Comment from davisr (Rhonda)

Excellent

The amazing story continues as Doctrex/Pondria end a romantic encounter and begin to discuss their future.
Unfortunately, Axtilla has a vision from Kyre, and she's not happy with what she is asked to do.
I have a feeling there are more of us who will share her sentiments, and wish they had gone on off together to live in a cottage.
You have left of with quite a challenging cliff hanger here!
Until next time,
Rhonda

 Comment Written 19-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Thank you, Rhonda. Glad to have you reading this. Not that many chapters left. Hope to have you till it ends.

reply by davisr (Rhonda) on 20-May-2016

I've been with you on it for quite a while. I like the way you sort of summarized things in this last chapter...the memory does tend to lag...

Comment from candyfink

Excellent

You are a very intelligent writer.....even if the reader is behind, you are descriptive in the characters....... it helps to fill in the gaps......

 Comment Written 19-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

THanks, Candybarr. The jury's out on the intelligent, but the main thing is that you enjoyed this. Thanks.

Comment from Naham Mills

Excellent

I don't like to think of suicide but... the language you use to do so was intriguing. The structure is flawless by my eye. The content was amazing and I can't wait to see more of your work. Keep it up

 Comment Written 19-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

I am always thrilled to have someone enter my novel through a near-end door and is still wanting to read the remaining chapters. Thanks, my friend.

Comment from Ulla

Exceptional

Hi Jay, here goes my last six and it is appropriate that it should go to this extraordinarily well written chapter. I wonder what is happening with Axtilla. Kyre must have said something that makes her take her leave. I feel the danger is closing in. This whole tale is fascinating. I Love it. All the best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 19-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Ah, that Kyre! Thanks, Ulla, for the six and for your kind words. You are an appreciated addition to my writing.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

The best laid plans often fall in awry. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Hey, Charlie, thanks again for your kind words.

Comment from marion

Exceptional

Hi Jay
Now this is an exceptionally written chapter ... no over writing, good sentence structure, gripping, readers interest maintained, all the elements of a good chapter. I wasn't over complicated within the read with too many words interrupting the flow, like I can sometimes be when reading a chapter. Good stuff! Marion.

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Marion, a six from you makes me feel proud of what I've done. Thanks, dear, for reading and for your generous remarks.

Comment from Walter L. Jones

Exceptional

to be or not to be, ah yes, the gift given taken and remembered, always the writer and more, good stuff, waiting the end, but where will it be, can not wait more in smiles than anything else..Walt

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Walter ... what are you going to do when this ends? I figure about five more chapters. I have to learn what to do without getting regular sixes. LOL, you are always appreciated.

Comment from lancellot

Exceptional

Good chapter. Don't you hate having serious conversations with a naked woman? I have feeling that she is right. To bad he fell for the old glass of water trick.

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Many thanks, Lance, for the six, of course, but for your kind and generous words. Ha! The glass of water trick. I think I'll work on that for the final edit. I think Pondria dropped a few IQ points not to figure it out. "Duh! You thirsty? Sure. Let me get so totally involved with the pouring that you can tiptoe to the door." THanks, Lance.

Comment from Gert sherwood

Exceptional

Hello Jay I read in anxiety wafting for Axtilla's answer to Pondra's pleading request,
so glad she agreed to heed to his wishes.

Here are a few place I hesitated on-

I cradled Axtilla in my arm, her hair tickling my cheek delightfully and strands of it coiling to nest on my chest. We had tasted the fullest measure of pleasure, not just once, but three times, with one shared glass of water during the briefest of intermissions before the last. I grinned up at the ceiling, my jaws near cramping. Even the creatures there were benign, perhaps entertained.

I glanced at the frog, the very one(( who'd )) (which had) swallowed Percy,


No, no! You know General Doctrex didn't jump. He had fallen from his ((crossan ))
(crossing)


Jay, does the following seem to be Fragmented
words are an incomplete thought be considered to chang this thought into a complete sentence by adding a subject or a verb or combining this text with another sentence?

. And I'll have your meal waiting ... and we can go to bed afterwards and ... and make love--"0

"What about Kyre?" I asked evenly.

Gert

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Thanks, Gert, for the six (which I don't feel I earned, given your concerns--but don't ask for it back! LOL)

I'll check into the which/who about the frog. Generally "which" would be used for inanimate, "who" for animate.

"Crossan" is the name for an animal similar to a horse.

For dialogue I tend to use more incomplete, or fragmented sentences since people rarely talk in complete sentences.

Whether it's a six or five or even four, I appreciate your involvement with the story.

reply by Gert sherwood on 20-May-2016

Jay of course I won't even think of taking your six rating back
The reason for the six 'cause I liked the fantasy mystery and the drama .

Gert

Comment from krprice

Excellent

Excellent post, even though it was longer than usual.

Is Axtilla going to foul everything up, wanting to just flee? I look forward to seeing how you conclude this trilogy.

Karlene

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Thanks, Karlene. So happy you got wrapped up in the action here. I think Kyre may have something to do with it.