Echoing Memories of Regret
Free Verse: When You and I Were We47 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Life gets in the way of relationships as obligations intrude and interests diverge. It's the melancholy memories of a more certain time that keep us grounded...remind us of where we started and show how far we've come. We'll done. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Life gets in the way of relationships as obligations intrude and interests diverge. It's the melancholy memories of a more certain time that keep us grounded...remind us of where we started and show how far we've come. We'll done. :) Nancy
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hello Nancy,
So pleased you stopped by.
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review...
Comment from pome lover
I love "when you and I were we."
and I think I understand your overall meaning up to a point.
If I may, I'd like to question the use of the plural of compass when it is prefaced by "You were my first...", and also I was thrown at the end by "unwavering sisterly certitude." Would you mind explaining to this confused reviewer? I would appreciate it. Thank you.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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I love "when you and I were we."
and I think I understand your overall meaning up to a point.
If I may, I'd like to question the use of the plural of compass when it is prefaced by "You were my first...", and also I was thrown at the end by "unwavering sisterly certitude." Would you mind explaining to this confused reviewer? I would appreciate it. Thank you.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hi Katharine,
Thank you for stopping by and the lovely review.
I am addressing two individuals/sisters, with the speaker being the third and youngest. They were the speaker's "compasses." The speaker looked to them to explain, understand, navigate a world that was often too "black and white." Their relationship was...for many years... "unwavering sisterly certitude" until...And the speaker is recalling the memories of those two individuals for whom she greatly loved, but for whom no longer are in her life: "You and I were no longer We."
Hope this helps.
I so appreciate your questions and your excellent review...
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ah! that explains it. thank you for taking the time!
Comment from Janilou
Love the artwork.
Still, I hear the echoing laughter of regret
when memory pays me a visit
bearing a kaleidoscope
of Christmas pine-scented boughs,
summer's wide open meadows,
or magical midnight stories told under a canopy
of Amish quilted comforters piled high
in a make-believe ship that was always headed
due north and beyond, sailing high
upon a starlit sky of imaginative wonder,
and lovingly guided by compasses
of unwavering sisterly certitude...
Well these lines brought tears to my eyes. My sister and I are estranged and nothing I can do seems to bridge that ocean of misunderstanding.
I found no errors or edits needed. A beautiful poem.
Jan
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Love the artwork.
Still, I hear the echoing laughter of regret
when memory pays me a visit
bearing a kaleidoscope
of Christmas pine-scented boughs,
summer's wide open meadows,
or magical midnight stories told under a canopy
of Amish quilted comforters piled high
in a make-believe ship that was always headed
due north and beyond, sailing high
upon a starlit sky of imaginative wonder,
and lovingly guided by compasses
of unwavering sisterly certitude...
Well these lines brought tears to my eyes. My sister and I are estranged and nothing I can do seems to bridge that ocean of misunderstanding.
I found no errors or edits needed. A beautiful poem.
Jan
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hello Jan,
I surely can empathize...
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review...
But! No more tears!
Comment from Michael Steinert
This poem does a very good job of getting a reaction for the reader. I am immediately thrust back into the memory of past loves and what could have been.
You and I
were no longer
We.
Was a perfect transition.
Have a great day!
Mike
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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This poem does a very good job of getting a reaction for the reader. I am immediately thrust back into the memory of past loves and what could have been.
You and I
were no longer
We.
Was a perfect transition.
Have a great day!
Mike
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hello Michael!
So pleased you enjoyed!
Thank you for your excellent rating and complimentary review!
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi anon, like all good writers they leave a mark of recognition in their writing that does not have to be signed. LOL. I find that with this piece of writing. Very descriptive with good interpretation of the passing of time and how two people very close start to part the ways. 'temperaments collided' good use of metaphor. I particularly like the final three lines - 'upon a starlit sky of imaginative wonder, and lovingly guided by upon a starlit sky of imaginative wonder, and lovingly guided by compasses of unwavering sisterly certitude......' - again good metaphor and alliteration used here. A good entry for the contest. Good luck, warm regards Dorothy xx
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hi anon, like all good writers they leave a mark of recognition in their writing that does not have to be signed. LOL. I find that with this piece of writing. Very descriptive with good interpretation of the passing of time and how two people very close start to part the ways. 'temperaments collided' good use of metaphor. I particularly like the final three lines - 'upon a starlit sky of imaginative wonder, and lovingly guided by upon a starlit sky of imaginative wonder, and lovingly guided by compasses of unwavering sisterly certitude......' - again good metaphor and alliteration used here. A good entry for the contest. Good luck, warm regards Dorothy xx
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hello Dorothy!
Shoot!
I even used a smaller font and style... :)
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review.
I have needed to pen this piece for a long time...
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Regret, the emotion that typically follows when a relationship goes from "you and I" to "we". Breaking up can be a very hard thing to do. Well crafted poem captures this notion well and should make an interesting entry into this contest.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Regret, the emotion that typically follows when a relationship goes from "you and I" to "we". Breaking up can be a very hard thing to do. Well crafted poem captures this notion well and should make an interesting entry into this contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hello Brett!
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review.
This was a tough one to pen...
Comment from Deb Kincaid
Lovely poem that captures so much, really, the arc of perhaps a lifetime. Very sweetly related, as if reminiscing and perhaps with a touch of ache. Captured the mood well.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Lovely poem that captures so much, really, the arc of perhaps a lifetime. Very sweetly related, as if reminiscing and perhaps with a touch of ache. Captured the mood well.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hello Deb,
So pleased you enjoyed!
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review...
Comment from ameen786
I'll be surprised if this brilliant verse is not the winner; outstanding poem with meaningful phrases, nice alliteration and great flow; a delightful treat, thank you.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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I'll be surprised if this brilliant verse is not the winner; outstanding poem with meaningful phrases, nice alliteration and great flow; a delightful treat, thank you.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hello Friend,
I am very honored by your exceptional rating and complimentary review of my free verse.
This was a tough one to pen...
Comment from Pamusart
This is a good entry for the contest. This a wonderful and heart wrenching poem. Definitely full of emotion. I loved these metaphors
"never really understood:
white-gloved niceties and
tightly girdled constraints"
You get a virtual six. I am out of them. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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This is a good entry for the contest. This a wonderful and heart wrenching poem. Definitely full of emotion. I loved these metaphors
"never really understood:
white-gloved niceties and
tightly girdled constraints"
You get a virtual six. I am out of them. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Hello Pam,
So very pleased that you enjoyed my offering.
Thank you for the "virtual six" rating and your complimentary review!
Comment from Boogienights
Wow! Great imagery in this poem, it really painted a picture in the mind. I think the emotion of regret is represented well here, your lovely words so carefully crafted are full of longing that things could have been different. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Wow! Great imagery in this poem, it really painted a picture in the mind. I think the emotion of regret is represented well here, your lovely words so carefully crafted are full of longing that things could have been different. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Hello Friend,
So pleased you enjoyed!
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review!