getting sucked in, which leads to a perfect cliffhanger. Good work!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Robert, since you're the second person to mention that one sentence of Glnot's, I'll have to check back with him on what he means. LOL, thanks, Robert. I believe I took care of that missing quote mark. I so appreciate your kind commentary, Robert.
Comment from LIJ Red
Doctrex sounds like some of the better Baptist preachers I've heard.
They can make you hear the squeals and smell the brimstone when they
talk about Hell...is the Almighty Master going to buy this line of...?
Really smooth writing, Jay...
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Doctrex sounds like some of the better Baptist preachers I've heard.
They can make you hear the squeals and smell the brimstone when they
talk about Hell...is the Almighty Master going to buy this line of...?
Really smooth writing, Jay...
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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Yes, and Doctrex is just starting out. He's gotten out of physical shape since his initial capture. All he's got is his mind.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I was overjoyed to see this chapter posted, Jay. You are a tease. We are so close to the showdown and every chapter now I hope to see action. Yet the chapters are so readable. I love the details of the conversation - the movements of the two men and their little idiosyncrasies. Giddy
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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I was overjoyed to see this chapter posted, Jay. You are a tease. We are so close to the showdown and every chapter now I hope to see action. Yet the chapters are so readable. I love the details of the conversation - the movements of the two men and their little idiosyncrasies. Giddy
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2016
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That may be the downfall of me. In the edit I'll need to trim down the conversation scenes. Physical action is needed soon. Giddy, thanks for your always encouraging reviews ... and the six is always appreciated. THAnks!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
This was great writing and had me enthralled throughout the conversation between the two of them. The intricacies were well told and inventive. Loved the descriptiveness of the consequences of breaking the rules of variation. Nice!
Just spotted the one little thing -
I wouldn't give it a moment's - needs opening speech marks here.
Great write.
G
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Hi Jay,
This was great writing and had me enthralled throughout the conversation between the two of them. The intricacies were well told and inventive. Loved the descriptiveness of the consequences of breaking the rules of variation. Nice!
Just spotted the one little thing -
I wouldn't give it a moment's - needs opening speech marks here.
Great write.
G
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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First of all, my sincere apologies for the lateness of this review. I was totally unprepared for the response to this post and got so far behind. In addition, I posted my regular novel which got its regular reviews. I hope after what I wrote about in my 'I Love' post my friends will forgive me the pasting of this first paragraph. Apologies take more space.
G, bless you for the six and, as always your kind support. Took care of the nit! THAnks.