Selfish
You can't have it all87 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I am sorry for the delay, but the cruise ship lost its internet again. Thanks for sharing another of your award-winning stories. I relished your descriptions of the "two lovebirds" especially Candice's "brains of an oyster"! Cheers- Joan from Copenhagen
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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I am sorry for the delay, but the cruise ship lost its internet again. Thanks for sharing another of your award-winning stories. I relished your descriptions of the "two lovebirds" especially Candice's "brains of an oyster"! Cheers- Joan from Copenhagen
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Thank you, Joanie. Bob
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Whatever the purpose, intent, objective or mission, selfish and devil never wins, here or there, in any course, spirit, form or mode, it fails or loses; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Whatever the purpose, intent, objective or mission, selfish and devil never wins, here or there, in any course, spirit, form or mode, it fails or loses; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Thank you, my friend. : ) Bob
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This a very good write. I do hope the police are at the door. I would like to see Juan arrested.
Ramirez found plenty of strange when he was off on his frequent business trips. (I'm not sure the word 'strange' works here.)
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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This a very good write. I do hope the police are at the door. I would like to see Juan arrested.
Ramirez found plenty of strange when he was off on his frequent business trips. (I'm not sure the word 'strange' works here.)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Thank you, Barbara. The word strange is very familiar to most people...especially men. Ask one. LOL Bob
Comment from Pantygynt
I enjoyed this hugely but I have to return the 'compliment' you paid me the other day. This begins with eight paragraphs of telling. Or if it does not perhaps you can tell me why this narrative isn't telling and mine a couple of weeks ago was.
I am not just playing tit for tat here but trying to understand.
Actually I thought the contrast between the two halves of the story, the slow moving narrative start and the action packed second half worked well, and the cliff hanger ending was superb.
A couple of formatting errors here that could be Evil Eddie's fault and not yours.
'Candy thought cooking was a city in China'. This line looks as though you intended this to be a single line paragraph but Evil Eddie has stymied any attempt to insert a line space. He's been doing that to me just lately too.
He has done the same again before the direct speech that begins "You have think with your head..."
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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I enjoyed this hugely but I have to return the 'compliment' you paid me the other day. This begins with eight paragraphs of telling. Or if it does not perhaps you can tell me why this narrative isn't telling and mine a couple of weeks ago was.
I am not just playing tit for tat here but trying to understand.
Actually I thought the contrast between the two halves of the story, the slow moving narrative start and the action packed second half worked well, and the cliff hanger ending was superb.
A couple of formatting errors here that could be Evil Eddie's fault and not yours.
'Candy thought cooking was a city in China'. This line looks as though you intended this to be a single line paragraph but Evil Eddie has stymied any attempt to insert a line space. He's been doing that to me just lately too.
He has done the same again before the direct speech that begins "You have think with your head..."
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Hi, Jim. Just forget my previous statement. It is too difficult and time consuming to go back and decipher now.
Learning the difference between "telling" and "showing" is not easy. I realized that some time back and my writing changed completely. all I can tell you is "showing" always incorporates one of the five senses in its placement and meaning. Telling is "the air smelled funny" showing is "the air smelled like a combination of acrid coffee and stale cigarette smoke. sorry I can't explain any better than that, my friend. thanks for the tips and review btw. Bob
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I'll keep working on it.
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And you will succeed too. Just remember "showing" has to use one of the five senses when written down. Bob
Comment from Thomas Bowling
he body of an angel, but had the brains of an oyster.
When I was dating, number one on my list for a woman was intelligence. Because if she didn' have any, she was mine.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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he body of an angel, but had the brains of an oyster.
When I was dating, number one on my list for a woman was intelligence. Because if she didn' have any, she was mine.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Besides that what did you like about the show,Mrs. Lincoln?
Comment from the13thpoet
Happy Wednesday to you Bob. As always your writing never disappoints, it is always well-written and engaging. Thank you for reviving that post as I may never have gotten a chance to read it. Great job!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Happy Wednesday to you Bob. As always your writing never disappoints, it is always well-written and engaging. Thank you for reviving that post as I may never have gotten a chance to read it. Great job!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Thanks, Roddy. Glad you liked it. : ) Bob
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
This is truly an awesome write. I absolutely LOVE your use of simile; it brings so much into the story and is quite entertaining. You had my adrenaline pumping as I was reading. I love, too, that inner knowledge you seem to have as to why people think and behave the way they do; probably this is a product of your early life? (I'm still reading your book :)
Dear friend, I have used up all my six stars. Please forgive me. This is truly deserving.
Catherine xo
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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This is truly an awesome write. I absolutely LOVE your use of simile; it brings so much into the story and is quite entertaining. You had my adrenaline pumping as I was reading. I love, too, that inner knowledge you seem to have as to why people think and behave the way they do; probably this is a product of your early life? (I'm still reading your book :)
Dear friend, I have used up all my six stars. Please forgive me. This is truly deserving.
Catherine xo
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Hello, my dear friend. Thank you so much for reading this oldie. Sixes, while appreciated, are not that big a deal with me, my friend. Bless you and thanks again. X : ) Bob
Comment from Mark Valentine
This is some quality writing my friend. Thanks for reposting - beginning with "There is evil in Paradise" and continuing through "she thought cooking was a city in China", and subtler, but equally brilliant lines like the one about his arrogance losing some of its starch - this one is a pleasure to read. Made me think of OJ for some reason.
The ending - the three little words that tell you everything you need to know - is perfect.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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This is some quality writing my friend. Thanks for reposting - beginning with "There is evil in Paradise" and continuing through "she thought cooking was a city in China", and subtler, but equally brilliant lines like the one about his arrogance losing some of its starch - this one is a pleasure to read. Made me think of OJ for some reason.
The ending - the three little words that tell you everything you need to know - is perfect.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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So good to hear from you again, Mark. I don't see many posts of yours of late? The six stars are so generous of you, my friend. (I am laying low and pondering my next Cleve plot while waiting on my publisher to announce a release of the last one "Shadows of Sin"
Any plot ideas from you being a Chicago native and all? Remember I am somewhat restricted because he is no longer a cop. I would appreciate your input and idea for a plot. I have already done serial killer and a kidnaping. I am thinking a missing person? Let mer know will you as I am anxious to get started. : ) Bob
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is neat. Belated congratulations on the contest win :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
but had the brains of an oyster -- Ha, ha. I love it :)
Candy thought cooking was a city in China. -- And again. Ha. ha.
He knew men follow their cocks around and that's how they ruin their lives. -- A picky point, but maybe omit this snippet of telling narrative? The sentiment is repeated in the dialogue that immediately follows.
Ramirez found plenty of strange -- Is this a colloquialism? I don't understand it.
like the clatter of a roller coaster -- Nice metaphor :)
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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This is neat. Belated congratulations on the contest win :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
but had the brains of an oyster -- Ha, ha. I love it :)
Candy thought cooking was a city in China. -- And again. Ha. ha.
He knew men follow their cocks around and that's how they ruin their lives. -- A picky point, but maybe omit this snippet of telling narrative? The sentiment is repeated in the dialogue that immediately follows.
Ramirez found plenty of strange -- Is this a colloquialism? I don't understand it.
like the clatter of a roller coaster -- Nice metaphor :)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the review and comments, alex. Yeah, I agree with you and omitted that line. Thanks. Bob
Comment from Debbie Pope
Wow can you write! Your powers of description are amazing. I was mesmerized with every word. You take the reader into worlds unknown--into worlds of crime, lust, and evil. I guess it is your insight into human nature that enables you to do this. Your stories and characters are always so memorable. I am so grateful that you post on FanStory.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Wow can you write! Your powers of description are amazing. I was mesmerized with every word. You take the reader into worlds unknown--into worlds of crime, lust, and evil. I guess it is your insight into human nature that enables you to do this. Your stories and characters are always so memorable. I am so grateful that you post on FanStory.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Aww. You are a sweetheart for sure. Thank you, Deb. I am so glad you enjoyed this one. The sixth star is so generous. : ) Bless you. Bob