CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "Jackie"A collection of poetry
29 total reviews
Comment from jeslaf
She's got such a beautiful, gracefully aging face. I have three dogs (dachshund, schnauzer and pointer) and I know well the loving bond you share with your two. This is a fine tribute and my heart was touched most by the last couplet. Thanks for sharing her with us. Well done! :)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
She's got such a beautiful, gracefully aging face. I have three dogs (dachshund, schnauzer and pointer) and I know well the loving bond you share with your two. This is a fine tribute and my heart was touched most by the last couplet. Thanks for sharing her with us. Well done! :)
Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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And I thought I was crazy for having 2 dogs. Love 'em to death. But I fear adding one more to the bunch would be a lot of work! (But more love to receive - ha!). Thanks so much for your lovely review. Best to you, Sue
Comment from jaeladarling
I think heel-nipping is bred into every dog, as I have a collie that does the same thing! LOL Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem with us. Cheers!
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
I think heel-nipping is bred into every dog, as I have a collie that does the same thing! LOL Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem with us. Cheers!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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It's usually those that are for "working dogs". And the collie is one of those. That's so funny that she does that to you, also. So cute. Thank you for your very kind review. Best to you, Sue
Comment from Jazh
What a beautiful dog (and poem), Sue. It flows really well and the rhymes are good. "Companionship along with loyalty" says it all really. She looks like a Kelpie. Cheers. :)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
What a beautiful dog (and poem), Sue. It flows really well and the rhymes are good. "Companionship along with loyalty" says it all really. She looks like a Kelpie. Cheers. :)
Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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When you wrote about the dingo's, I loved it. Then today, I saw the prompt for "love with no love word". Jackie came to mind. When I got her, I didn't have a name picked out. One day, she was being so funny, I said to her, "Look at you...just sittin' up there like Jackie". Well, that was it! HA! Such an Aussie saying and I don't even know where it came from. Maybe you can tell me. No, not kelpie at all. All red Aussie cattle dog. Thanks very much for your review. Sue
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Jacky Jacky was the name of an Aboriginal boy/man. I can't remember if he was fact or fiction, but I think the name became a slang term for Aboriginal men. Not 100% sure of this, but I vaguely remember a story years ago....
Jackie is of course a red cattle dog....just something in her face reminded of a kelpie. Their breeding is not that different: both are bred to work herding, and both breeds contain dingo.
It was a lovely poem....glad my dingo was inspirational! lol
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I found the story of *a* Jacky Jacky....could be the one. I'll ask my mother - she was a librarian, ergo knows everything. lol
http://www.abc.net.au/lateline/content/2003/hc16.htm
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I found this:
http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/32/messages/1358.html
When I lived in Oz, I always asked someone what it meant, and nobody knew. Aha! Thank goodness for the internet. It's from the aboriginals regarding kookaburras.
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Yes, that's right. Jacky Jacky became the kookaburra in one of the Dreamtime stories. So it refers to both. And Aboriginal males were called Jacky Jacky as a blanket form of address. Interesting.
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ric vote just started
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Yes, I know. cheers.
Comment from Roisin
How cute! This is a wonderful, happy sonnet - a great tribute to your gorgeous dog. He's just too cute. Your rhymes and rhythm are perfect and it all flows beautifully. I love your touch of humour too. Can you do another one about Bobbie? I'd love to see him. I have a golden cocker spaniel too and he's just adorable. He's unbelievably clever and like your Bobbie, he lives for food! Great job and good luck in the contest.
Warm regards.
Roisin
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
How cute! This is a wonderful, happy sonnet - a great tribute to your gorgeous dog. He's just too cute. Your rhymes and rhythm are perfect and it all flows beautifully. I love your touch of humour too. Can you do another one about Bobbie? I'd love to see him. I have a golden cocker spaniel too and he's just adorable. He's unbelievably clever and like your Bobbie, he lives for food! Great job and good luck in the contest.
Warm regards.
Roisin
Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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I had someone say they felt it was choppy. I don't like a choppy iambic, either. But, I've gone back over it to see where it may be that way. Do you think it could use some tweaking for a smoother effect? Maybe a fresh pair of eyes on it? It's annoying to get a review where they say it's choppy, but do not give an example! Thanks very much for your great review. And if you have a moment to go over it again, that would be cool. Thanks so much, Sue
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Hi Sue,
I've just taken another look at it and I've read it out loud a few times. As far as I'm concerned, it's not choppy at all. Your meter sounds perfect to me. The only thing I can think of that the reviewer in question might have been refering to is:
Then evening comes--our busy day's at end
Now, don't get me wrong, it's perfect to me but since you've asked, maybe with different accents, some people would pronounce 'evening' with three syllables and that might slightly throw the meter off. Maybe you could say something like:
'Then come the night - our busy day's at end'
It's only a suggestion since you've asked but I think it's fine as it is. See what you think.
Hope that's a help.
Warm regards.
Roisin
Comment from Sissy Holly Grace
Any poem about dogs atracts my attention. I have a yorkie who is nearly 13. I love the way you write this and having a dog realise what they are up to. Thank you for a lovely poem
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
Any poem about dogs atracts my attention. I have a yorkie who is nearly 13. I love the way you write this and having a dog realise what they are up to. Thank you for a lovely poem
Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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13! You have taken good care of him/her. So glad you enjoyed this poem. And thank you for your very kind review. Sue
Comment from Alexander E Poet
I like your dog, Great poem good message,love the imagery here and the thoughts behind it. you done a great job and are a talented poet has a clear vision of life . There were no errors. No typo's and nothing to change as far as i can see. I look forward to your next one
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
I like your dog, Great poem good message,love the imagery here and the thoughts behind it. you done a great job and are a talented poet has a clear vision of life . There were no errors. No typo's and nothing to change as far as i can see. I look forward to your next one
Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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BORN n BRQQLYN, very glad you enjoyed my poem. Thank you for reviewing and for your kind comments. Regards, Sue
Comment from joan marie
I tell my cats I am getting a dog. For the reasons you wrote about. Someone to cuddle on the couch with. My cats don't like to be held or sit on your lap. Great read. joan marie
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
I tell my cats I am getting a dog. For the reasons you wrote about. Someone to cuddle on the couch with. My cats don't like to be held or sit on your lap. Great read. joan marie
Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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That'll show 'em! HA! I love cats and dogs. Thanks very much for your review. Sue
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You're welcome. I see you are in a contest and perhaps doing quite well? jm
Comment from sherlock85
Very heartfelt and enjoyable to read. I did find some of the phrasing a little choppy, but I thought that could be easily improved. Overall, great subject matter.
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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
Very heartfelt and enjoyable to read. I did find some of the phrasing a little choppy, but I thought that could be easily improved. Overall, great subject matter.
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Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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It's always very helpful to include an example on a critique. If you could show me a phrase or phrases which stand out as choppy that would help me a lot. Thank you, Sue
Comment from rmdelta
wow, sue.
I gotta tell ya. You don't want to know what was going through my mind as I was reading this. You really don't want to know. lol This was a really good story in a poem, my friend. I really enjoyed it.
Reggie
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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
wow, sue.
I gotta tell ya. You don't want to know what was going through my mind as I was reading this. You really don't want to know. lol This was a really good story in a poem, my friend. I really enjoyed it.
Reggie
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Comment Written 31-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2009
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Oh yes I DO want to know!!! LOL!!! Tell me, tell me!!! Ha! You're grinning right now, aren't cha? :-)) Sue