Death of Timothy Grey
Watching can sometimes be deadly30 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Suicide is certainly a tragedy that effects those left behind for many years. Your first line certainly was a good hook to keep reading, Barry, and I did. Congratulations on the contest win,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Suicide is certainly a tragedy that effects those left behind for many years. Your first line certainly was a good hook to keep reading, Barry, and I did. Congratulations on the contest win,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 19-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Thanks, Valda, for your review and Congratulations. Glad you enjoyed the read. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Thesis
I read this opening paragraph and realized it could be a complete story by itself. You left it wide open to take the story into a myriad of directions to develop the nightmare.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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I read this opening paragraph and realized it could be a complete story by itself. You left it wide open to take the story into a myriad of directions to develop the nightmare.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Thanks for the review. Yes, there are quite a few ways to go with this story. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Congratulations on your well deserved win. I thought your opening line was far more striking than many others. Your brief story included the mystery of the reasons that prompted Timothy Grey's death. This does sound like a story to be continued. What caused Timothy so much pain?
I wish you much success with whatever you decide to do.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Congratulations on your well deserved win. I thought your opening line was far more striking than many others. Your brief story included the mystery of the reasons that prompted Timothy Grey's death. This does sound like a story to be continued. What caused Timothy so much pain?
I wish you much success with whatever you decide to do.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read and I hope I can turn it into a very good longer story. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from gangreen
I think you do have the start of a longer story here.As a reader I wonder why Timothy Grey is in such a hurry to end his life.The reader like the observer is helpless to stop him doing so but the the act unfolds so quickly. This seems to be a definitive moment in the observers life,a nightmare has arrived,and there is the back story of Timothy Grey to be explored.When I read this I got the vague feeling that it was about suicide but was still shocked by the reveal at the end,I hope this has been useful to you.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I think you do have the start of a longer story here.As a reader I wonder why Timothy Grey is in such a hurry to end his life.The reader like the observer is helpless to stop him doing so but the the act unfolds so quickly. This seems to be a definitive moment in the observers life,a nightmare has arrived,and there is the back story of Timothy Grey to be explored.When I read this I got the vague feeling that it was about suicide but was still shocked by the reveal at the end,I hope this has been useful to you.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thanks for your review. It was useful to read your thoughts on the future of the story and also that it moved a little quickly. Thanks for those comments. I was informed this morning that the piece tied for first place. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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Thanks for reply and congratulations on doing so well in the contest.
Comment from Wendy G
Certainly a dramatic opening for a story or book, and one which opens up many possibilities. Your story is well written, and I send good wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Certainly a dramatic opening for a story or book, and one which opens up many possibilities. Your story is well written, and I send good wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Wendy,
Thanks for your review. Your best wishes worked as I was informed this morning that the piece tied for first. You take care and have a most wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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Congratulations. (You had my vote.)
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Thanks Wendy. Have a good day.
Comment from Brenda Strauser
I liked this story. The beginning line was good. You surprised me in the end. Very good story. Good luck in the contest. Looking at the picture, I never would have guessed the ending.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I liked this story. The beginning line was good. You surprised me in the end. Very good story. Good luck in the contest. Looking at the picture, I never would have guessed the ending.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Brenda,
Thanks so much for your great review. I was informed this morning that the piece tied for first place. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, you certainly did a great job of drawing me in and creating interest. But then you cut the story short with crack of his spine and the quiver as he dangled from his elongated neck until all was silent and still.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Well, you certainly did a great job of drawing me in and creating interest. But then you cut the story short with crack of his spine and the quiver as he dangled from his elongated neck until all was silent and still.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Ric,
Thanks for your review. Yes, that little extra, would have increased the impact factor. Perhaps a bit too gruesome. The piece tied for first place. Who knows what might have happened.?Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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My comments weren't a recommendation, Barry. I was just being silly. Your story was outstanding. Personally, I'm not a fan of all the graphic sex, violence, and vulgar details used as shock factors.
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No, I am not really into that. Thanks again for the review. Keep on writing.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds like a terrible experience and I am relieved that it is all fiction. I once had to attend an early morning scene where a man had hung himself in the park overnight and it was definitely a nightmare, your story gave me the chills, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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This sounds like a terrible experience and I am relieved that it is all fiction. I once had to attend an early morning scene where a man had hung himself in the park overnight and it was definitely a nightmare, your story gave me the chills, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Dolly,
Thanks for your review. Yes, suicide is a horrible thing. I am thinking of making this into a longer story. Thanks for your support. It ties for first place.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from royowen
I once did that as a nutty teenager thinking the rope would unravel, fortunately it wasn't my time, my silly scheme backfired, but apart from a bit of rope burn, I was unhurt, beautifully written, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I once did that as a nutty teenager thinking the rope would unravel, fortunately it wasn't my time, my silly scheme backfired, but apart from a bit of rope burn, I was unhurt, beautifully written, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Roy,
I am so glad you attempt was not successful. Think of all those great poems that would have been lost.Take care and you and your family have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry
PS. The piece tied for first place.
Comment from Begin Again
Wow! Now that's something I would not want to witness. How haunting to think someone was just climbing a tree and then seconds later, he is dead, hanging from the tree. Well done.
Smiles, Carol
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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Wow! Now that's something I would not want to witness. How haunting to think someone was just climbing a tree and then seconds later, he is dead, hanging from the tree. Well done.
Smiles, Carol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Carol,
Thanks for your review. I am glad you enjoyed the read, despite the sad topic. It came in as equal first in the competition. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
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Congratulations! Your story was well done!