From My Perch
Destination Darkness41 total reviews
Comment from boberto
Hey there Dklrdmcches--you are not suppose to
scare the hell out of us to get us to follow the word
of the Lord. Just a gentle push might prompt some.
Not only that, I prefer a long, not short journey. Good write.
boberto
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Hey there Dklrdmcches--you are not suppose to
scare the hell out of us to get us to follow the word
of the Lord. Just a gentle push might prompt some.
Not only that, I prefer a long, not short journey. Good write.
boberto
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thanks a million for the generous review, I do appreciate it...dklrd
Comment from Veronica Grace
An ominous sense to this poem, but I think it could have an even more ominous feel with a few changes.
Here are some suggestions:
From my perch in which you cannot see.(I think you should remove IN)
Dare to believe the Lord is the savior. (this Lord would sound ominously egotistical)
A visitation to the one and only Lord.(A vistitation to the one, the only Lord.
Also, instead of using the and this, use me and my to an ego effect.
Eliminate that whereever possible.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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An ominous sense to this poem, but I think it could have an even more ominous feel with a few changes.
Here are some suggestions:
From my perch in which you cannot see.(I think you should remove IN)
Dare to believe the Lord is the savior. (this Lord would sound ominously egotistical)
A visitation to the one and only Lord.(A vistitation to the one, the only Lord.
Also, instead of using the and this, use me and my to an ego effect.
Eliminate that whereever possible.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you...dklrd
Comment from Janet65
Hi DKLRDMCCHES,
I'm not sure about this, but is the narrator Dracula? The line that says, "The voice that has sucked the lives..." It seems like an extremely dark poem. And yet, the piece doesn't sound like the theme is in gest or humorous. I did not feel that at all.
I like that you mention The Savior and even the Lord in one place. I enjoy reading these poems, as most of my work is of a serious nature. Keep writing.
Janet65
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Hi DKLRDMCCHES,
I'm not sure about this, but is the narrator Dracula? The line that says, "The voice that has sucked the lives..." It seems like an extremely dark poem. And yet, the piece doesn't sound like the theme is in gest or humorous. I did not feel that at all.
I like that you mention The Savior and even the Lord in one place. I enjoy reading these poems, as most of my work is of a serious nature. Keep writing.
Janet65
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you...dklrd
Comment from rama devi
I found this puzzling...enigmatic...ambiguous.
Yet it has a flow and creates a dream=like and somewhat scary impression. (perhaps that is the intention?) Ah, now I have glanced at your bio and see that it is indeed your intent.
Some of the phrases seem to come out of the blue (or the black, to be more precise) and they are dis-jointed, not having a clear connection to the lines preceding them.But that is okay...as mystery and darkness are inter-connected and dreams do not flow in timelines or sequences.
Your destination is a short one,
A trip that has only one outcome.
These two lines seem mixed...the trip would be short and the destination the outcome. I do not know why they are switched here.
Anyway, you have a strange yet highly creative and inventive poetic voice.
Warm regards,
rama devi
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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I found this puzzling...enigmatic...ambiguous.
Yet it has a flow and creates a dream=like and somewhat scary impression. (perhaps that is the intention?) Ah, now I have glanced at your bio and see that it is indeed your intent.
Some of the phrases seem to come out of the blue (or the black, to be more precise) and they are dis-jointed, not having a clear connection to the lines preceding them.But that is okay...as mystery and darkness are inter-connected and dreams do not flow in timelines or sequences.
Your destination is a short one,
A trip that has only one outcome.
These two lines seem mixed...the trip would be short and the destination the outcome. I do not know why they are switched here.
Anyway, you have a strange yet highly creative and inventive poetic voice.
Warm regards,
rama devi
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you...dklrd
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
The colors you picked for the piece was a very good choice. You did an excellent job with the wording and the flow. Can't wait to read more.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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The colors you picked for the piece was a very good choice. You did an excellent job with the wording and the flow. Can't wait to read more.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you...dklrd
Comment from daizylublue
Dklrdmcches,
I liked this. I mean the whole devil thing is creepy but your writing is excellent. I think it is well-written and has a good flow. Nice work!
Daizy
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Dklrdmcches,
I liked this. I mean the whole devil thing is creepy but your writing is excellent. I think it is well-written and has a good flow. Nice work!
Daizy
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you for stopping by...dklrd
Comment from Hurricane Dean
Well, I would have to guess the reader is on a short trip to see the Lord of the Underworld, the Prince of Darkness. I love the lines, "The color has been washed away / By the greys of my inner soul." It's abstract but not too abstract all the while providing the reader with great imagery in color. Nicely done. Sincerely, Dean
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Well, I would have to guess the reader is on a short trip to see the Lord of the Underworld, the Prince of Darkness. I love the lines, "The color has been washed away / By the greys of my inner soul." It's abstract but not too abstract all the while providing the reader with great imagery in color. Nicely done. Sincerely, Dean
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you for understanding this poem, I greatly appreciate you stopping by...dklrd
Comment from Scarlettdreams
Hmmmm, one and only one direction and inevitable end. I suppose it's true. See yourself as a reaper then? smiles. Or at least the character in the poem does. Well said.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Hmmmm, one and only one direction and inevitable end. I suppose it's true. See yourself as a reaper then? smiles. Or at least the character in the poem does. Well said.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you very much for stopping by and reviewing this piece, take care...dklrd
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Dklrdmcches....a rather creepy but well written poem. Your first strophe is a definite eye catcher and draws the reader in....a good poetic device. I was a little distracted by the caps on all the beginning words in each line, even if it were not a new sentence. You did a good job with this .....chey
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Hi Dklrdmcches....a rather creepy but well written poem. Your first strophe is a definite eye catcher and draws the reader in....a good poetic device. I was a little distracted by the caps on all the beginning words in each line, even if it were not a new sentence. You did a good job with this .....chey
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you for the kind review, I do appreciate it...dklrd
Comment from justmade
Alright this read dark and I liked that I could picture what you wrote which makes it good in my opinion. It was okay.
Much love,
Justmade.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Alright this read dark and I liked that I could picture what you wrote which makes it good in my opinion. It was okay.
Much love,
Justmade.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and for reviewing this piece...dklrd
