THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "All Spruced Up For an Execution?"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
30 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
In title you use "All All". Should that be "Are All," or perhaps "All Are"?
Story itself is very interesting.
As you stated self-pride can be the major cause of a person's downfall.
Would probably add a warning for language to this, although "damn" is a mild one.
Another excellent reading.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
  |
In title you use "All All". Should that be "Are All," or perhaps "All Are"?
Story itself is very interesting.
As you stated self-pride can be the major cause of a person's downfall.
Would probably add a warning for language to this, although "damn" is a mild one.
Another excellent reading.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
-
THanks a lot, Brett, for the catch in the title. I'm not sure "damn" would be considered for a language warning. "Damn" is the the most severe word used here and it is only used one other time. I specifically chose to have this novel slotted to the Young Adult market.
Comment from chasennov
Doctrex Reflects On His Hubris. A chapter in the book THE TRINING Book Three. All All Spruced Up For an Execution?' Another very well articulated and written chapter, which I enjoyed reading. What is with the double ALL in the title. Very well done, Jay.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
|
Doctrex Reflects On His Hubris. A chapter in the book THE TRINING Book Three. All All Spruced Up For an Execution?' Another very well articulated and written chapter, which I enjoyed reading. What is with the double ALL in the title. Very well done, Jay.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
-
I corrected the double "All", Chas. Have no idea why it's there. Thanks for pointed it out.
-
You are always welcome, Jay.
Comment from Curly Girly
The clothes fit well, and so do the shoes. No alterations are needed. It's just the jacket that still needs to be made and fitted. I'm not sure what special occasion the clothes will be used for, but the title of this chapter makes it sound like an ominous one.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
|
The clothes fit well, and so do the shoes. No alterations are needed. It's just the jacket that still needs to be made and fitted. I'm not sure what special occasion the clothes will be used for, but the title of this chapter makes it sound like an ominous one.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
-
Of course Doctrex has to consider the possibility of his execution. Rhuether is a bubble off plumb and might choose to do it at any time. That's what confused him so much about the new clothes.
Comment from royowen
I really like this book above the others that I've read of yours Jay, not hoping to cause offence. This great, obviously working it way up to a conclusion, but meanwhile there is this hump to overcome, it is very interesting and I wonder what Glnot Reuther has got planned, he's probably up to no good, well done, Jay, great scribing, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
|
I really like this book above the others that I've read of yours Jay, not hoping to cause offence. This great, obviously working it way up to a conclusion, but meanwhile there is this hump to overcome, it is very interesting and I wonder what Glnot Reuther has got planned, he's probably up to no good, well done, Jay, great scribing, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
-
I'm so HAPPY this book resonates more with you. It is working toward a conclusion, but new readers are having trouble following it this late in the trilogy.
-
Keep it up Jay
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay
_ Now that Doctrex has his new clothes after the and Glnot had their little chat, I'm wondering what kind of action Glnot has in store for my Doxtrex.
_ I hope the tailor isn't next on Glnot's hit list.
_ Good chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
|
Hi, Jay
_ Now that Doctrex has his new clothes after the and Glnot had their little chat, I'm wondering what kind of action Glnot has in store for my Doxtrex.
_ I hope the tailor isn't next on Glnot's hit list.
_ Good chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
-
THanks, Jax. Did the flashbacks/backstory turn you off? I think I'm gonna have a lot of new people to the trilogy confused.
-
- That can always bring up issues--but as long as they are explained, it helps to understand what's going on--as well as refresh the readers mind.
- Heck, with all the reviewing we do, it is easy to get confused.
_ Of course, personally, I've never had a confused thought in my head. LOL...LOL...LOL.
_ Yep, you've heard about the ocean front property in AZ, too, haven't you. (*>*)
Comment from lancellot
Good chapter. I see the good general is remembering the most important thing for a prisoner is to stay alive and gather information.
note:
My thoughts went to Zurn, and [that] brought a smile to my face.
- It is not necessary, but I think sounds more natural.
who had been overpowered and backed into a canyon (in) by the enemy during a blizzard.
- delete
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
 |
Good chapter. I see the good general is remembering the most important thing for a prisoner is to stay alive and gather information.
note:
My thoughts went to Zurn, and [that] brought a smile to my face.
- It is not necessary, but I think sounds more natural.
who had been overpowered and backed into a canyon (in) by the enemy during a blizzard.
- delete
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
-
Thank you for pointing out the "that". The story behind that is (that) one critter pointed out (that) I use an awful lot of "thats" and (that) I should see how many I can remove. Well, I put "that" in my find/remove function on Word and ended up removing about 10 percent of them. I've gone as high as 30 percent. The problem is there are some (that) are borderline. Sometimes I make the wrong choice. You might very well have picked up on one of them.
I took care of the "in" in the canyon sentence. Thanks.
And a very special thanks for the 6 stars!
Comment from LIJ Red
The antagonist can't have anything good planned, I wager. Excellent chapter, with some worthwhile backstory. After sixty hours of rain and flash flood warnings, I still wish I could share with California...
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
|
The antagonist can't have anything good planned, I wager. Excellent chapter, with some worthwhile backstory. After sixty hours of rain and flash flood warnings, I still wish I could share with California...
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
-
How we wish we COULD share with you. Glad you found the backstory worthwhile. Several were confused by it.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
You go into a lot of details for the tailor, Jay. It was easy to read and well written, but it makes the chapter very long, (as in when are we getting to some action?) Doctrex does a lot of thinking - also interesting and well written, but again it fills the chapter with very little, and we've had a lot of it. As I said, your writing is so well done that it's easy to read, just that it goes on a bit. Hope I haven't been too rough, Giddy
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
|
You go into a lot of details for the tailor, Jay. It was easy to read and well written, but it makes the chapter very long, (as in when are we getting to some action?) Doctrex does a lot of thinking - also interesting and well written, but again it fills the chapter with very little, and we've had a lot of it. As I said, your writing is so well done that it's easy to read, just that it goes on a bit. Hope I haven't been too rough, Giddy
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
-
Giddy, dang git, you can never be too rough. I appreciate your comments. If you don't mind, I'm going to include my comment I made to Robyn's crit rather than rewriting it. It explains my rationale: "This was the time, if this was read as a novel, and not serialized as it is here, when the backstory was essential to remind the readers who had already read the 400,000 plus words of the trilogy, what was at stake. Unfortunately, it doesn't slot well into the serialized format we have here. Several others were confused, and if pressed would have said, as you, that the plot wasn't moved forward by its inclusion. As far as the "tailor scene" part of it, I felt that was needed to reflect the fear Rhuether's subjects felt in the face of his power. I hope that clarifies my intent."
Does that help? Not that it changes your mind, but at least you can see neither, in my eyes, were gratuitous.
-
We readers probably forget that you are writing a trilogy here and as you say, read as three books, it would be a different story, Giddy :)
Comment from c_lucas
You have too many things going at once. I am having trouble keeping up with them. I would guess part of that would be my aging. I will do my best.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
|
You have too many things going at once. I am having trouble keeping up with them. I would guess part of that would be my aging. I will do my best.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
-
I understand, Charlie. We all grow old. Just kidding. I was trying to a few mini-flashbacks to try and bring the focus back to the present. I think your comment will be representative. We'll see. Thanks for the courage to say it.
-
You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from Sasha
I am enjoying this immensely. Brilliantly written with such awesome detail. Excellent dialogue and I began to feel sorry for the tailor, he seemed to fear answering any of Doxtrex's questions. After what happened to the last guy, I would avoid asking any questions of anyone. Really great work with this. I am terrible with spags so, as always, I will leave that to those that know what they are doing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
|
I am enjoying this immensely. Brilliantly written with such awesome detail. Excellent dialogue and I began to feel sorry for the tailor, he seemed to fear answering any of Doxtrex's questions. After what happened to the last guy, I would avoid asking any questions of anyone. Really great work with this. I am terrible with spags so, as always, I will leave that to those that know what they are doing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
-
Many thanks, Sasha. Glad you enjoyed it. Yeah, that's gotta be going through Doctrex's mind.