THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "The Grand Performance For Kyre?"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
35 total reviews
Comment from Walter L. Jones
My dear friend, you added more than a smile and story, but a trip.
Nancy Sinatra - Some Velvet Morning lyrics
Lee:
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
I'm gonna open up your gate
And maybe tell you 'bout Phaedra
And how she gave me life
And how she made it end
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
Nancy:
Flowers growing on the hill
Dragonflies and daffodils
Learn from us very much
Look at us but do not touch
Phaedra is my name
Lee:
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
I'm gonna open up your gate
And maybe tell you 'bout Phaedra
And how she gave me life
And how she made it in
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
Nancy:
Flowers are the things we knew
Secrets are the things we grew
Learn from us very much
Look at us but do not touch
Phaedra is my name
Lee:
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
Nancy:
Flowers growing on the hill
Lee:
I'm gonna open up your gate
Nancy:
Dragonflies and daffodils
Lee:
And maybe tell you 'bout Phaedra
Nancy:
Learn from us very much
Lee:
And how she gave me life
Nancy:
Look at us but do not touch
Lee:
And how she made it in
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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My dear friend, you added more than a smile and story, but a trip.
Nancy Sinatra - Some Velvet Morning lyrics
Lee:
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
I'm gonna open up your gate
And maybe tell you 'bout Phaedra
And how she gave me life
And how she made it end
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
Nancy:
Flowers growing on the hill
Dragonflies and daffodils
Learn from us very much
Look at us but do not touch
Phaedra is my name
Lee:
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
I'm gonna open up your gate
And maybe tell you 'bout Phaedra
And how she gave me life
And how she made it in
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
Nancy:
Flowers are the things we knew
Secrets are the things we grew
Learn from us very much
Look at us but do not touch
Phaedra is my name
Lee:
Some velvet morning when I'm straight
Nancy:
Flowers growing on the hill
Lee:
I'm gonna open up your gate
Nancy:
Dragonflies and daffodils
Lee:
And maybe tell you 'bout Phaedra
Nancy:
Learn from us very much
Lee:
And how she gave me life
Nancy:
Look at us but do not touch
Lee:
And how she made it in
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Happy to see you tripped on this, Walter. Also that it dredged up the connection with a song that is one of my old favorites. It is one of the few songs I like by Nancy Sinatra and one of several she did with Lee (Greenfield?--something like that.) Walter, your sixes are always a dollop of joy to me. Thank you.
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Lee Hazelwood , i never cared much for either, the three albums they did together were very special, more because of Lee's ability to write and produce, summer wine, lady bird, jackson, there was a joy in music & lyric, Walt
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I enjoyed this more than most. It explained a lot of things because I wasn't sure about Doctrex's true identity. Now it seems he is definitely Pondria. You're superb writing always entertains, Jay, Giddy
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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I enjoyed this more than most. It explained a lot of things because I wasn't sure about Doctrex's true identity. Now it seems he is definitely Pondria. You're superb writing always entertains, Jay, Giddy
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Yes, I tried to solidify his image as Pondria with this chapter, and let it be known than Axtilla's God Kyre had a hand in pondria's new identity. Thanks, so much for reading, Giddy.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Jay I'm a bit confused now are you having DOCTREX narrating his sensual thoughts about AXTILLA?
Why I ask from what you wrote in the beginning
too many times to count after that, she visited my dreams as I slept in my tent--in General Doctrex's tent.
Smiles Jay I versioned well with your expertise of writing
Gert
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Hi Jay I'm a bit confused now are you having DOCTREX narrating his sensual thoughts about AXTILLA?
Why I ask from what you wrote in the beginning
too many times to count after that, she visited my dreams as I slept in my tent--in General Doctrex's tent.
Smiles Jay I versioned well with your expertise of writing
Gert
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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It's complicated, Gert. He's been Doctrex a lot longer than he's been Pondria. It's natural he would slip up and call it "his" tent instead of "Doctrex's. Glad you enjoyed it to the extent of awarding it a 6. Thanks much for that.
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Thank you for explaining Jay
Gert
Comment from Ulla
This is excellent writing as always, Jay. You are truly talented that way. But at times my mind wander, none of your fault, but mine all together. It's like listening to a beautiful piece of classical music and your mind wander. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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This is excellent writing as always, Jay. You are truly talented that way. But at times my mind wander, none of your fault, but mine all together. It's like listening to a beautiful piece of classical music and your mind wander. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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I do understand, Ulla, about the wandering minds. Hopefully by the end of the chapter you're humming the right tune.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your descriptions brought your character to life. I could help but saying as I read, "Doctrex, you're way over thinking this." LOL But then again, we know he has to. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Your descriptions brought your character to life. I could help but saying as I read, "Doctrex, you're way over thinking this." LOL But then again, we know he has to. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Well ... It was Pondria, who's having a hard time remembering he's not Doctrex. And he's not technically over thinking it, but Kyre is messing up his motivation.
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work, Jay! I am grabbing at straws here, but was the General a different person and Pondria takes him over?
"Do--do you feel him here?" She asked.' You know the rule.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Nice work, Jay! I am grabbing at straws here, but was the General a different person and Pondria takes him over?
"Do--do you feel him here?" She asked.' You know the rule.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Hey, Russell. For someone just beginning in Book 3 it is difficult to explain. That was the reason I re-posted the three chapters from Book 2, that explained Doctrex's transition into Pondria. So you grabbed a pretty good straw. Thanks for reading.
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Hey, I almost forgot. You use whooof to described the beating of wings. I would suggest whoosh.
I released another chapter piece. It will not appear in your inbox.
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Hey, why won't it show in my inbox? That's bizarre.
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Hey, Jay. I previously released this back in November, unpromoted. I got all the way to chapter nine before I realized this wasn't the right way to go.
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Got it downloaded, Russell. Will actually read it later today.
Comment from CEO2020
Your writing skill is awesome to me. Ex. "Sinking back to the chair, I could only gawp at her as she reached the bed and lingered there, her back to me, the fingers of both hands spread, and their tips settled on the surface of the blankets as softly as spider legs."
I love the imagery - especially "...as softly as spider legs."
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Your writing skill is awesome to me. Ex. "Sinking back to the chair, I could only gawp at her as she reached the bed and lingered there, her back to me, the fingers of both hands spread, and their tips settled on the surface of the blankets as softly as spider legs."
I love the imagery - especially "...as softly as spider legs."
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I anguished over the description. Too many people think it was dashed off with ease. Not so. I'm happy you enjoyed the finished product.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh goodness, the heat! If a kiss is causing her to swoon... As always,Jay, marvelous. I really am out of ways to describe what I read of this anymore because I still haven't the whole picture (me, not you), but it's so polished, so pro! (Still not my first choice in reading though - give me a good thriller...LOL)
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Oh goodness, the heat! If a kiss is causing her to swoon... As always,Jay, marvelous. I really am out of ways to describe what I read of this anymore because I still haven't the whole picture (me, not you), but it's so polished, so pro! (Still not my first choice in reading though - give me a good thriller...LOL)
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Well, I'm the one who's thrilled that you enjoyed reading this. And for the six! Thanks, Dawn. you're da bomb!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a really good chapter, Jay. You must be nearing the end. Is there to be a book 4? You cover the emotional aspects of this meeting very well, and how he had to become one. How many of us are really whole people, the same to all? Okay, now I'm getting philosophical, but I think many of us aren't sure who we are at times. Enough of that. I think I saw you had something else posted, but I didn't get a notification about it. I'll have to check. Have a good week, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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This is a really good chapter, Jay. You must be nearing the end. Is there to be a book 4? You cover the emotional aspects of this meeting very well, and how he had to become one. How many of us are really whole people, the same to all? Okay, now I'm getting philosophical, but I think many of us aren't sure who we are at times. Enough of that. I think I saw you had something else posted, but I didn't get a notification about it. I'll have to check. Have a good week, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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So happy you enjoyed this chapter. A lot of readers had some troubles with it. If there wasn't the suggestion of some sexual action, most wouldn't have gotten through the first paragraph.
Comment from Word Junkie
Hi Jay,
This is fantastic, very solid writing. Many a writer would be unable to restrain him- or herself when it comes to the sex scene, but you paced the scene perfectly, using narrative and dialogue to build upon sexual tension. Well done!
One sentence you might want to look at:
"Y-yes." I cocked my head and smiled at her, the corner of my mouth lifting in a bemused smile.
I didn't know if smile/smile was intentional, or an oversight.
Write on my friend,
Lana
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Hi Jay,
This is fantastic, very solid writing. Many a writer would be unable to restrain him- or herself when it comes to the sex scene, but you paced the scene perfectly, using narrative and dialogue to build upon sexual tension. Well done!
One sentence you might want to look at:
"Y-yes." I cocked my head and smiled at her, the corner of my mouth lifting in a bemused smile.
I didn't know if smile/smile was intentional, or an oversight.
Write on my friend,
Lana
Comment Written 24-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Thanks, Lana, for reading this. So pleased you enjoyed it. I'll have to check that out. If I used smiled/smile twice in a sentence, that's not good. Thanks for pointing it out.