CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 84 "With This Ring..."A collection of poetry
53 total reviews
Comment from ledford
Good job:-)
The only thing I wondered about was why this is in quotes. Doesn't seem like it needs them.
"My precious daughter, now a bride
A wonder to my eyes.
Just yesterday, my little girl
And now, another's prize."
Good luck in the contest:-)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2009
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Good job:-)
The only thing I wondered about was why this is in quotes. Doesn't seem like it needs them.
"My precious daughter, now a bride
A wonder to my eyes.
Just yesterday, my little girl
And now, another's prize."
Good luck in the contest:-)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2009
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The poem is written as a small story in the 3rd person. And for a 1st person view into - perhaps the bride's dressing room - Mom (or Dad) is making this comment to the bride. Then back to 3rd person again in next stanza. Thanks for your excellent review. With regards, Sue
Comment from Gramma Kathy
This is lovely! Your rhythm and rhyme dance together to make reading this poem a treat.
You have used the seven words creatively, and the artwork is a perfect complement.
I do wonder if you intended the quotation marks here:
"My precious daughter, now a bride
A wonder to my eyes.
Just yesterday, my little girl
And now, another's prize."
They don't seem necessary. Your poem is well written, and I wish you well in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2009
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This is lovely! Your rhythm and rhyme dance together to make reading this poem a treat.
You have used the seven words creatively, and the artwork is a perfect complement.
I do wonder if you intended the quotation marks here:
"My precious daughter, now a bride
A wonder to my eyes.
Just yesterday, my little girl
And now, another's prize."
They don't seem necessary. Your poem is well written, and I wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2009
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I wanted it to be a small story in the 3rd person and then a sudden switch to the 1st person in that one stanza - to hear Mom (or Dad) say something to the bride before the wedding. Then back to 3rd person again. Thank you so much for your great review! Much appreciated, Sue
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Okay, that makes sense!
GK
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Thanks for asking, though. One needs to have those very closely read reviews by someone such as yourself! :-))
Comment from StevenJosephBruening
You met the challege brilliantly and produced a niced very readable poem out if, to boot. I found no errors of grmmaer or spelling and can proffer no suggestiions on improvement. Well done.
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You met the challege brilliantly and produced a niced very readable poem out if, to boot. I found no errors of grmmaer or spelling and can proffer no suggestiions on improvement. Well done.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
Comment from chaswriter
Sue - Don't you ever sleep? My younger daughter got married almost two years and you describe it well. Were you there? I could feel the emotion I had on that day in your poem. Well done. Charlie
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2009
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Sue - Don't you ever sleep? My younger daughter got married almost two years and you describe it well. Were you there? I could feel the emotion I had on that day in your poem. Well done. Charlie
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2009
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Hi Charlie! I do sleep, but with very odd hours. Ha! Thanks for sharing that about your daughter. And that you could feel the same emotions of that day. Very cool. Thanks very much for your review. Now I'm going to sleep....zzzzzzzzzz
Comment from JoAnna Lee
Describes a wedding, but other than that,not much substance to it. The rhyme and rhythm were good and you managed to use the words (which I think is hard) without sounding forced... so I give you the five. Good Luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
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Describes a wedding, but other than that,not much substance to it. The rhyme and rhythm were good and you managed to use the words (which I think is hard) without sounding forced... so I give you the five. Good Luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
Comment from mslyla216
You did a grand job incorporating yourseven of the eight required words in this poem. You also told a lovely story while doing it. It's a pleasure to read an uplifting, joyful poem. mslyla
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2009
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You did a grand job incorporating yourseven of the eight required words in this poem. You also told a lovely story while doing it. It's a pleasure to read an uplifting, joyful poem. mslyla
Comment Written 22-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2009
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mslyla, thank you for reading. I am very glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for your lovely review and compliments. With regards, Sue
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
You made excellent use of the words provided! The narrative reminded me of our wedding only looking at that beautiful bride coming down the aisle in her dad's arm is one of the most wonderful paintings will ever again see.
Dave
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2009
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You made excellent use of the words provided! The narrative reminded me of our wedding only looking at that beautiful bride coming down the aisle in her dad's arm is one of the most wonderful paintings will ever again see.
Dave
Comment Written 22-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2009
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Dave, thanks for sharing your own lovely story. How romantic and fortunate for you to have that memory. Thank you for your great review and comments. :-) Sue
Comment from Brandenpaul
Well written story of wedding day bliss. It's refreshing to think of how happy so many marriages start out. It flowed so smoothly and was fun to read. You did a good job with this.
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Well written story of wedding day bliss. It's refreshing to think of how happy so many marriages start out. It flowed so smoothly and was fun to read. You did a good job with this.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2009
Comment from amada
This is a great entry for the contest "Use These Words in your Poem." Lovely subject as well> Greath rhyming in a very happy subject.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2009
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This is a great entry for the contest "Use These Words in your Poem." Lovely subject as well> Greath rhyming in a very happy subject.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2009
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Amada, thank you for your review. Glad you enjoyed it. :-)) Sue
Comment from lovemyta
Excellent iambic meter of 8/6/8/6 stanza rhyme scheme. The poem has a happy message and weddings are always happy and sad. A crying mother is to be expected! Congratulations!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2009
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Excellent iambic meter of 8/6/8/6 stanza rhyme scheme. The poem has a happy message and weddings are always happy and sad. A crying mother is to be expected! Congratulations!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2009
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lovemyta, thank you for this lovely review! So glad you enjoyed it. Warmest regards, Sue