CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 140 "My Son Left Today"A collection of poetry
73 total reviews
Comment from okiboy
A very heartfelt poem. I am thinking this is the feeling many have after families come together for Thanksgiving. Of course, it doesn't have to be. But this really captures the feeling of the feeling of leaving a family member after a breif get together. Very well done. Thanks!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
  |
A very heartfelt poem. I am thinking this is the feeling many have after families come together for Thanksgiving. Of course, it doesn't have to be. But this really captures the feeling of the feeling of leaving a family member after a breif get together. Very well done. Thanks!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
Thanks very much, okiboy, for your review and kind remarks. Regards, Sue
Comment from guerillapoet
I liked this piece for the most part. The story was fun and the style maintained a light tone. Some of the rhyme was well crafted and the other wordplay worked well at times.
I thought the rhyme and use of syllables could've used some work at certain parts. For instance:
"Farms and mountains, between us lay"
That line seemed a bit forced and interrupted the flow somewhat.
But the end was strong and the poem sounded good overall. With some adjustment I think the poem could express a lot more and sound a bit better doing it.
Thanks for the read,
GP
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
 |
I liked this piece for the most part. The story was fun and the style maintained a light tone. Some of the rhyme was well crafted and the other wordplay worked well at times.
I thought the rhyme and use of syllables could've used some work at certain parts. For instance:
"Farms and mountains, between us lay"
That line seemed a bit forced and interrupted the flow somewhat.
But the end was strong and the poem sounded good overall. With some adjustment I think the poem could express a lot more and sound a bit better doing it.
Thanks for the read,
GP
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
GP, I think you may have some good points here. I really appreciate your very honest review and specific comments. Respectfully, Sue
-
GP, I've re-worked a bit of it...maybe more to go. Just wanted to thank you again for taking the time...
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
i've never tried composing a quatrain as i never understood how the rhyme scheme was setup. you have cleared that up with this poem.
what a great piece of writing this is. a wonderful message of love for your son that has to return to his life far away..............regards,,,jim
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
|
i've never tried composing a quatrain as i never understood how the rhyme scheme was setup. you have cleared that up with this poem.
what a great piece of writing this is. a wonderful message of love for your son that has to return to his life far away..............regards,,,jim
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
Jim, so nice of you to read my poem. And I thank you for your very kind review. And your lovely words. Warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Aussie
Very apt artwork to comliment your heartfelt poem. So sad when they leave for places far from your heart. I appreciated you little bits of Australian language, it made your poem more affable. I liked your poem and no critiquing from this Australian.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
|
Very apt artwork to comliment your heartfelt poem. So sad when they leave for places far from your heart. I appreciated you little bits of Australian language, it made your poem more affable. I liked your poem and no critiquing from this Australian.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
Not many would get the "Oy"! HA!! But you know what I mean, that's for sure. All my children were born in Australia and 2 live there now and 4 are here in the America. Very difficult! But, we all stay close with emails, FB and Skype! Ha! Thanks for reading my poem and so glad you liked it. With regards, Sue (and Ta!)
-
G'Day me old China plate. I did not say anything about your spelling of 'Oy!" In fact it is spelt Oi! Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi,Oi,Oi! Don't fret it's OK sit back and Avagoodweekend! best wishes, Kay XX See ya later mashed potata!
-
Oh my lord, it is Oi !!!!!! Yikes! It will be corrected immediately.
Ha! What's so funny is that I sometimes use the Yiddish term "Oy Vey" and got them mixed up. Thanks for highlighting that MAJOR typo!
You're a right cheeky one, now arncha? lol
I'm going back down to Cairns next year. Can't wait to get on a boat and go out into "God's Country". No place on earth is more magnificent than being out to sea at the GBR. Whew! I'm missing it all now.
Comment from Terror2s
A very fluid, unforced poem with a strong impression about your sentiments. I felt like I wanted to know more... Was your son in the service? Or was he just going home to family? Terror
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
|
A very fluid, unforced poem with a strong impression about your sentiments. I felt like I wanted to know more... Was your son in the service? Or was he just going home to family? Terror
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
Terror, no thankfully he's not in the service. Just gone back to his home, wife and work. Thank you for your very kind review and specific comments on this piece. Much appreciated and with regards, Sue
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
What a wonderful poem written for your son's departure. It must have really been a deeply emotional event for you, that you could create such a wonderful piece. I find my best writing comes when I am most emotional. Good job.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
|
What a wonderful poem written for your son's departure. It must have really been a deeply emotional event for you, that you could create such a wonderful piece. I find my best writing comes when I am most emotional. Good job.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
El Gato, yes, it's great that we can at least write down our emotions. Very healing. Glad you enjoyed the poem. And thank you for your very kind review. With regards, Sue
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Sue....I know all parents can relate to this poem. It is always sad to see them go and especially if it is far away but what a joy when they come back! You wrote this poem as only a mother could. Well done....blessings...chey
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
|
Hi Sue....I know all parents can relate to this poem. It is always sad to see them go and especially if it is far away but what a joy when they come back! You wrote this poem as only a mother could. Well done....blessings...chey
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
Chey, the older I get, the harder it seems to say goodbye. Wasn't expecting it to be that way! Thank you for your very kind review and comments. With regards, Sue
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hi Six,
Another poem I can identify with. My daughter headed back to school saturday afternoon. She is a mere 225 miles distant, but it still hurts when she leaves. I know she hasn't forgotten me. I received a phonecall from her this morning. She was short on rent money, so I ponied up a few bucks to tide her over. Oh well, she's my only daughter.
Ray
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
|
Hi Six,
Another poem I can identify with. My daughter headed back to school saturday afternoon. She is a mere 225 miles distant, but it still hurts when she leaves. I know she hasn't forgotten me. I received a phonecall from her this morning. She was short on rent money, so I ponied up a few bucks to tide her over. Oh well, she's my only daughter.
Ray
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
**Laughing**!!! "Hey Dad, by the way......" LOL
-
**Laughing**!!! "Hey Dad, by the way......" LOL
Love that shared that!
Thanks so much for your very kind review and glad you enjoyed my poem.
With warmest regards,
Sue
Comment from wierdgrace
what a beautiful and wonderful poem, and this is structure with so much emotional feeling, and the auddie is great too. I loved this. You are doing wonderful with your writing, and I am jealous.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
|
what a beautiful and wonderful poem, and this is structure with so much emotional feeling, and the auddie is great too. I loved this. You are doing wonderful with your writing, and I am jealous.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
Weirdgrace, thank you so much for your very kind review and words. And your specific comments on the work. Am learning so much here! With warmest regards, Sue
-
you are so welcome
Comment from Poetic Friend
What a tough rhyme scheme, but you mastered it well, without sounding forced or trite.
It must be difficult dealing with your son leaving the home. In heart, you guys will always be together, anxiously awaiting the next holiday visit.
Just in case I did not mention it, Welcome to Fanstory.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
|
What a tough rhyme scheme, but you mastered it well, without sounding forced or trite.
It must be difficult dealing with your son leaving the home. In heart, you guys will always be together, anxiously awaiting the next holiday visit.
Just in case I did not mention it, Welcome to Fanstory.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
-
Poetic Friend, thank you for your heart-felt words and your very kind review. And I thank you for your specific comments on the rhyme scheme. It WAS tricky!! I am so glad I found Fanstory...learning so much. With warmest regards, Sue