This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "This Time - That Time the Sequel"Veronica is sent back again
43 total reviews
Comment from Porphyry
Hello Miss Sandra,
Admittedly, I went back into this after reading the first part, and much enjoyed all that I read. I think that you handled the characters aptly through the dialog, and the thickening of the plot through a few twists and bends worked quite nicely in keeping the reader's attention. Excellent writing throughout the run.
Po
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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Hello Miss Sandra,
Admittedly, I went back into this after reading the first part, and much enjoyed all that I read. I think that you handled the characters aptly through the dialog, and the thickening of the plot through a few twists and bends worked quite nicely in keeping the reader's attention. Excellent writing throughout the run.
Po
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much, Po, for the lovely 6stars! That was so nice of you to go back and read the earlier parts and I'm delighted you enjoyed the story so far! I really appreciate your thoughts! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks a story about rescuing and caring and nourishing children and how a nurse and motherly treat of children gives happiness, love and care effect at both ends; I liked.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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This speaks a story about rescuing and caring and nourishing children and how a nurse and motherly treat of children gives happiness, love and care effect at both ends; I liked.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much, Alcreator. I'm really glad you liked this part! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from country ranch writer
such a shame for a child to be hidden away as the demon child. her young life now gone who will care for the young one not his father thats for sure
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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such a shame for a child to be hidden away as the demon child. her young life now gone who will care for the young one not his father thats for sure
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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Thank you for your great thoughts on this part. It happened a lot in the past, and still does to this day by some families who don't understand. But, they didn't have Veronica around! Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra xx
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Smiles
Comment from dweigt
Wonderful! I was expecting the child to sense Veronica, but the red eyes are a nice shock at the end. It really makes me wonder where you are going with this, and I'm looking forward to finding out.
There is one spot I wondered about.
It will obviously be changed at some time. -- I'm not sure the tense is right here. The rest of the paragraph is past tense, but "will" is present, but you're a time-traveler in the past talking about the future... well, not the future, but not as far in the past... Hmm. Maybe would be changed in the intervening years. Or maybe leave it as is.
Love it.
Keep Writing!
Dennis
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Wonderful! I was expecting the child to sense Veronica, but the red eyes are a nice shock at the end. It really makes me wonder where you are going with this, and I'm looking forward to finding out.
There is one spot I wondered about.
It will obviously be changed at some time. -- I'm not sure the tense is right here. The rest of the paragraph is past tense, but "will" is present, but you're a time-traveler in the past talking about the future... well, not the future, but not as far in the past... Hmm. Maybe would be changed in the intervening years. Or maybe leave it as is.
Love it.
Keep Writing!
Dennis
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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LOL!! Now I'm confused! That is so funny, I will take a look at that part, but I'm not sure I'll be able to read it without laughing now! Thank you so much for the six stars, Dennis, and the fun review. I loved it! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
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Oops! Obviously "will" is future tense, not present. And it makes sense because it is Veronica's thought. It's fine as written.
Glad you got a chuckle out of my confused rambling. ;-)
BTW, where is the painting of the sleeping woman from?
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Now it's my turn, I forgot to say a thank you to the artist. I found it on Google Images. Finding pictures for this era that fit, takes forever! So, it's lucky I'm in the past looking, by the time I'd found it, I was back in the future!! LOL. xxx
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is an interesting chapter. You balance dialogue and narration very well. The characters are entirely believable. I envy your ability to write without spags.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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This is an interesting chapter. You balance dialogue and narration very well. The characters are entirely believable. I envy your ability to write without spags.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much, Tom, I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from JDRBAR
the top, stood beside a wash area. A plain folding screen showed a dressing robe carelessly thrown over the top. I
be the boy Daveth's father saw. If it was, then why would it matter? (I don't understand the purpose of this sentence, or what it's meant to say) And,
I couldn't help myself, and reached out and stroked the child's back in the same way I would with Michael when he was snu
I moved away as she came over and checked the child was still asleep, then she slumped into the rocking chair and started to sob quietly into her handkerchief.
On hearing the command to enter after she knocked, she opened the door and walked over to stand in front of the man who sat at the desk, who I could only assume was the child's father
I love the story, It is fascinating to say the least. However, the abundance of run-on, or wordy sentences is a distraction to the reader. Most of these need to be split into two or more separate sentences.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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the top, stood beside a wash area. A plain folding screen showed a dressing robe carelessly thrown over the top. I
be the boy Daveth's father saw. If it was, then why would it matter? (I don't understand the purpose of this sentence, or what it's meant to say) And,
I couldn't help myself, and reached out and stroked the child's back in the same way I would with Michael when he was snu
I moved away as she came over and checked the child was still asleep, then she slumped into the rocking chair and started to sob quietly into her handkerchief.
On hearing the command to enter after she knocked, she opened the door and walked over to stand in front of the man who sat at the desk, who I could only assume was the child's father
I love the story, It is fascinating to say the least. However, the abundance of run-on, or wordy sentences is a distraction to the reader. Most of these need to be split into two or more separate sentences.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read this part. I'm so pleased you liked the story. I'll take a look at your suggestions. Thank you for that! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend this is well written once again you build the story adding the characters so naturally drawing the readers in I enjoyed and look forward to the next instalment well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Yes my friend this is well written once again you build the story adding the characters so naturally drawing the readers in I enjoyed and look forward to the next instalment well done regards Jill
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Thank you, my dear friend. It's beginning to take shape now. Veronica has her work cut out now!! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Piercing red eyes - that was unexpected - so dramatic and such a shock for her. What is she going to do?
I'm so pleased you're posting, Sandra - this story is so intriguing, leaving me wanting more. Had I a six it would be yours.
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Piercing red eyes - that was unexpected - so dramatic and such a shock for her. What is she going to do?
I'm so pleased you're posting, Sandra - this story is so intriguing, leaving me wanting more. Had I a six it would be yours.
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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That is the nicest thing you could have said, Margaret, thank you so much. You've made my day! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Compelling, again. The ending was certainly a surprise. I did go back to the white curls and think albino, red eyes appear to be sparkling because of tears. But, in a world of time travel, can lycanthropy be out of the question? Can he see her? Will the nanny run away with him? So, as you can probably tell, I am totally hooked and wait for the next installment, eagerly. - Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Compelling, again. The ending was certainly a surprise. I did go back to the white curls and think albino, red eyes appear to be sparkling because of tears. But, in a world of time travel, can lycanthropy be out of the question? Can he see her? Will the nanny run away with him? So, as you can probably tell, I am totally hooked and wait for the next installment, eagerly. - Wendy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Aha! We will see, lol, you have a lot of questions that need answers to. Thank you so much, Wendy, for this lovely review. I'm delighted you're hooked! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Storyline contains enough high rising action to keep the tale progression.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
Be interesting to see which way you would take the tale.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Storyline contains enough high rising action to keep the tale progression.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
Be interesting to see which way you would take the tale.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Brett, for your lovely review. Veronica has a lot to sort out this time. :) Sandra xxx