Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

A fine sonnet and I enjoyed the sentiments here. I just have a few suggestions here for your that you might want to consider.

"and drape my visage with a fun'ral pall"

"as gusts have left me deaf in final stupor". (feminine ending 11 syllables)

"Why dank (the) wind, my happiness doth neuter?" (feminine ending 11 syllables)

Much enjoyed, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi Dolly,

Oh thanks for the valuable suggestions that I will take a look at to consider. I had a little trouble with the flow and syllable count as I thought Shakespearean sonnets must have 10 syllables per line in iambic pentameter.

Your thoughts are very valuable to me as always . Thanks,Dolly, for your input.

Have a great rest of tour week and weekend.

Always,
Senyai

reply by Dolly'sPoems on 18-Jun-2021

If you use feminine endings they you automatically have 11 syllables, love Dolly x

Comment from Eunice Amero

Excellent

Yes, wind can be dangerous. My sister is afraid of it. When I was young my fathers building where he played movies on week-ends got it's roof blown off and carried down the front of the house. I was too young to remember but mom told me. So weather can affect us in different ways. I agree with you mental issues and it's so a shame. Good poem.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi Eunice,

Thanks for your spot on review and comments. Yes, weather can be a daunting force to contend with. I know in the spring here in Texas, if there are too many days with constant strong winds out of the south, relentlessly so, it can really get to to a person.

I appreciate your thoughts and lovely review :-)

Have a great rest of your week and weekend.

Always,
Senyai

reply by Eunice Amero on 17-Jun-2021

You are more than welcome. The same with rain to us. I remembered it rained about a month and when the sun came out people everywhere were looking up and feeling so happy finally the rain was over.

reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Yes, amazing how weather affects us. It?s like the backdrop for our day, lol.

Comment from Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent

Gorgeous sonnet--stunning imagery, startling phrasing and flawless flow-Compelling message as regards mental illness--unexpected theme for a sonnet--but you nailed it.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi Elizabeth,

Oh, thank you so much for your superb review and thoughts. Always welcome to hear from you!

Have a great rest of your week and a great weekend.

Always,
Senyai

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I am a huge fan of sonnets and this contest entry did not disappoint me. Also I live in Texas, we have this little issue with wind. LOL Although in my section of the state, we normally have a dry wind, not a moist one. Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hey Barbara,

I so enjoyed your review and comments from a fellow Texan :-). Yes, sometimes that old dry south west wind can blow hot and constant and play with mood in a bit of a negative way. We are more moist in the Dallas/Fort Worth area than we used to be. It used to be bone dry for days and days in the summer when I grew up but this spring has been more rainy than most.

Thanks your again for your thoughts and spot on review. I appreciate your input :-)

Have a great rest of your week and coming weekend.

Always,
Senyai

Comment from Susan Larson

Excellent

Oh, what an education reading this poem, then all your author's notes and then reading the poem again. Even those not suffering mental illness can be feeling down because of the weather. So if I'm feeling down, I should not drink a sloe gin fizz? LOL Beautifully written. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi Susan,

Yes, no Sloe gin fizzes, lol. I struggled with this sonnet but hope I pulled it off. Your thoughts and wonderful comments mean so much. Thank you!

Have a great rest of your week and coming weekend.

Always,
Senyai

Comment from elchupakabra

Exceptional

This was excellent, I loved the choice of language, you had me from the first line - Your hazy breath upon me wields a blow - Exceptional work here, good luck in the contest, thanks for sharing. Later daze.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi ElChupakabra,

Thanks for such a super review and kind praise. I am delighted you liked my sonnet.

Your input is valuable to me and very appreciated!

Have a great rest of your week.

Always,
Senyai

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Interesting poem. As a sonnet the form is good,, but I would look closer at the third stanza's content. Do you think it presents a strong enough opposing argument and but or a twist. I can see it in the final couplet.

Good entry and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi Lancellot,

I will look at your valuable suggestions and take heed. My first sonnet here and I am learning ?

So I need to better distinguish the Volta?

Thanks for a super review and input. They are very valuable to me. If you could, explain a bit further.

Thanks!

Senyai

Comment from Sherry Asbury

Excellent

As a person who suffers from mental problems, I found this poem a fantastic read... I manage mine most of the time but rely on my Higher Power to get me through most. Thank you for the word list!! I love the artwork!! I love the wind - it has personality and fills the day with movement. Great work here, Poet.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi Sherry,

I too am very affected by weather, seasonal changes and especially the wind. I struggle with a bit of apathy as well.

I hope for all to come to grips with how to manage their own way and live their lives to the fullest. A lot of understanding and tolerance goes such a long way. I too, put my issues before the Great I Am ?

Creative people, I believe, struggle in many ways and seek to express those great questions and answers to help in their own day to day lives.

Thanks, Sherry for this super review and comments ?have a great rest of your week and weekend.

All the best :-)
Senyai

Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan

Excellent

Unfortunately, I am not aware of the background story of this well-written poem. as I am not a student of English and from a non-English speaking country. But I enjoyed the style, form and rhymes. Nothing and no one can destroy the people on this earth. We are great survivors.. They are relentless survivors. We may bend to the wind, but we never break. Good luck in the contest. That's great artwork you have here!

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi Seshadri,

So good to hear from you again! That?s okay, I can only speak English and Spanish and look at you, you are conversing in English quite well here on FanStory :-). Which I admire very much!

My sonnet is just about the wind and weather affecting mood and responses in people. I always appreciate your thoughts and valuable reviews.

Have a wonderful rest of your week and weekend, Seshadri!

Always,
Senyai

Comment from Pj Dennison

Excellent

Alas, I am out of six stars and this poem is deserving of six stars as it is outstanding. The rhyme scheme and meter are consistent throughout the poem which has a degree of difficulty with this type of poetry. The theme "Winds of Catatonia" is well supported in verse in a beautiful old English tongue I believe. Forgive me if I am incorrect. It sounds beautiful. The poem certainly evokes some grand imagery and the artwork looks like it was purposely created for this poem. Best wishes in the contest.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021

Hi PJ,

Your super review and comments are very valuable to me and are always appreciated. You interpreted my sonnet correctly! Thank you for the 6 star reference, too! Made my day, PJ :-)

Your input is welcome as always. Thank you.

Have a great rest of your week and weekend.

Always,
Senyai

reply by Pj Dennison on 17-Jun-2021

You are very welcome!