Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 47 "Chapter 14; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
57 total reviews
Comment from laurelp
Promises not necessary. I will read on until the end. Very nicely written story. At least(I think) Peggy is out of the picture and where she belongs. Very good chapter.
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Promises not necessary. I will read on until the end. Very nicely written story. At least(I think) Peggy is out of the picture and where she belongs. Very good chapter.
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I think we are finished with Peggy.
Comment from prophetess
this seems to be a very good chapter and part of a good book. It was a bit hard for me to follow because I've missed so much of it. I like what I read here though and the authors noted promise more to come. I may have to read on. Thank you
Prophetess
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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this seems to be a very good chapter and part of a good book. It was a bit hard for me to follow because I've missed so much of it. I like what I read here though and the authors noted promise more to come. I may have to read on. Thank you
Prophetess
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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Youre welcome Barbara.
Comment from Sacred Heart
Barbara, I'm now hooked on these ongoing chapters of yours. You've really worked hard at developing the charactors. I hope Leya and Steven work things out. I'm a sucker for happy endings but it'll be interesting to see where you go with the next chapter. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Keep up the great writing. Take care sweet, Love Light Patty
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Barbara, I'm now hooked on these ongoing chapters of yours. You've really worked hard at developing the charactors. I hope Leya and Steven work things out. I'm a sucker for happy endings but it'll be interesting to see where you go with the next chapter. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Keep up the great writing. Take care sweet, Love Light Patty
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for the stars and the support. I appreciate both.
Comment from rmdelta
barbara,
this was a terrific chapter, my friend. One can feel the emotions between Steven and Leya. Hopefully, things can be satisfactorily worked out shortly. You really have some strong dialogue and it works well. Great work
Reggie
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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barbara,
this was a terrific chapter, my friend. One can feel the emotions between Steven and Leya. Hopefully, things can be satisfactorily worked out shortly. You really have some strong dialogue and it works well. Great work
Reggie
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from Rafaqat Bano
hi
it is good work with solving problems between a couple . we dont know what happened before but can guess soemthing in previous chapters. it is through past about "drawing straws" anyhow characterisation is powerful and important part of the work . use of words is appropriate and make coherenece in lines .excellent work ... keep it up...
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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hi
it is good work with solving problems between a couple . we dont know what happened before but can guess soemthing in previous chapters. it is through past about "drawing straws" anyhow characterisation is powerful and important part of the work . use of words is appropriate and make coherenece in lines .excellent work ... keep it up...
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ladybird
I'm glad Steven and Leya are working things through.Peggy's an an awful women for trying to tear them apart, and i'm glad Leya could see righ through her. A very good read.
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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I'm glad Steven and Leya are working things through.Peggy's an an awful women for trying to tear them apart, and i'm glad Leya could see righ through her. A very good read.
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Ah, they seem to be sorting
their relationship out now,
let's hope it works.
in Leya's room. He grabbed Peggy's arm and dragged her from the room. - Barbara - you keep repeating the word "room" which is not really necessary - might I suggest..
He grabbed Peggy by the arm and dragged her out through the door.
Steven followed them through the door - then here, you could simply say...
Steven followed.
Steven ran his fingers threw his
.........................................through his
As the three men and Peggy walked down the hall, Matt explained to Joe what he wanted done with Peggy - no need for "Peggy" twice
As the three men walked with Peggy down the hall, Matt explained to Joe what he wanted done with her.
Joe exited the hospital with Peggy in tow.
A good chapter.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Ah, they seem to be sorting
their relationship out now,
let's hope it works.
in Leya's room. He grabbed Peggy's arm and dragged her from the room. - Barbara - you keep repeating the word "room" which is not really necessary - might I suggest..
He grabbed Peggy by the arm and dragged her out through the door.
Steven followed them through the door - then here, you could simply say...
Steven followed.
Steven ran his fingers threw his
.........................................through his
As the three men and Peggy walked down the hall, Matt explained to Joe what he wanted done with Peggy - no need for "Peggy" twice
As the three men walked with Peggy down the hall, Matt explained to Joe what he wanted done with her.
Joe exited the hospital with Peggy in tow.
A good chapter.
Margaret.
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for catching those errors. I will get on them immediately.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Barbara, I thought we'd seen the last of the little vixen, but she snapped back for more disruption. This is so true to life. Many will do all in their might to cause trouble. I loved the conflict in this chapter. Just have something I didn't quite understand:-
"Yes, I'll personally make sure she doesn't bother you again." Matt smiled at Steven as he handcuffed Peggy and whispered, "Did I hear Leya say you're working things out?"
(Matt was in the parking lot and Leya had already spoken when Steven called Matt. Perhaps you can just shift the line up to Steven calling Matt before Leya speaks.)
Have a lovely Sunday. Luv jada
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Hi Barbara, I thought we'd seen the last of the little vixen, but she snapped back for more disruption. This is so true to life. Many will do all in their might to cause trouble. I loved the conflict in this chapter. Just have something I didn't quite understand:-
"Yes, I'll personally make sure she doesn't bother you again." Matt smiled at Steven as he handcuffed Peggy and whispered, "Did I hear Leya say you're working things out?"
(Matt was in the parking lot and Leya had already spoken when Steven called Matt. Perhaps you can just shift the line up to Steven calling Matt before Leya speaks.)
Have a lovely Sunday. Luv jada
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your review. I am going to rewrite that area.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
You're right about hospital food. Any place that has a forced clientele is going to suck like this. And Steven and Leya are working on things. Somehow, I think they'll make it.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"Steven ran his fingers threw [through] his short hair."
Matt grinned. "I [I'd] better not have to make anymore [any more - two words] trips to Wyoming."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about drawing straws." Since Steven is still talking, this paragraph might be added to the one before. At the least, you should take out the end quote of the paragraph before.
Dave
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Barbara,
You're right about hospital food. Any place that has a forced clientele is going to suck like this. And Steven and Leya are working on things. Somehow, I think they'll make it.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"Steven ran his fingers threw [through] his short hair."
Matt grinned. "I [I'd] better not have to make anymore [any more - two words] trips to Wyoming."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about drawing straws." Since Steven is still talking, this paragraph might be added to the one before. At the least, you should take out the end quote of the paragraph before.
Dave
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your review and suggestions I will get right on them.
Comment from essence56
I always look forward to reading each chapter of this manuscript, I love it. I hope Leya is there when Steven gets back with her food. I so want these two to give us a happy ending. Waiting
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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I always look forward to reading each chapter of this manuscript, I love it. I hope Leya is there when Steven gets back with her food. I so want these two to give us a happy ending. Waiting
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 16-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review