All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "She Turns the Page"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
124 total reviews
Comment from GracieAnn
This poem is a cut way above some that I have read. A rich tapestry of words knit such an intriguing path that holds the reader's interest. Rich, mature, strong, dense words woven in such a pleasurable and truth-filled way. Time has no interest in us.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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This poem is a cut way above some that I have read. A rich tapestry of words knit such an intriguing path that holds the reader's interest. Rich, mature, strong, dense words woven in such a pleasurable and truth-filled way. Time has no interest in us.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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thanks so much GracieAnn - I always believe a sonnet should be deeper and more reflective than most other forms, and though I find them challenging to write, this one felt good. Bless you for reading, reviewing, and giving some detailed, thoughtful feedback. That is the type I really appreciate.
Best wishes
Sharyn
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This has a marvellous couplet ending to it, Sharyn. It is a beautiful Sonnet about life and the inevitable ageing process. Good luck in the competition. Giddy
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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This has a marvellous couplet ending to it, Sharyn. It is a beautiful Sonnet about life and the inevitable ageing process. Good luck in the competition. Giddy
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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THX Giddy! :)S
Comment from Michael Wayne
This piece is filled with lively imagery. I really enjoyed the closure provided by the final stanza, showing the absolute indifference of time to our human condition.
I think I would have enjoyed seeing her take on the middle of life here, closing the gap between the child's introduction to time and the parent's realization that theirs is at an end.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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This piece is filled with lively imagery. I really enjoyed the closure provided by the final stanza, showing the absolute indifference of time to our human condition.
I think I would have enjoyed seeing her take on the middle of life here, closing the gap between the child's introduction to time and the parent's realization that theirs is at an end.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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I thought about that Michael and attempted to do some of that in the 2nd verse, but couldn't really get it all in or the couplet would have come as an illogical conclusion ... we'll see what happens next time! :)S
Comment from Anthony Crosbie
Hi Sharyn. This sums things up perfectly! I'm 40 this year and my dad is nearly 70. For years I thought there was no one fitter but lately, inevitably, the signs of growing that wee bit older appear. On the other side of the coin - my 4 year old is full of life and opportunities. But we are all but here for a moment so guess we better make the most of it. Archie
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Hi Sharyn. This sums things up perfectly! I'm 40 this year and my dad is nearly 70. For years I thought there was no one fitter but lately, inevitably, the signs of growing that wee bit older appear. On the other side of the coin - my 4 year old is full of life and opportunities. But we are all but here for a moment so guess we better make the most of it. Archie
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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You've got it Archie - Time, unfortunately, is becoming a speed-reader dear! :)S
Comment from Curt Mongold
How invincible and timelles we feel when we are young and impetuous, and just how wrong we are come to fruition in your lovely rhymes and words my friend. Youth is wasted on the young, and that, I believe is the honest truth!
Well done,
Curt
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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How invincible and timelles we feel when we are young and impetuous, and just how wrong we are come to fruition in your lovely rhymes and words my friend. Youth is wasted on the young, and that, I believe is the honest truth!
Well done,
Curt
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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yep - Noel had it right Curt! Dammit! :)))S
Comment from Selina Stambi
C'est la vie indeed!
Beautiful, Sharyn. I love the image of time laughing and turning the page.
A perfectly constructed Shakespearean/Elizabethan sonnet. Love the iambic pentametre and the rhyme scheme.
Good luck in the contest. A worthy candidate to win!
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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C'est la vie indeed!
Beautiful, Sharyn. I love the image of time laughing and turning the page.
A perfectly constructed Shakespearean/Elizabethan sonnet. Love the iambic pentametre and the rhyme scheme.
Good luck in the contest. A worthy candidate to win!
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Thx so much my dear - sonnets are always an intense write, yes? :)S
Comment from Janet Foor
C'est la vie ... indeed. The lovely picture compliments your lovely sonnet.
I enjoyed reading each line. Having just buried my mother last month, this is a particularly poignant piece. Everyday, I still go to the phone to call her.
Time is short and then we turn the page.
Very nicely done.
Blessings.
Janet
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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C'est la vie ... indeed. The lovely picture compliments your lovely sonnet.
I enjoyed reading each line. Having just buried my mother last month, this is a particularly poignant piece. Everyday, I still go to the phone to call her.
Time is short and then we turn the page.
Very nicely done.
Blessings.
Janet
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Thank you Janet - yes, my mother 82, and my husband's mom is 95 and talking, this week, about dying. I guess it's on my mind, because we see the cycles of life and death up close & personal when you're next in line. Bless you for your wonderful six on this one - I know it just have had some personal meaning for you and I really appreciate that.
:)Sharyn
Comment from Gloria ....
Very well constructed sonnet Sharyn! Solid iambs and rhymes good use of enjambment, imagery. Oh dear I could wax on eloquently at the sheer beauty of your sonnet, but then there's that time thing.
I especially like the first line and just wanted to keep reading it over and over to avoid the inevitable turning of the page that Ms. Time keeps insisting upon doing.
Best wishes to you in the contest. This is a winner.
Gloria
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Very well constructed sonnet Sharyn! Solid iambs and rhymes good use of enjambment, imagery. Oh dear I could wax on eloquently at the sheer beauty of your sonnet, but then there's that time thing.
I especially like the first line and just wanted to keep reading it over and over to avoid the inevitable turning of the page that Ms. Time keeps insisting upon doing.
Best wishes to you in the contest. This is a winner.
Gloria
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Bless you Gloria - I'll keep my reply short so you can get busy with what's coming next dear! :)))Sharyn
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LOL thanks woman you are the best.:)
Comment from JM daSilva
Yeah, first when you are a child, your parents take care of you. Then they grow old, and unfortunately, sometimes kids don't return the favor so well. Great poem.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Yeah, first when you are a child, your parents take care of you. Then they grow old, and unfortunately, sometimes kids don't return the favor so well. Great poem.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Indeed JM - that has been my observation too, believe me. Thank you so much for your lovely six on this one! Sonnets are difficult to write and even more difficult to write well, so I'm so glad you "got" this piece. So much appreciated!
:)Sharyn
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Great pleasure to read it. Thanks.
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Hi, Sharyn.
You need a periods after 'pull' and 'old'.
Excellent meter and rhyme in this top sonnet with an original and effective theme for the genre.
Top meter and content and a particularle excellent closing couplet to personify that rotten, laughing 'time'.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Hi, Sharyn.
You need a periods after 'pull' and 'old'.
Excellent meter and rhyme in this top sonnet with an original and effective theme for the genre.
Top meter and content and a particularle excellent closing couplet to personify that rotten, laughing 'time'.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Got it - done - thx Ray - I don't use punctuation much in poetry but this is a much more "formal" piece, so I agree! :)S