CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 129 "Is it Possible"A collection of poetry
60 total reviews
Comment from Chris Edwards
Hi Sixteezkid,I read this and thought it was a great first example of free verse,and also very clever in the way that you have bsed it all on opposite's.
I think poems like this are great as they force the reader to think about what they are reading.Can't find any faults.
Best wishes,
Chris.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Hi Sixteezkid,I read this and thought it was a great first example of free verse,and also very clever in the way that you have bsed it all on opposite's.
I think poems like this are great as they force the reader to think about what they are reading.Can't find any faults.
Best wishes,
Chris.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Chris,
I feel so honored by your most esteemed review of this work. Just to see that it had you ponder the questions and they resonated with you is THE best! I love writing within the confines of a format, but also have discovered this new freedom that I really want to explore. I thank you for this very encouraging review! Means so much.
With regards,
Sue
Comment from Prabs_Ranjan
I can't comment, how good free verse it is. But I really enjoyed the comparisons and oxymoronic tone.
"watching
the anger spill
into the canyon"
Brilliant line. May be replace semi-colon with a comma, before that. It will make it gramatically correct too.
But it was really worth reading it.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
 |
I can't comment, how good free verse it is. But I really enjoyed the comparisons and oxymoronic tone.
"watching
the anger spill
into the canyon"
Brilliant line. May be replace semi-colon with a comma, before that. It will make it gramatically correct too.
But it was really worth reading it.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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zapperatbest, Thank you for your very kind review. So glad you enjoyed it! And thanks for the punctuation correction. With regards, Sue
Comment from Valerie Julia Ann
Bravo! I adore it! This is beautiful for a first Free Verse poem.
Pointers - get rid of ALL the question marks. It clutters.
I love the form you've chosen; however, don't end the lines with articles. The articles should be at the beginning of lines, or in the middle, e.g.,
Is it possible
to fly
from the mundane
to the extraordinary
To lean over
a cliff's edge
and scream
watching anger (omitted "the")
spill into
the canyon
To brush off guilt
as the specks
on a jacket's lapel
To hear only
those words
which alight
the soul
yet do not sear
To walk
the desert dunes
and not cry
for its oasis
To sleep
with dreams of color
that rest the mind
To have silence
yet still hear
the loud cries
of passion
To grasp
a strong hand
which feels
my strength
To share an embrace
in another
language
To have one's hunger
fed by another's
hungry mouth
To find one's self
by getting lost
in rapture
To give while not
giving away
To receive
without not taking
To die and still live
I felt that the line breaks should be your pauses, your commas, and allow the poem to remain punctuationless.
This really is gorgeous. I don't give away many compliments, but for a first poem, you deserve kudos. What will the rest of your writing be like if you've created something like this for a first try! Valerie
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Bravo! I adore it! This is beautiful for a first Free Verse poem.
Pointers - get rid of ALL the question marks. It clutters.
I love the form you've chosen; however, don't end the lines with articles. The articles should be at the beginning of lines, or in the middle, e.g.,
Is it possible
to fly
from the mundane
to the extraordinary
To lean over
a cliff's edge
and scream
watching anger (omitted "the")
spill into
the canyon
To brush off guilt
as the specks
on a jacket's lapel
To hear only
those words
which alight
the soul
yet do not sear
To walk
the desert dunes
and not cry
for its oasis
To sleep
with dreams of color
that rest the mind
To have silence
yet still hear
the loud cries
of passion
To grasp
a strong hand
which feels
my strength
To share an embrace
in another
language
To have one's hunger
fed by another's
hungry mouth
To find one's self
by getting lost
in rapture
To give while not
giving away
To receive
without not taking
To die and still live
I felt that the line breaks should be your pauses, your commas, and allow the poem to remain punctuationless.
This really is gorgeous. I don't give away many compliments, but for a first poem, you deserve kudos. What will the rest of your writing be like if you've created something like this for a first try! Valerie
Comment Written 13-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Valerie, I'm overwhelmed! First by your most esteemed review and by your showing me HOW to make it come ALIVE all the more!! From my heart, I thank you so much for your incredible input. It has given me ALL the more desire to explore free verse.
As I read it with your rearrangement, it just popped off the page. Amazing! If I kept on and on, I may run out of adjectives - Ha!! But, I am overjoyed. You took your time to analyze it and imparted exactly what I needed to know to have a much firmer grasp on free verse, and with confidence. And THAT is very special! Look at how it reads now!!! Can't wait to go back and edit.
Hand to heart,
Sue
Comment from Donovan
I know nothing of form and care even less than I know. I think your message is good, it asks questions that are on all of our minds and we like knowing we are not the only ones. Good work.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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I know nothing of form and care even less than I know. I think your message is good, it asks questions that are on all of our minds and we like knowing we are not the only ones. Good work.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Ha! Laughing at your "care even less than I know"!! That's freedom.... Very glad you liked this work. And thanks for sharing your thoughts. With regards, Sue
Comment from minopavlic
Absolutely extraordinary, what a reflection within multiple perspectives and perceptions, I see you as one day being top dog, or in your case the top feline cat. I wish to explore that unique Chinese puzzle that represents your artistic creativity.
Thanks for sharing, as I know you're a welcomed addition to this writing community
No_obstacle
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Absolutely extraordinary, what a reflection within multiple perspectives and perceptions, I see you as one day being top dog, or in your case the top feline cat. I wish to explore that unique Chinese puzzle that represents your artistic creativity.
Thanks for sharing, as I know you're a welcomed addition to this writing community
No_obstacle
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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no_obstacle, your words mean so much. I am so happy that you enjoyed reading this piece. I just sat down and it all just came pouring out. Wow, I loved that! And to know you see what I do is an amazing feeling, itself. And thank you for welcoming me here to fanstory. With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Vallachi
I believe this lacks some poetic qualitites
I like the way you word the questions though
it makes me think and I like that
some of the questions have the answer no to them
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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I believe this lacks some poetic qualitites
I like the way you word the questions though
it makes me think and I like that
some of the questions have the answer no to them
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Vallachi, thank you very much for your most honest review. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. With regards, Sue
Comment from sara-beth
Okay, here's my honest opinion. Whenever someone writes an amazing free verse poem, it is because they had no idea what they were doing! It's the raw honesty that makes it so great, the way the words flow from your mind.....you've done a marvelous job....my favorite was "to have one's hunger fed by another's hungry mouth"
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Okay, here's my honest opinion. Whenever someone writes an amazing free verse poem, it is because they had no idea what they were doing! It's the raw honesty that makes it so great, the way the words flow from your mind.....you've done a marvelous job....my favorite was "to have one's hunger fed by another's hungry mouth"
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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sara-beth, that is exactly what happened to me. I didn't know where it was coming from!! Oh, to have more of that...you're right, it felt raw. So cool you shared that. And thanks so much for highlighting the verse you liked best! Always fun to know.
So glad you read this! Thanks much for your very kind review.
Warmest regards,
Sue
Comment from Susan E. Pennycuff
I love the poem, it makes the reader think
you ask some really powerful questions within it
what I don't like about it is the use of punctuation, especially the question marks... they put all the focus on the marks instead of the words themselves and I think that distracts from what you meant to do.
I do however think you are on the right track when it comes to writing free verse... let your thoughts flow freely
the key to good free verse is to remember that your line breaks will be where you would normally break when talking
stanza breaks are where you would normally pause for just a fraction of a second when you are naturally talking. If you can master that on the keyboard you will master free verse in form to some extent ( there are other things that make free verse free verse, but for the most part we do that naturally when we speak and it will most likely come naturally without explaination).
a very good write for the first time attempting free verse, please continue to work with this form as I believe you have a knack for it and if you hone your skills at it, you could be a great free verse artist. Suzi
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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I love the poem, it makes the reader think
you ask some really powerful questions within it
what I don't like about it is the use of punctuation, especially the question marks... they put all the focus on the marks instead of the words themselves and I think that distracts from what you meant to do.
I do however think you are on the right track when it comes to writing free verse... let your thoughts flow freely
the key to good free verse is to remember that your line breaks will be where you would normally break when talking
stanza breaks are where you would normally pause for just a fraction of a second when you are naturally talking. If you can master that on the keyboard you will master free verse in form to some extent ( there are other things that make free verse free verse, but for the most part we do that naturally when we speak and it will most likely come naturally without explaination).
a very good write for the first time attempting free verse, please continue to work with this form as I believe you have a knack for it and if you hone your skills at it, you could be a great free verse artist. Suzi
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Suzi, Awesome advice for this writer who wants to explore free verse even more! It feels GOOD to let it flow - ha!! And thank you for your most encouraging words; that you feel I have a knack for it. That means a lot!
With warmest regards,
Sue
Comment from dportwood
Sixteezkid,
I like your questions all centered around 'Is It Possible".
Lots of the questions have to be answered, "I don't know".
I believe it is okay to use question marks in poetry. Also that your free verse is well done.
I did notice this:
1st line
Is is possible
should be
Is it possible.
Duane
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Sixteezkid,
I like your questions all centered around 'Is It Possible".
Lots of the questions have to be answered, "I don't know".
I believe it is okay to use question marks in poetry. Also that your free verse is well done.
I did notice this:
1st line
Is is possible
should be
Is it possible.
Duane
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
-
Duane, always great to have your review. I'm so glad you liked it. And a big thanks for noticing the spelling error. With regards, Sue
Comment from Winslow
Dear Kid,
Very well done, if only we could do those things you describe. It creates a longing in the reader, can these things be attained? It flows well and stirs the emotions. If I had a six it would be yours.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Dear Kid,
Very well done, if only we could do those things you describe. It creates a longing in the reader, can these things be attained? It flows well and stirs the emotions. If I had a six it would be yours.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Winslow, so glad to hear your words of how you pondered this work and enjoyed it! And I thank you for your most generous review. (I'll just pretend you had a 6 - ha!)
Warmest regards,
Sue