Swan Dive
A Reflective Sonnet37 total reviews
Comment from artemis53
Time to get out of there. I had one who became more hypercritical as I achieved constantly beating me down. There was no way that I could see myself as the swan that I'd turned into with him around. Excellent poem of insecurity yet opens the door of knowledge for a new life.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
  |
Time to get out of there. I had one who became more hypercritical as I achieved constantly beating me down. There was no way that I could see myself as the swan that I'd turned into with him around. Excellent poem of insecurity yet opens the door of knowledge for a new life.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
LOL Indeed...lucky its NOT a bio, well not completely. LOL
I thank you for your sage advice and response.
Cheers closet
Comment from cvcopac
Dark and sad, Phillipia. The only people that can create a mess like this are the people close to us; the people we depend on, look to for guidance and reassurance--maybe someone trapped by youth and abused, or in a mean and jealous love relationship.
I like the first and third stanzas and couplet--all are mechanically sound with good imagery and description. The second stanza is confusing to me. The last two lines are good but the first two seem to be independent of everything.
The speaker has become accustomed to criticism but see's what could have been? We're left to guess.
You got quite a bit of time left before the contest--you'll work it out. Salute, Kenny
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
|
Dark and sad, Phillipia. The only people that can create a mess like this are the people close to us; the people we depend on, look to for guidance and reassurance--maybe someone trapped by youth and abused, or in a mean and jealous love relationship.
I like the first and third stanzas and couplet--all are mechanically sound with good imagery and description. The second stanza is confusing to me. The last two lines are good but the first two seem to be independent of everything.
The speaker has become accustomed to criticism but see's what could have been? We're left to guess.
You got quite a bit of time left before the contest--you'll work it out. Salute, Kenny
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
Wow terrific review K, thanks so much. I know it needs a bit more work, not completely happy with that section so your affirmation means I may just work on it a little longer.
Thanks again my friend. Your honest evaluation always appreciated.
Cheers P
xo
-
I was starting to worry about you but I know family life and it's chores keep you busy. K
Comment from gazzagodbod
Yup felt this one my friend and your words speak great truth the picture is fabulous too had to be a big sixer from me thanks xxgazzaxx
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
 |
Yup felt this one my friend and your words speak great truth the picture is fabulous too had to be a big sixer from me thanks xxgazzaxx
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
Yup? Wow...thanks gazza for the terrific review and sixer rating. Glad this struck a chord. Many thanks.
Closet xo
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hey, CPJ = - super sonnet, if somewhat depressing. The language is refreshingly modern - love Ugly Duck Salon!
Technically strong in both metre and rhyme and the final couplet not only sums up the message but leaves the reader with a glimpse of the effect of this 'sabotage'.
One query: lines 5 & 6 don't really seem to go anywhere i.e. I can't really tell which sentence they belong in.
I see the deadline for this is November so you're not only a swan, you're an early bird too!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
|
Hey, CPJ = - super sonnet, if somewhat depressing. The language is refreshingly modern - love Ugly Duck Salon!
Technically strong in both metre and rhyme and the final couplet not only sums up the message but leaves the reader with a glimpse of the effect of this 'sabotage'.
One query: lines 5 & 6 don't really seem to go anywhere i.e. I can't really tell which sentence they belong in.
I see the deadline for this is November so you're not only a swan, you're an early bird too!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
Haha thanks for all that constructive critique steve...you are the second person to mention that section so I will take another look. Many thanks for a fantastic (refreshingly modern haha) review.
Cheers closet
Comment from visionary1234
You have a real deftness within this sonnet form here! Love:
"I feel at times I emulate the swan
Then see the true reflection in your eyes
It takes me back to Ugly Duck Salon
Where no amount of preening feigned disguise"
- love the unlikely rhyming of "swan" with "Salon" with the duck downer thrown in!
Love the "progression" of the piece, where the concluding couplet really does sum up all that's gone before and give its own conclusion. This is a really fine write!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
|
You have a real deftness within this sonnet form here! Love:
"I feel at times I emulate the swan
Then see the true reflection in your eyes
It takes me back to Ugly Duck Salon
Where no amount of preening feigned disguise"
- love the unlikely rhyming of "swan" with "Salon" with the duck downer thrown in!
Love the "progression" of the piece, where the concluding couplet really does sum up all that's gone before and give its own conclusion. This is a really fine write!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
Wow what a lovely review. Thanks for your sterling response.
Always appreciated.
Cheers closet
Comment from despiser
Awww, I don't wike to see da poor widdo wabbity Wabbs wike dat * sniff *
Yup, this one does indeed transition, but nicely sewn together. Glad I'm not the only one who starts with one theme and ends up another. As far as letting someone take unfair advantage, I've learned it's better to kick ass than kiss it. No need to be dramatic - a few well placed barbs and sarcasm works well, then switch on the ignore switch.
Haha
Cute widdo wight
LOL
-DEE
xxx
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
|
Awww, I don't wike to see da poor widdo wabbity Wabbs wike dat * sniff *
Yup, this one does indeed transition, but nicely sewn together. Glad I'm not the only one who starts with one theme and ends up another. As far as letting someone take unfair advantage, I've learned it's better to kick ass than kiss it. No need to be dramatic - a few well placed barbs and sarcasm works well, then switch on the ignore switch.
Haha
Cute widdo wight
LOL
-DEE
xxx
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
Kick it not kiss it huh? Okay den, turn around! Haha *smirkY*
Thanks for the sixer this ISN'T really a bio, you know dat.
I have well placed barbs don't worry and I unleash dem when he least expect it....hahahahahaha
Thanks for your sixer pick me up.
Cheers WW
x
-
I'll bet you do hehe
Oh yeah, i knew it wasn't a bio by the artwork: There would have been a Bunny Wabbit looking at the reflection of a Phillippa in the mirror
LOLOLOLOL
xx
-
*smirk*
Who's a funny boy tonight...um dis morning?
Bunny wabbit indeed :o-B
-
I lose track myself, i don't even know anymore LOL.
Funny maybe, but honest LMAO
Umm, you look different... ahhh yes - it's the ears
* smirky smirk *
X
-
Fuckyou!
Leave da ears alo ======================== ne
-
I know: less == and more Y
Works bof ways wight Bunny Wabby?
LOL
x
Comment from Carrie Carson
Now I understand why it's been infrequent posts from you. :) This is a daunting task at times.
No spag, right on form, GREAT double meanings. I've had a few down rated because some don't understand the subtext...that can throw off one's game.
Great job with this...I should warn you, those I like best usually don't win...haven't figured that out yet. Best to you. :) Carrie
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
|
Now I understand why it's been infrequent posts from you. :) This is a daunting task at times.
No spag, right on form, GREAT double meanings. I've had a few down rated because some don't understand the subtext...that can throw off one's game.
Great job with this...I should warn you, those I like best usually don't win...haven't figured that out yet. Best to you. :) Carrie
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
LOL This isn't a bio honey, but thanks for your concern. I really appreciate the sixer and delightful review full of support. Hope you are keeping well...life is real busy for me at the moment and I am hardly here.
Cheers and thanks again
Closet xo
-
GREAT, glad it is not BIO. I know the male of the species can be such a PIA, at times. They practice and then hold meetings about how to perfect their performance in duties as a pain in the ass.
You are certainly welcome. xo Carrie
Comment from Frankeddy
You very discreetly get held back messages out in your nice sweet rhyming poems. What a great gift you posses.Your confidence shows in all your poems,
and so it should. Very well chosen picture for this poem.
Well done. Frankeddy
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
|
You very discreetly get held back messages out in your nice sweet rhyming poems. What a great gift you posses.Your confidence shows in all your poems,
and so it should. Very well chosen picture for this poem.
Well done. Frankeddy
Comment Written 14-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
Wow thanks Ed, I appreciate the sixer and beaut review.
Always appreciate you dropping by.
Cheers Phillippa xo
PS Big hugs to Marg
Comment from donaldww
After a few rocky sessions looking in the mirror, the poet admits to unravelling at the seams in the closing couplet:
Your criticism poisons all my dreams
And slowly I unravel at the seams ...
Note:
Your constant inacceptance that I've grown [inacceptance is not an actual word, the word is unacceptance. I think you might like nonacceptance which works in the poem]
I like the mirror as a metaphor for a companion or possible lover that is not being terribly complimentary.
Cheers!
DW
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
|
After a few rocky sessions looking in the mirror, the poet admits to unravelling at the seams in the closing couplet:
Your criticism poisons all my dreams
And slowly I unravel at the seams ...
Note:
Your constant inacceptance that I've grown [inacceptance is not an actual word, the word is unacceptance. I think you might like nonacceptance which works in the poem]
I like the mirror as a metaphor for a companion or possible lover that is not being terribly complimentary.
Cheers!
DW
Comment Written 14-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
What a lovely review and thanks for the suggestion there, I used it thanks.
Cheers closet
Comment from Flamingbush
Great job describing how criticism destroys self confidence. I love the word pictures in this: ugly duck salon where "no amount of preening feigned disguise." The idea of one's state of mind being "sabotaged and stalked" can be very real.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
|
Great job describing how criticism destroys self confidence. I love the word pictures in this: ugly duck salon where "no amount of preening feigned disguise." The idea of one's state of mind being "sabotaged and stalked" can be very real.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
-
Thanks so much for a terrific review.
Cheers closet
-
You're so welcome. You deserved it.