CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 101 "Ocean Dreams"A collection of poetry
31 total reviews
Comment from fastdigits
Beautiful phrasing to go
along with the art work of
the blue ocean.
Your words conjure up the
sounds, the smells, the
spray in your hair as the
white capped waves seek a
moment of rest on the sandy
shore before the ebb hurtles
them out again.
Well done
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Beautiful phrasing to go
along with the art work of
the blue ocean.
Your words conjure up the
sounds, the smells, the
spray in your hair as the
white capped waves seek a
moment of rest on the sandy
shore before the ebb hurtles
them out again.
Well done
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
Comment from Josipher32
This was a wonderfully written minute poem with perfect imabic measure throughout. The rhyme scheme was also correct in structure.
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This was a wonderfully written minute poem with perfect imabic measure throughout. The rhyme scheme was also correct in structure.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
Comment from Curt Mongold
You put this together very well my friend. I really like the way you rhmyed this piece too, it adds depth to the emotion. Very nice!!
Cuzzin Curt
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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You put this together very well my friend. I really like the way you rhmyed this piece too, it adds depth to the emotion. Very nice!!
Cuzzin Curt
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Thanks, Cuz! This is tougher than one might think. I know I was surprised. Four syllables per 3 lines was tough. Thanks for the review and compliments! :-)) Suz
Comment from Hitcher
I think I like the look of this style of writing, challenging I think but one could have some fun with it. I spent yesterday evening at the beach with my wife's whole family, barbecue, kayaking and having fun. This was at the lake[Taupo]it isn't quite as breath taking as your artwork but it has its own tranquil beauty as you well know my friend, you have been here, haven't you?
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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I think I like the look of this style of writing, challenging I think but one could have some fun with it. I spent yesterday evening at the beach with my wife's whole family, barbecue, kayaking and having fun. This was at the lake[Taupo]it isn't quite as breath taking as your artwork but it has its own tranquil beauty as you well know my friend, you have been here, haven't you?
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Well, you know that I fished Lake Taupo. The largest I got was a 5 lb. brown. Was fun, but you got it - it can't compare to the ocean. But, being around water is always so nice. Jealous you had a barbie and kayaking. Never mind. I'll just go outside in our newest storm today (blustering white-out practically) and build a bloody snowman! LOL!! Thanks for your review. Yeah, this is tougher than it looks. Four syllables per line was not easy! Did best I could :-)) Sue
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A 5 lb brown is ok, if it had been a rainbow I would of been rather jealous, but it wasn't, ha ha, bloody Marlin catcher!
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Now, I wasn't going to brag any further about that, but you started it! He was a 700 pounder! HA!!!!!
They had dishwashing liquid poured all over that chair and the deckhand was holding me from behind so the marlin wouldn't pull over the back of the boat! LOL!!!
Also caught a 30 lb. mackerel. No big deal for up there, though. The best fun I ever had was one day, we stopped at a small island and there were sandbars everywhere. I saw these black fish in swarms - by the thousands, looked like to me; RIGHT on the shore! Well, there I was on the sandy shore and threw my rod in. Turned out, they were Grand Travali! My pole was bent completely in a "U". Shee-it! Not even a 500 lb. man could bring one of those suckers in. They aren't even huge. Just as strong as an ox. It had me running along the beach. Oh, God. Such great memories!
Can't wait to get back!
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You had dishwashing liquid poured all over your chair while the deck hand held you from behind, sounds like a fising trip to remember Suc, ha ha. I wiil have a go one day my friend, catching the Marlin, you can have the dishwashing liquid, ha ha. a monster fish, every fishermans dream! you are one lucky lady!
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Gotta have the dishwashing liquid or your ass will stick on that chair and hurt! Got to be slippery on the chair! HA!!!
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Shit! I've just got to go Marlin fishing, ha ha
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Another fun part is that you have to go scad fishing first. That's the bait. A good size fish. Not too big. What's so fascinating is the deckhand has to gut him. Then sew his belly up perfectly like stitches. This scad has to swim as though he were alive. If he is on the end of the line, and doesn't look alive to the marlin, no bite!
I love watching the deckhands work. When you pole is in the hole, waiting for a bite of the marlin, all of a sudden the reel starts to "wheeeeeezzzzz". Then someone shouts, "STRIKE"! Then the skipper stops the boat (was trawling slowly). Someone grabs the pole, sits in the chair and works a LONG-ASS time to real that baby in.
On our boat one year, (called "Pipedream"), one of our clients caught a 1500 lb. marlin!! A record for the season up there. I wasn't on the boat at the time!
Sure is fun!
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You are having fun tormenting me Sue aren't you friend, it sounds bloddy awesome, fascinating, that deck hand is worth his wait in gold isn't he! What would be the price of such a monumental experiance? should i decide to embark on a quest such as you have gleefuly described. I'm curious!
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You'd have to get a quote online. You could go out with a large crew. It does cost a lot, though! Damn!
You should see he decky when he puts those thick gloves on. At the point in time when the marlin is up at the stern, he grabs the wire (he's then called the wire-man). On the marlin fishing line, down by the bait, there is wire first (maybe about 10 or 20' of it) - then there is the heavy weight fishing line. So, when the marlin is at the back of the boat, the wire-man has to grab ahold of that wire and keep the marlin there. Then you take a good look at him, tag him and let him go.
When you've got a marlin on the hook, the best part is watching him jump 15 feet in the air do spins to get off that line. WHEW, does he put up a fight. SPIRIT!
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Definitely a bit of an all rounder this deckhand come wire-man isn't he! ha ha, I know you can do it over here i just don't actually know anyone who has done it. I have a couple of mates with boats but they are not set up for Marlin and we just target Snapper and the mighty kingfish, when we get the chance to head to the coast that is. i do prefere the sea to the lake that's for sure.
Comment from dportwood
Good luck in the contest. This is a great subject for a minute poem and your poem nicely expresses love of the ocean.
Iambic is done well except in the 1st lines of the 1st and 2nd stanzas.
My soul longs for you, deep dark sea
consider:
With longing soul for deep, dark sea
My heart beats to your crashing sounds
consider:
My beating heart, your crashing sounds
(Something with a ta TUM ta TUM ta TUM ta TUM rhythm)
Otherwise very well done.
Duane
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Good luck in the contest. This is a great subject for a minute poem and your poem nicely expresses love of the ocean.
Iambic is done well except in the 1st lines of the 1st and 2nd stanzas.
My soul longs for you, deep dark sea
consider:
With longing soul for deep, dark sea
My heart beats to your crashing sounds
consider:
My beating heart, your crashing sounds
(Something with a ta TUM ta TUM ta TUM ta TUM rhythm)
Otherwise very well done.
Duane
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Duane, thank you very much for finding those errors. I woke up to them this morning, and they stared back at me! HA! Just fixed it all. To earn your fiver, wouldn't mind if you read it again! With respect, Sue
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Very nice.
Duane
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Thanks for your time to re-visit!
Comment from Domino
Morning Sue
I've never liked this form, though I've made a coupla average attempts myself.
I find a coupla rhmes forced here and not very imaginative;
'see, me' and 'blue, hue' in particular. Also 'on surf that pounds' seems forced. I won't downgrade cos as I said I'm no expert on the genre (or much else, LOL) but think it could be improved. Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Morning Sue
I've never liked this form, though I've made a coupla average attempts myself.
I find a coupla rhmes forced here and not very imaginative;
'see, me' and 'blue, hue' in particular. Also 'on surf that pounds' seems forced. I won't downgrade cos as I said I'm no expert on the genre (or much else, LOL) but think it could be improved. Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Hey, when I said be truthful, I was only kidding! LOL!!! I'll have another read of it this afternoon and have another go. Thanks, Ray! Sue
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LMAO, Sue.
Just obeyin orders. Love Ray xx
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Uh, oh! I think my iambs are off in the very first line! LOL!!! Why didn't you tell me?! HA! I hashed this thing out at about 1:00 a.m. - No more late night rhyming for me! HA!
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Ok, I believe I may have fixed it. The "pounds" doesn't seem forced now, because I swapped around the two lines after it. Be honest again!! I'll be honest and say that this is a tougher piece that I thought it would be. Those 4 syllables per line are a challenge for me! Thanks, Ray
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Wow, Sue, such a tiny change of words makes SO much difference.
That main irritant is posted ta history xx
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Ray, my love, where would I be without you? You watch my back on mediocrity!
Comment from grassroots08
This has a nice feel to it. It reads rather smoothly and tells and shows much in such a short a piece. Great job. Good picture selection as well. grassroots08
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This has a nice feel to it. It reads rather smoothly and tells and shows much in such a short a piece. Great job. Good picture selection as well. grassroots08
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
Comment from laurelp
I liked that. I know you wrote it with a specific pattern to the poetry. But, I look beyond that to what your words and thoughts were. I really enjoyed the read.
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I liked that. I know you wrote it with a specific pattern to the poetry. But, I look beyond that to what your words and thoughts were. I really enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
Comment from Dreamdancer
Hello my friend,
This makes me long for mother ocean. I miss being with her all the time. I grew up on a beach called Silver Strand and this really brought back some wonderful memories... Thanks for sharing my friend... Dreamdancer
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Hello my friend,
This makes me long for mother ocean. I miss being with her all the time. I grew up on a beach called Silver Strand and this really brought back some wonderful memories... Thanks for sharing my friend... Dreamdancer
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
Comment from Jazh
That's a lovely poem on one of my favourite subjects. Great rhythm and imagery: I really like "My heart beats to your crashing sounds". There's just one little typo in your Author Notes...you've left the 'z' out of stanza. Good luck with the contest. :)
Sue, it's great, but "undertoe" should be "undertow" unless you intended a pun! But it's a great finish. :)
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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2009
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That's a lovely poem on one of my favourite subjects. Great rhythm and imagery: I really like "My heart beats to your crashing sounds". There's just one little typo in your Author Notes...you've left the 'z' out of stanza. Good luck with the contest. :)
Sue, it's great, but "undertoe" should be "undertow" unless you intended a pun! But it's a great finish. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2009
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It's all your fault, you know!! Ha! I've always missed Australia, but since you came along, well....it's your fault. Now I'm aching to be out on White Haven Beach or up at Lizard Island. To be where Heaven really is. Thanks for the typo check. And for your great review.
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Hehe....I wondered if I had stirred up some Aussie nostalgia for you.....
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Like I said, "It's ALL your fault!" Yes you did! And I'm cross with you! HA!!!
I'm definitely coming down around October. I'll stop in for a visit (if you'll have me)
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LOL ooh I feel so guilty! I'd love to meet you.....and if you are brave enough to want to stay in The Asylum, then you are very welcome! :)