THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "The All-Nighter"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
43 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Oh, you tease. I like the nervousness Doctrex has in her presence. I'm glad they are finally together but I'm nervous about their encountet. Will they get caught. Too many questions are left unanswered. Good lead up chapter. Gretchen
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Oh, you tease. I like the nervousness Doctrex has in her presence. I'm glad they are finally together but I'm nervous about their encountet. Will they get caught. Too many questions are left unanswered. Good lead up chapter. Gretchen
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Don't forget it's officially not Doctrex any more. It's Pondria. But thanks again for your continued interest in my stories.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Jay. Great chapter in your well-plotted story. Lots of good description such as these:
"Before I could put on my trousers and shirt, a phlegm-incrusted baritone voice announced through the door that he was the locksmith."
And:"She glanced over her shoulder. "Well, I'm in. You have your orders." (These things seem small...but all in all they make a clear picture for the reader, Jay.)
And: "....., and began her slow movement behind me trailing her fingertips across my left shoulder, and arousing an involuntary shudder as they invaded the sensitive hairs at the base of my neck, crossing then to my right shoulder, where she slowed to give it a tantalizing squeeze." (This sentence is a run-on, but the imagery is very effective)
Suggestions: "hexagonal nails he drove into each corner of the back-plate did their job." Try: hexigonal nails driven into each corner etc....."
Bravo! Good job, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi, Jay. Great chapter in your well-plotted story. Lots of good description such as these:
"Before I could put on my trousers and shirt, a phlegm-incrusted baritone voice announced through the door that he was the locksmith."
And:"She glanced over her shoulder. "Well, I'm in. You have your orders." (These things seem small...but all in all they make a clear picture for the reader, Jay.)
And: "....., and began her slow movement behind me trailing her fingertips across my left shoulder, and arousing an involuntary shudder as they invaded the sensitive hairs at the base of my neck, crossing then to my right shoulder, where she slowed to give it a tantalizing squeeze." (This sentence is a run-on, but the imagery is very effective)
Suggestions: "hexagonal nails he drove into each corner of the back-plate did their job." Try: hexigonal nails driven into each corner etc....."
Bravo! Good job, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thanks, Bob. Dang! That was a run on, wasn't it? I chastise others for doing that. I leave no survivors if they do it the second time. I even send them links (rubbing their noses in it) that explain the run-on. Oh jeeze...
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LOL....No sweat, my friend. :) Bob
Comment from Walter L. Jones
as the day dims, the smile grows, the writer pushes the pen and adds a bit to the day, and I reach out, enjoy the story, looking for a place to rest my mind, another place to escape to, your skill makes my day more, thank you, Walt
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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as the day dims, the smile grows, the writer pushes the pen and adds a bit to the day, and I reach out, enjoy the story, looking for a place to rest my mind, another place to escape to, your skill makes my day more, thank you, Walt
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Walter, I think if you were my only reader, I'd feel redeemed. I appreciate you more than you know. Thanks for the six also, Whoa!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay what is going on every thing that is being done for DOCTREX to me seems too prefect make me feel leery of something not good is going to take place.
I like how your have Axtilla playing her part so well to tempt Doctrex into a trap
Gert
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hello Jay what is going on every thing that is being done for DOCTREX to me seems too prefect make me feel leery of something not good is going to take place.
I like how your have Axtilla playing her part so well to tempt Doctrex into a trap
Gert
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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You're not the first one to think that Axtilla is trying to trap Pondria (not Doctrex any more). We'll just have to see. Thanks for the six lovely stars.
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You are welcome Jay.
Gert
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work on the part of the story. I was anticipating more, but this is a great set-up piece. As always, good descriptions throughout.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Nice work on the part of the story. I was anticipating more, but this is a great set-up piece. As always, good descriptions throughout.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Ha! I know what you're talkin' about, you naughty boy. Thanks for the great rating anyhow!
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Come now, Jay. An 'All-Nighter', one could hardly blame me, really.
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Hahaha, the classic P T
Comment from Dawn Munro
I could have sworn I reviewed this already, but what can I say? I'm getting old...I think I might have left to write that other review after I read it...(LOL)
Jay, I sound like a broken record in my reviews of this book I think, but the thing is, there's only so much one can say. This is not even a genre I like, but I'm still returning to read more and my biggest regret is that I wasn't reading from the beginning! :))
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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I could have sworn I reviewed this already, but what can I say? I'm getting old...I think I might have left to write that other review after I read it...(LOL)
Jay, I sound like a broken record in my reviews of this book I think, but the thing is, there's only so much one can say. This is not even a genre I like, but I'm still returning to read more and my biggest regret is that I wasn't reading from the beginning! :))
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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You are always so sweet in your reviews, Dawn. So much so that MY biggest regret is you weren't here for m the beginning. Thanks for being you.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very well written chapter, my friend. Everything seems to be working out as planned--at least so far. As always, I am looking forward to the next chapter. Have a good week my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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A very well written chapter, my friend. Everything seems to be working out as planned--at least so far. As always, I am looking forward to the next chapter. Have a good week my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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THank you, Debbie. I appreciate your reading this.
Comment from write hand blue
I enjoyed this Jay, you have described magnificently the interaction between the characters. The story and the descriptions are awesome. The reader feels as if they are there, with a compulsion to read to the end. I wonder what the next chapter brings.
I really cannot find any criticism for this fantasy story.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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I enjoyed this Jay, you have described magnificently the interaction between the characters. The story and the descriptions are awesome. The reader feels as if they are there, with a compulsion to read to the end. I wonder what the next chapter brings.
I really cannot find any criticism for this fantasy story.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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Many thanks, Mel. Glad you're planning to be around for the end. Your six stars is appreciated.
Comment from Curly Girly
This is a great description:
Her ankle-length, powdery pink gown probably hadn't been chosen for the wedding. The neckline dipped below the slow rise-and-fall of her upper breasts, and a midnight-blue locket, hanging from a gold chain, lay against one white mound, the bottom of it hidden beneath the shadowed mysteries below the neckline. A darker pink sash encircled her waist, and the ends of it cascaded down from where it was knotted in front.
And it seems to me as if a lusty romp might be planned!
Let's hope those pesky servants don't return.
Nicole
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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This is a great description:
Her ankle-length, powdery pink gown probably hadn't been chosen for the wedding. The neckline dipped below the slow rise-and-fall of her upper breasts, and a midnight-blue locket, hanging from a gold chain, lay against one white mound, the bottom of it hidden beneath the shadowed mysteries below the neckline. A darker pink sash encircled her waist, and the ends of it cascaded down from where it was knotted in front.
And it seems to me as if a lusty romp might be planned!
Let's hope those pesky servants don't return.
Nicole
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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Thanks, Nicole. I had the hardest time describing her gown. Such an unmanly thing,lol. So good to have you read and kindly review. And, Lordy, the six stars!
Comment from Sis Cat
I still don't trust Axtilla. Seems like a black widow's wedding is coming. You paint well the scenes of preparations and Doctrex request for a new lock. I am amazed by the number of servants and apprehensive. It is like they are preparing him for a sacrifice. Yes, she is unarmed, but was her hair searched? There are so many ways to hide weapons.
I enjoyed the details of this chapter. They are vivid and create a cinematic effect as I see your story unfold. You also capture well people's moods and emotions. This makes me feel apprehensive that things are not what they seem.
Thank you for sharing your inventive work.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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I still don't trust Axtilla. Seems like a black widow's wedding is coming. You paint well the scenes of preparations and Doctrex request for a new lock. I am amazed by the number of servants and apprehensive. It is like they are preparing him for a sacrifice. Yes, she is unarmed, but was her hair searched? There are so many ways to hide weapons.
I enjoyed the details of this chapter. They are vivid and create a cinematic effect as I see your story unfold. You also capture well people's moods and emotions. This makes me feel apprehensive that things are not what they seem.
Thank you for sharing your inventive work.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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HOw about the comb? Is it plastic. Are the ends of it dipped in poison? Ah-ha! Thanks, Andre. Just red herrings I'm tossing out. Bless you for the six stars.