Beneath the Tranquil Sheen
Be a swan.86 total reviews
Comment from Loretta Bigg
Sometimes a rhyme in this kind of poem gets tedious, but it didn't hear at all. It reminded me of something Emily Dickenson might have written, peaceful, gliding on the water. The one line that didn't work for me was the last one as it didn't keep the same meter. But maybe that was done on purpose to alter the rhythm? The rest I liked very much.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Sometimes a rhyme in this kind of poem gets tedious, but it didn't hear at all. It reminded me of something Emily Dickenson might have written, peaceful, gliding on the water. The one line that didn't work for me was the last one as it didn't keep the same meter. But maybe that was done on purpose to alter the rhythm? The rest I liked very much.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Loretta, you honor me with that comparison.
I took another look at that line after your review- you were absolutely right. I?ve since fixed.
Thank you so much.
Jessica
Comment from Alyssa Wilson
Beautiful and perceptive work. I am an avid birder, so I extra appreciated this piece. I love the meaning you were able to smoothly pull from your observations of her aswell!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Beautiful and perceptive work. I am an avid birder, so I extra appreciated this piece. I love the meaning you were able to smoothly pull from your observations of her aswell!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback!
Xo
Jessica
Comment from mil burn
No 6's left, but this poem, filled with so many 'Life-Lesson' nuances, certainly deserves one! Thank you for the added description of your property and the pond.
Single swans, like single Canadian Geese and even some ducks, are a sure sign that they have lost their mate, and will never mate again.
The Pioneer Home assisted living facility in our small town is filled with elderly ladies who have lost their husbands, and yet they carry on and attend our small congregation church on Sunday, courtesy driven by our members.
Good work,
irish
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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No 6's left, but this poem, filled with so many 'Life-Lesson' nuances, certainly deserves one! Thank you for the added description of your property and the pond.
Single swans, like single Canadian Geese and even some ducks, are a sure sign that they have lost their mate, and will never mate again.
The Pioneer Home assisted living facility in our small town is filled with elderly ladies who have lost their husbands, and yet they carry on and attend our small congregation church on Sunday, courtesy driven by our members.
Good work,
irish
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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I appreciate your feedback so much, and I am moved by what you shared.
Xo
Jessica
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Certainly, the rumor has it they mate for life but in our world today perhaps they have taken flight and joined the human race divorcing half the time. Ha-ha.
Question: swans bear ... ???? explain, please.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Certainly, the rumor has it they mate for life but in our world today perhaps they have taken flight and joined the human race divorcing half the time. Ha-ha.
Question: swans bear ... ???? explain, please.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Haha thank you for the laugh, Tom!
Comment from Theresa Honnigford
Excellent! Poignant. Relatable to most. Relevant. Well written. Thanks so much. This work was well deserved in being recognized. Great job. Theresa H.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Excellent! Poignant. Relatable to most. Relevant. Well written. Thanks so much. This work was well deserved in being recognized. Great job. Theresa H.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much, Theresa!! I appreciate your feedback very much!
Xo
Jessica
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Welcome 😊
Comment from Mintybee
Your steady rhyme and rhythm give solid structure to this poem that moves from the specific and concrete swan, to a more general and figurative look at character. Your musing about the swan and about persistence was deep and lovely.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Your steady rhyme and rhythm give solid structure to this poem that moves from the specific and concrete swan, to a more general and figurative look at character. Your musing about the swan and about persistence was deep and lovely.
Mintybee
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback!
Xo
Jessica
Comment from pome lover
I understand that she may be still mourning her mate, but are you saying that constant paddling with her feet is the only way she stays afloat? I thought they mostly glided unless they were aiming for a specific location. I'm trying to understand your next to last verse.
Katharine
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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I understand that she may be still mourning her mate, but are you saying that constant paddling with her feet is the only way she stays afloat? I thought they mostly glided unless they were aiming for a specific location. I'm trying to understand your next to last verse.
Katharine
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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It was my understanding that they have to paddle quite quickly in order to glide
Comment from Dr. Nad
Wow Jessica, that was a fantastic rhyming poem that incorporated the elements of what our literary artistic endeavors should be all about. A beautiful picture to highlight the quality of your linguistic prowess! You have been able to take your readers on a figurative at around your pond and deposit us squarely in a paradigm of contemplative thought. You helped us to see more than just a swan which would've been, sufficient in and of itself. But no . . . You cleverly invited us to think along with you and your daughter about something deeper and more complex. Thanks!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Wow Jessica, that was a fantastic rhyming poem that incorporated the elements of what our literary artistic endeavors should be all about. A beautiful picture to highlight the quality of your linguistic prowess! You have been able to take your readers on a figurative at around your pond and deposit us squarely in a paradigm of contemplative thought. You helped us to see more than just a swan which would've been, sufficient in and of itself. But no . . . You cleverly invited us to think along with you and your daughter about something deeper and more complex. Thanks!
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Thank you! I appreciate your feedback and kind words, so much!!
Xo
Jessica
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Hey Jessica, you are most welcome!
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Hey Jessica, you are most welcome!
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Hey Jessica, you are most welcome!
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Hey Jessica, you are most welcome!
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Hey Jessica, you are most welcome!
Comment from LJbutterfly
Your captivating poem is creative and thought-provoking. I enjoyed the way you tell a story in rhyme, describing the beauty and mystery of the swan. You then question her lonely existence, and finish your poem with how we can be inspired by her. You have posted a beautiful picture and beautiful poem.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Your captivating poem is creative and thought-provoking. I enjoyed the way you tell a story in rhyme, describing the beauty and mystery of the swan. You then question her lonely existence, and finish your poem with how we can be inspired by her. You have posted a beautiful picture and beautiful poem.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Thank you, I am honored by your kind words and review. I truly appreciate your insightful feedback.
Xoxo
Jessica
Comment from BermyBye50
Jessica,
This is a magnificent entry in the Take A Photo Poetry contest. The swan or swans that inspired this write are the perfect muse for a brilliantly written poem. Every line is inspired and is a gift to the reader. The rhyming is excellent and flows smoothly from one stanza to the next. This is a contest winner in my opinion.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Jessica,
This is a magnificent entry in the Take A Photo Poetry contest. The swan or swans that inspired this write are the perfect muse for a brilliantly written poem. Every line is inspired and is a gift to the reader. The rhyming is excellent and flows smoothly from one stanza to the next. This is a contest winner in my opinion.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Eugene, thank you so much. Your feedback is so valuable, I appreciate it more than you know!
Xoxo
Jessica