Comment from lightink

Excellent

Awww! Congratulations! It's becoming a very "adult" relationship ;) with the age of 21!
This is an extremely beautiful love poem, and I'm always delighted to read love poems that are not a result of the first sudden spark but an ongoing steady fire!
Such incredible wording!
I love this slow motion effect here:
"The day progressed, but time
Stopped when the first cork popped.
As silent as a mime -"

The only suggestion I have is editing related:
A few empty lines after the last line of the poem would add a bit of a black frame to the poem, which I think would be visually pleasing...
The poem is perfect as it is ;)!

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Hi Jyoti:

We'll be at 25 years together this fall lol Thank you for the editing suggestions, all completed :) It will look good when I print it out for him. I'm thinking of putting several that I've written in a book for our anniversary.

I appreciate the lovely comments.

Kim

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written poem. Twenty one years is a lifetime together. Congratulations and have a wonderful anniversary. You both have an enduring love for each other.

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Hi Sandra:

This fall it will be 25 years together and, of course, 21 married on May 7th. I appreciate the lovely comments. :) Thanks for taking the time to read and review.

Kim

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

This is a poignant and well written love song. It is a good gift to your husband on your anniversary. Congratulations on 21 years. It seems this marriage will last many more.

My 30th wedding anniversary is on June 1st.

Keep writing

dragonpoet

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Hi dragonpoet,

30 years is an amazing accomplishment! Thank you for the lovely comments.

Kim

reply by dragonpoet on 26-Apr-2016

You're well on your way there. No problem.

Joan

Comment from ARCurry

Good

Well done. I'll admit, reading "I saw myself instead", had me feeling like the poem was going to have a dark turn, but it did not, thankfully. I congratulate you on 21 years of marriage, and wish nothing but the best.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Hi ARCurry,

Your comments are lovely but the rating puzzled me. Did you have any suggestions for improvement, the rating suggests you might. If not, thanks for taking the time to read and review and have a great day!

Kim