THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "No Love Like Brother Love"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
29 total reviews
Comment from redrocklover
Oh, my goodness, what is Pondria up to??? Can't wait to find out. You certainly know how to leave a reader hanging and wanting to read more. Another excellently crafted piece.
Blessings,
Linda
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Oh, my goodness, what is Pondria up to??? Can't wait to find out. You certainly know how to leave a reader hanging and wanting to read more. Another excellently crafted piece.
Blessings,
Linda
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Linda. Some big surprises around the corner. Glad you've hopped aboard.
Comment from krprice
"Five days ago...eyes. . .Suggest change to gaze.
I looked away. . . I brought. . . I gazed back at him.
Brother!. . . You figure. . . Amy. . . Should be Army.
Check punctuation on series of words, clauses, and phrases.
Good chapter.
Karlene
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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"Five days ago...eyes. . .Suggest change to gaze.
I looked away. . . I brought. . . I gazed back at him.
Brother!. . . You figure. . . Amy. . . Should be Army.
Check punctuation on series of words, clauses, and phrases.
Good chapter.
Karlene
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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THanks for the huge catch with the Kabeezan Amy. I'm sure all those soldiers would like an Amy though. It's all fixed.
Also on the places where you suggest gaze. If you knew how I try to balance "gaze" with "look" with "turned eyes to" and probably a dozen more devises. I try to balance their overuse. I'll certainly check those two instances, though.
Comment from ciliverde
Ah, I thought at first that this would be an update on the tale of you and your brother :)
Instead, we're treated to a tense, interesting dialogue between Doctrex/Pondria and Rhuether. How fascinating that they are supposed to have been conjoined twins, separated -- I should have read the character description before reading the chapter. I was mystified at the story of the matching scars. Still puzzled as to why Pondria's scar has healed faster than Rhuether's -- unless he's not really Pondria at all.
Your dialogue continues to be excellent, very natural, and really intriguing to follow the game going on between these two.
Carol
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Ah, I thought at first that this would be an update on the tale of you and your brother :)
Instead, we're treated to a tense, interesting dialogue between Doctrex/Pondria and Rhuether. How fascinating that they are supposed to have been conjoined twins, separated -- I should have read the character description before reading the chapter. I was mystified at the story of the matching scars. Still puzzled as to why Pondria's scar has healed faster than Rhuether's -- unless he's not really Pondria at all.
Your dialogue continues to be excellent, very natural, and really intriguing to follow the game going on between these two.
Carol
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hey, Carol. It'll take a few chapters of this to get a handle on it. It's the third part of a long trilogy. There's only so much I can do in way of a summary. I'm just pleased you're giving it a chance, and I hope you'll be on the journey for the long haul.
Comment from MissMerri
You are a marvelous storyteller, but I may have told you that before. You handle dialogue extremely well, making it sound so natural and always true to each character's personality. You manage intriguing plots and keep the reader guessing and wanting more. You are an excellent editor and I rarely find anything to "correct" or change. I am not sure about the sentence below, but wanted to call it to your attention, just in case.
*** I waited until he returned a nervous glance (in?) my direction, (Not sure if the "in" is needed, but it just sounded odd to me without it.)
Other than that, I could find nothing else to even question. Well done!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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You are a marvelous storyteller, but I may have told you that before. You handle dialogue extremely well, making it sound so natural and always true to each character's personality. You manage intriguing plots and keep the reader guessing and wanting more. You are an excellent editor and I rarely find anything to "correct" or change. I am not sure about the sentence below, but wanted to call it to your attention, just in case.
*** I waited until he returned a nervous glance (in?) my direction, (Not sure if the "in" is needed, but it just sounded odd to me without it.)
Other than that, I could find nothing else to even question. Well done!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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MissMerri, now you have every right to say, Jay, you screwed up again. There needs to be an "in" there. How'd that slip by? I'll take care of it and thank you for being here for me.
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Happy to help, any time. ;p
Comment from royowen
Great progress in this mythical/fantasy tale of the trining. I never knew what it meant until now. The characters are coming together, Doctrex is Pondria, come back to life in the form of Doctrex, although in a literary sense I'm not acquainted with Axtilla, things are panning out, it appears that Glnot Reuther is at the mercy of the fate affecting his brother, they will also affect him! Well done, Jay, good scribing, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Great progress in this mythical/fantasy tale of the trining. I never knew what it meant until now. The characters are coming together, Doctrex is Pondria, come back to life in the form of Doctrex, although in a literary sense I'm not acquainted with Axtilla, things are panning out, it appears that Glnot Reuther is at the mercy of the fate affecting his brother, they will also affect him! Well done, Jay, good scribing, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Roy. I'm happy you're enjoying this. Many turns and changes ahead. BLEssings, Jay
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Jay I vive you a six because you have a tricky way of getting me darn confused with this chapter.
It's like putting together a puzzle
Guess I'm not very good at
But I'm going to figure out what is going on.
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hi Jay I vive you a six because you have a tricky way of getting me darn confused with this chapter.
It's like putting together a puzzle
Guess I'm not very good at
But I'm going to figure out what is going on.
Gert
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hey, Gert. Don't forget how long this story is. A lot has happened to the characters. Don't try too hard. It'll come. Thanks for staying here.
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Thank you Jay I will get things stragiht .
Gert
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, the reason Glnot is in such a position of power and inspire such a deep seated fear in his people is becoming a lot clearer. As you answer some questions for the readers, new ones emerge. A sign of a great story teller.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hmm, the reason Glnot is in such a position of power and inspire such a deep seated fear in his people is becoming a lot clearer. As you answer some questions for the readers, new ones emerge. A sign of a great story teller.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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THanks, Lance. I don't know exactly where this is going, but as long as it follows the organic structure of each character, it shouldn't go too far afield.
Comment from write hand blue
I must confess I was confused at first wondering where the lifeguard and winking boss had gone. Then I realised that the scenery had changed and we were in an alien world (I think) but then it could be another dimension. Not to worry, it could also be the cider I'm imbibing at the moment in lei of my usual medicine. (eye of a newt, tail/tale of a cat etc) LOL
It all seems well written in your own interesting way. Forgive me if I'm not up to speed on this excellent tale. I shall try in future to delve deeper.
:) Mel.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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I must confess I was confused at first wondering where the lifeguard and winking boss had gone. Then I realised that the scenery had changed and we were in an alien world (I think) but then it could be another dimension. Not to worry, it could also be the cider I'm imbibing at the moment in lei of my usual medicine. (eye of a newt, tail/tale of a cat etc) LOL
It all seems well written in your own interesting way. Forgive me if I'm not up to speed on this excellent tale. I shall try in future to delve deeper.
:) Mel.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Hey, Mel. glad you jumped right in. The soup is fine, just tread water in it and if you ever go under, take a deep breath and enjoy the broth. I made it for you. THanks, seriously, and do try it again, my friend.
Comment from Sasha
My goodness, you have an awesome imagination. I love the dialogue in this one, very well done. Although, at times I get a bit confused, you continue to toss in more confusion to keep my previous confusions company. Absolutely great work with this one. I enjoyed it immensely.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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My goodness, you have an awesome imagination. I love the dialogue in this one, very well done. Although, at times I get a bit confused, you continue to toss in more confusion to keep my previous confusions company. Absolutely great work with this one. I enjoyed it immensely.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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No confusion should stand alone, Sasha. Hahaha, thanks for staying with me on this, though. Hopefully it will disentagle sometime soon.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
HMMMMMMMMM, I remember a scene many moon ago about a bridge and jumping from it. It's making more sense as you go along. This is another very good write.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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HMMMMMMMMM, I remember a scene many moon ago about a bridge and jumping from it. It's making more sense as you go along. This is another very good write.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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I wonder, Barbara, if you hit the right button for your crit. If you did, that's fine, but it left me wondering how you are enjoying it if it only deserves a four. Again ... NO COMPLAINTS. Only confusion.
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Sorry, I will fix it. It was a mistake.
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I thought it was. I hope you didn't think I was being too forward in mentioning it, but I thought you'd want to know.
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I appreciate you telling me. When I do actually give true 4's the person probably deserved less and I have made numerous corrections. You're work certainly doesn't deserve a four.
