Eric's Epic Adventures Bk 4
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Aqua-Beings Want Answers"Eric And The Lost City of Atlantis
33 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
I've been waiting for another chapter about Eric's adventures.
Just a few points:
'aqua-beings' is capitalised in some places but not others. It needs to be consistent.
Herbie decided he'd fly over the aqua-beings heads in an attempt - apostrophe needed - aqua-beings' heads
Suddenly, all the images disappeared. - there is an extra space after 'images'
Whilst we were looking into your history, we sent thought messages - there is an extra space after 'sent'
Stay safe in these strange times.
Judy
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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I've been waiting for another chapter about Eric's adventures.
Just a few points:
'aqua-beings' is capitalised in some places but not others. It needs to be consistent.
Herbie decided he'd fly over the aqua-beings heads in an attempt - apostrophe needed - aqua-beings' heads
Suddenly, all the images disappeared. - there is an extra space after 'images'
Whilst we were looking into your history, we sent thought messages - there is an extra space after 'sent'
Stay safe in these strange times.
Judy
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for your really helpful review, Judy, as always you are most appreciated. I've made the corrections. I'm delighted you are still reading and enjoying this story. Thanks, my friend, and you stay safe as well! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from tfawcus
Another intriguing chapter, Sandra. The tenuous but developing relationship between the aqua-beings and Eric's mob is coming across very well, and your idea that the vast unused capacity of our brains could be storing things that we're not aware of is an interesting one. It would explain innate behaviours and that feeling of deja vu we sometimes get.
A few suggestions:
Eric could feel the fear(,) and a building panic. [remove comma]
"I'm only just twelve years old(,) and not much has happened in that time that I know about." [add comma]
That didn't make any sense to Eric(,) or make him feel better. [remove comma]
"We need you to( )do what we do. [remove extra space]
It felt like feathery fingers probing his brain(,) and didn't hurt at all. [remove comma]
Suddenly, all the images( )disappeared. [remove extra space]
Even before this planet's population grew so large, nets were being (put in the water)(,) and dragged along to catch as much marine life as possible. [remove comma or possibly review to simplify this sentence. 'Put in the water' is redundant.]
we sent( )thought messages to our people on the other planets. [remove extra space]
an empty planet [possibly 'uninhabited']
He glanced back at the aqua-beings who had returned to (their places at) the table and were (now sat) staring out towards the mermen. [a wordy sentence that could be simplified]
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Another intriguing chapter, Sandra. The tenuous but developing relationship between the aqua-beings and Eric's mob is coming across very well, and your idea that the vast unused capacity of our brains could be storing things that we're not aware of is an interesting one. It would explain innate behaviours and that feeling of deja vu we sometimes get.
A few suggestions:
Eric could feel the fear(,) and a building panic. [remove comma]
"I'm only just twelve years old(,) and not much has happened in that time that I know about." [add comma]
That didn't make any sense to Eric(,) or make him feel better. [remove comma]
"We need you to( )do what we do. [remove extra space]
It felt like feathery fingers probing his brain(,) and didn't hurt at all. [remove comma]
Suddenly, all the images( )disappeared. [remove extra space]
Even before this planet's population grew so large, nets were being (put in the water)(,) and dragged along to catch as much marine life as possible. [remove comma or possibly review to simplify this sentence. 'Put in the water' is redundant.]
we sent( )thought messages to our people on the other planets. [remove extra space]
an empty planet [possibly 'uninhabited']
He glanced back at the aqua-beings who had returned to (their places at) the table and were (now sat) staring out towards the mermen. [a wordy sentence that could be simplified]
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for finding all those nits, Tony, I've made the corrections, and I'm sure more will crop up. :(
I remember reading somewhere that it's possible that we have taken on our ancestors memories, but we're still in our infancy where it comes to matters of the brain so they lie dormant for the time being. I thought it would be good to use it. It allowed me to put in what I wanted the aqua-beings to learn! Crafty, hey?
Thank you so much for the 6 stars, my friend, and this really helpful review. I hope you're taking care and keeping well. How is the book editing coming along? Keep safe! :)) Sandra xxx
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All well here. I'm still slogging away at the editing. The drafts are gradually getting cleaner and leaner. My wife read it for the first time this week and came up with several useful suggestions.
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My husband often comes up with great suggestions when I'm stuck. Our spouses can be quite useful, can't they?? LOL
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra. Interesting things happened this chapter. Telepathic conversations can be tricky and it seems it can be loud as well. Eric can see things that happened before he was born. You are showing great imagination. It is a hard story to hold together.
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hello Sandra. Interesting things happened this chapter. Telepathic conversations can be tricky and it seems it can be loud as well. Eric can see things that happened before he was born. You are showing great imagination. It is a hard story to hold together.
Robert
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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I would hate us to have the ability to be telepathic. It would cause no end of wars, more than we already have! Thank you so much for your continued support of this story, Robert, that's so nice of you. Stay safe and well, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You're welcome
Comment from susand3022
Hi Sandra, If the merpeople had gone, they obviously found somewhere to go. However, folklore suggests that some may have remained, at least some of each kind. You have the legends of the Silkies, of course, that come on land and chose their mate and take them back into the deep. The merpeople of course too. Lots of legends to work with! ;)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hi Sandra, If the merpeople had gone, they obviously found somewhere to go. However, folklore suggests that some may have remained, at least some of each kind. You have the legends of the Silkies, of course, that come on land and chose their mate and take them back into the deep. The merpeople of course too. Lots of legends to work with! ;)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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I've read a a couple of books in the Silkies series, they were really good. It would be amazing to see one. Thank you so much for your continued support, Susan, I do like reading your reviews. Keep safe and well, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This was an intense chapter of not knowing what would happen to
Eric before and after the mind meld. You did a great job explaining all of it. The outcome will give yo more tangents to follow in other chapters. I will be interested in what the discussion proved and Herbie's idea. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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This was an intense chapter of not knowing what would happen to
Eric before and after the mind meld. You did a great job explaining all of it. The outcome will give yo more tangents to follow in other chapters. I will be interested in what the discussion proved and Herbie's idea. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much, Jan, for another of your lovely reviews. Eric will have a surprise when he finds out. :)) Stay safe and well, my friend. Sending a hug. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
Maybe there is an empty planet with plenty of water, and maybe the modern-day aliens can find it. I don't imagine Eric could do much, but who knows? He's pretty clever.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Maybe there is an empty planet with plenty of water, and maybe the modern-day aliens can find it. I don't imagine Eric could do much, but who knows? He's pretty clever.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much, Cindy, for this really good review. No, Eric on his own can't do much, but who knows what's possible with H & G. I'll be interested in reading your next review! :)) Thanks, my friend. Stay well, and safe. Sandra xx
Comment from royowen
This is a very clever episode, true or not, I know that the human part of Jesus knew His ancestors, and they were meant to be His human ancestors, and a fine eclectic mix they were indeed, as our could be, it makes sense to me that when we get to Heaven we will know all our ancestors, but then we'll know Abraham and co. An excellent plot with this episode, plenty of good sense for your grandson, well done dear Sandra, blessings. Roy has
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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This is a very clever episode, true or not, I know that the human part of Jesus knew His ancestors, and they were meant to be His human ancestors, and a fine eclectic mix they were indeed, as our could be, it makes sense to me that when we get to Heaven we will know all our ancestors, but then we'll know Abraham and co. An excellent plot with this episode, plenty of good sense for your grandson, well done dear Sandra, blessings. Roy has
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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I love that you brought in about Jesus knowing His human ancestors. No one could possibly know if we do, in fact, have a storage area of our ancestors' memories. But, you're right, I've always believed we will know all those in our families that have gone before us. Won't it be fun to meet them? To meet Abraham!! Now that would be amazing. Thank you so very much for this lovely review, my dear friend. I always appreciate you. Big hugs, and please stay safe! :)) Sandra xxx
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I've found knowing God there a storehouse of creativity that is beyond anything we can imagine, I think that you have tapped into that Sandra, but there is much, much more,
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Aw thank you. I can't begin to imagine what our brain is capable of. I hope we can get to ask God some questions when He brings us home. :))
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I think so, it goes beyond the brain Sandra.
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Now there's some food for thought! :)) xx
Comment from aryr
Another great chapter, Sandra. It was a wonderful idea that Eric was responsive to Kon's request and that Herbie offered such support. What a shame that Kon's people were in the future treated so cruelly. The world was and is so overpopulated and the greed of survival has set in. That was great that you reminded us, as the reader, of the initial visit. I can't wait to find out what Herbie and Gizmo are thinking up. Very well done, big hugs and smiles to you and yours, stay safe.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Another great chapter, Sandra. It was a wonderful idea that Eric was responsive to Kon's request and that Herbie offered such support. What a shame that Kon's people were in the future treated so cruelly. The world was and is so overpopulated and the greed of survival has set in. That was great that you reminded us, as the reader, of the initial visit. I can't wait to find out what Herbie and Gizmo are thinking up. Very well done, big hugs and smiles to you and yours, stay safe.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you so very much for another wonderful review, Alie, I'm so chuffed you are still enjoying this story. That is the trouble, when the population overtakes the food factory, people have to go and find the food for themselves. One day it will come, unless this virus kills us all off! Thanks again, dear friend. Stay safe and well. :)) Sandra xxx
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You are so welcome Sandra. Things do look bleak at the moment, but positive things are being discovered and life will get better. Be safe and well, Alie.
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I do hope so. :)
Comment from Benshu-bookgai
The italics for the mental conversations works well as a visual distinction between the thought conversations and verbal conversations--switching back was a good choice.
A couple tweaks for concision/potency: part 7, sentence 1: "The silence stretched out but not in a comfortable way. " to something like "the silence stretched uncomfortably."; paragraph 3, "make a quick getaway for a while" seems a bit clunky, reshuffling of the previous sentence might help with smoothness, e.g. "recognizing the anger in their eyes had saved him many a lecture by giving him a reason to leave until things had calmed down."
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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The italics for the mental conversations works well as a visual distinction between the thought conversations and verbal conversations--switching back was a good choice.
A couple tweaks for concision/potency: part 7, sentence 1: "The silence stretched out but not in a comfortable way. " to something like "the silence stretched uncomfortably."; paragraph 3, "make a quick getaway for a while" seems a bit clunky, reshuffling of the previous sentence might help with smoothness, e.g. "recognizing the anger in their eyes had saved him many a lecture by giving him a reason to leave until things had calmed down."
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hi Benshu, thank you so much for this really helpful review. I do appreciate this. I'm going to copy and past it over to my MS doc's and make those changes. I hate doing large sentence edits on here, I usually miss a word out! I see what you mean about 'clunky' I'll be more aware of that in the future. Thank you again, I hope to see you here again! :)) Stay safe and well. Sandra xxx
Comment from lyenochka
This is a very interesting story! I don't know what happened before but Eric seems to be the only human. And I like the idea that his subconscious contains ancient history that the other beings can retrieve. I think the switching to italics works fine for indicating thought vs. audible communication.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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This is a very interesting story! I don't know what happened before but Eric seems to be the only human. And I like the idea that his subconscious contains ancient history that the other beings can retrieve. I think the switching to italics works fine for indicating thought vs. audible communication.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hi Lyenochka, thank you so much for reading this part, I really appreciate it. This story is about Eric school teacher asking the class to write an essay about whether Atlantis exists or not and the reason for their conclusion. The mermen are the people of Atlantis whose own planet dried up due to the sun drawing their planet into it. Now they've found out the human population is going to explode and endanger them. I've add a short synopsis below about the series. I would love it if you come back for the next part. Big hugs, my friend, and stay safe. :) Sandra xx
Eric is a time traveller thanks to the gifts of Herbie and Gizmo, two alien machines given to Eric by the aliens he'd helped get back to their own planet.
Herbie is more human than machine in his ways, and has learned a lot from Eric, perhaps not all good! An alien drone that can sulk and have a will of his own, yet at the same time is always watching over his human friend. Gizmo is the machine that will take them anywhere Eric wishes to go, just so long as it exists! This machine is also programmed by the aliens to keep Eric safe from harm of any kind. Welcome to book 4 in the series of 'Eric's Epic Adventures.' Oh, Eric is also my grandson!
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Okay, that sounds quite complicated. Will check back again later. Would appreciate what you think of my Widows of Viewmont book.