Shepherd
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Of Death"poems inspired by Psalm 23
37 total reviews
Comment from jaho58
This is well-crafted--the message beautifully encapsulated in a few musical lines.
Adheres to structure; great rhythm but I do offer two suggestions--
The internal rhyme is almost lost in this line: 'I came to save you from the grave.' it would please the ear more as 'for you I'll save from the grave'
I also think the last line would read smoother without the comma.
Thank you for this reminder of hope!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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This is well-crafted--the message beautifully encapsulated in a few musical lines.
Adheres to structure; great rhythm but I do offer two suggestions--
The internal rhyme is almost lost in this line: 'I came to save you from the grave.' it would please the ear more as 'for you I'll save from the grave'
I also think the last line would read smoother without the comma.
Thank you for this reminder of hope!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thank you for the kind comments about the writing and the five stars. I appreciate it.
Comment from krys123
Debi;
- you remarkably fit the requirements for this type of format of a tri-quatrain.
you internal and external rhyming words were contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm the flow smoothly and being that been rhyming was neither forced nor labored was helpful in making the rhythm flow just as well.
- rhythmic meter was iambic tetrameter followed by six syllables per line or hextameter which is in the format of a trochee rhythmic pattern. also with the rhythmic cadence, timing and tempo your reading was clear, fluid and easy.
- I enjoyed the concept very well in the picture that you have chosen was very relative, complementary and appropriate for this poem.
- thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Debi;
- you remarkably fit the requirements for this type of format of a tri-quatrain.
you internal and external rhyming words were contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm the flow smoothly and being that been rhyming was neither forced nor labored was helpful in making the rhythm flow just as well.
- rhythmic meter was iambic tetrameter followed by six syllables per line or hextameter which is in the format of a trochee rhythmic pattern. also with the rhythmic cadence, timing and tempo your reading was clear, fluid and easy.
- I enjoyed the concept very well in the picture that you have chosen was very relative, complementary and appropriate for this poem.
- thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Hi Alex,
Thank you for the excellent review. I wasn't going for any specific meter since the form allows any meter. I appreciate the details and am pleased you enjoyed it.
Debi
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you are very welcome Debi,
Alex
Comment from Glasstruth
Spiritually up lifting. Death to to a human being is the greatest sacrifice, and in this case it was a gift of love. Reads well. Wonderfully. Les
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Spiritually up lifting. Death to to a human being is the greatest sacrifice, and in this case it was a gift of love. Reads well. Wonderfully. Les
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Hi Les,
Thank you for the encouraging review. I appreciate your comments and insights on the theme.
Debi
Comment from Pantygynt
An intriguing form. I like internal rhyme and this regularizes it and incorporates in into the overal form where normally it is an occasional thing, an addition to the rest of a poem. I like this a lot.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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An intriguing form. I like internal rhyme and this regularizes it and incorporates in into the overal form where normally it is an occasional thing, an addition to the rest of a poem. I like this a lot.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thank you for the great comments and the insights about internal rhyming. I had not thought about the fact it is mostly occasional. This form does regulate it. I am happy to hear you liked the poem. Thank you!
Comment from Word Doctor Carson Volk
A short and sweet expression of your religious beliefs. Eloquently executed, if I say so myself.
Thank you for sharing this great piece relating to your beliefs.
Have a wonderful day.
With gratitude and respect,
Your friend and colleague,
Word Doctor Carson Volk
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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A short and sweet expression of your religious beliefs. Eloquently executed, if I say so myself.
Thank you for sharing this great piece relating to your beliefs.
Have a wonderful day.
With gratitude and respect,
Your friend and colleague,
Word Doctor Carson Volk
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thank you for the excellent rating and encouraging comments. I appreciate you stopping by to read and review.
Comment from jmdg1954
Debi, I don't write poetry, though I've tried in tn the past. This form, triquatrain seems like one I'd give a go at.
Your poem about death and ressurection I thought was well executed and perfect for this form. Nicely done, John
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Debi, I don't write poetry, though I've tried in tn the past. This form, triquatrain seems like one I'd give a go at.
Your poem about death and ressurection I thought was well executed and perfect for this form. Nicely done, John
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Hi John,
Thank you for the kind comment about the poem and the theme. I appreciate it.
The form is pretty open since it does not require any set meter, syllable count or length. Just write in quatrains with lines 1 & 3 having internal rhymes and then lines 2 & 4 rhyme with each other in each stanza. Have fun!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Debi! What a well executed poem about death and the resurrection. A gift from our Savior to us. A new form for me to try out. Love the internal rhyme. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Debi! What a well executed poem about death and the resurrection. A gift from our Savior to us. A new form for me to try out. Love the internal rhyme. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Hi Nancy,
Thank you so much for the beautiful six stars! You make my day! I appreciate the comments about the writing. It means a lot coming from you. Thank you for sharing your insights on the topic, too.
Good luck trying out the form. I look forward to reading it.
Comment from Joy Graham
Oooooh! I'm liking this poetry form. Where did you find it? It's short enough to have enough rhymes to work with. I'm going to try it one of these days.
Nice meter. I like the 8/6/8/6 syllable scheme. Nice to see the rhymes change up so a variety may be used.
I like your theme. It's short enough to be straight to the point. My attention didn't have a chance to get lost. I enjoy meaningful devotional poems that don't go overboard.
You got a six rating from me for the excitement of bringing a fun new poetry form to my attention :)
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Oooooh! I'm liking this poetry form. Where did you find it? It's short enough to have enough rhymes to work with. I'm going to try it one of these days.
Nice meter. I like the 8/6/8/6 syllable scheme. Nice to see the rhymes change up so a variety may be used.
I like your theme. It's short enough to be straight to the point. My attention didn't have a chance to get lost. I enjoy meaningful devotional poems that don't go overboard.
You got a six rating from me for the excitement of bringing a fun new poetry form to my attention :)
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Hi Joy,
Thank you for the six stars! It makes my day!
I saw another poet on the site use the form. I wish I could remember the name, but it caught my eye and I had to try it. The form has not restriction on length or meter or so it has quite a bit of freedom. The only restrictions are the internal rhymes on lines 1 & 3 of each stanza and then the other two lines rhyming with each other.
Have fun! And thank you again for the six!
Debi
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I found the form on shadowpoetry.com :)
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Yes, I go there a lot. It's a great site for finding forms. I'm sure I'll read yours later. :)
Comment from Z4NEY
Such a lovely poem I enjoyed the read such a true story and sad. I loved the way you wrote it too the rhyming was brilliant. The artwork complemented it too. Brilliant writing
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Such a lovely poem I enjoyed the read such a true story and sad. I loved the way you wrote it too the rhyming was brilliant. The artwork complemented it too. Brilliant writing
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thank you for the kind review and gracious comments about the writing. I appreciate you stopping by to read and review.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Debi, this poem is lovely. Those internal rhymes make such a difference to the flow of the work. It reads well and the words are lovely, with a very nice display. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Debi, this poem is lovely. Those internal rhymes make such a difference to the flow of the work. It reads well and the words are lovely, with a very nice display. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Hi Dorothy,
Thank you for the gracious comments about the poem and the writing. I am pleased that you enjoyed it. Thank you for stopping by to review.
Debi